Going out without partner

[wantthisfixed]

We have been married for almost 14 years and he had an affair (brief one) 2 years ago. I thought I trusted him again, but only recently has he started to want to go out without me and the old insecurities have started to re-appear. We still do go on dates, but for some reason I feel that if he goes out without me he will find something better or even enjoy being without me. He has done everything in his power for the last 2 years to show and prove he is committed. Please someone send me some advice on how to just get over this and move on

[NewHumbleMe]

I think you should think that you are the best

 

Start by saying to your self, "I am the best woman my husband can get"

Say also " He loves and desires only me"

 

Now tell him, of course darling go out and have a good time. Tell him also that if he has one more affair you are going to leave him for a better man who can treat you with respect and love, (If you dont have affairs your self that is)

 

But tell him this not in context to him going out. Tell him with the blink in your eye that you can tell so well when he lies, even if you dont know you can.

 

If this fails, tell him all this while you pleasure him with you hand, and he will surely submit to you.

 

Make it a habit to tell him your wants and needs while you pleasure him, he will make you feel like a Queen, But dont use the situation for getting cheap things a jewelery, Instead important things that will make your bond stronger and get him more invested.

 

It is fully possible to use certain bonus sex things for a partner and claim in return certain other things. Some might not agree with me, but in fact most men would be happy to comply for some extra treatment.

 

 

But mostly you need to work on your self, you need to love your self and see your self as a great wife, First start there, if he dont follow you and makes you feel like the best wife in the world. You should tell him. I want more from you. The giving and receiving should be in a good balance.

 

When he is out, Tell him you want him to call you at a certain time.

This is a great way to see if he does that. Give him like max and 30min. IF he forgets to call, you dont accept it and you tell him. And ask why you should keep promises and do things for the relationship if he doesn't.

 

Then dress real sexy and dont give it too him, if he tries to, tell him he hasnt earned it..

 

All and all use the sex advice as you wish, Just believe in your self that you are great. And trust him to be faithful, Even tell him that you do trust him to be faithful to you and that it still hurts from what he did, and you dont want that again.... Set standards for your self and value. Give him a good kiss and spank on the ass before he goes and tell him you be surfing the net for hot hunks while he is out... and if he changes his mind he can always come home and cuddle:laugh:

[NewHumbleMe]

Don't demand your self to get over it. Deal with it instead, You have the full right to feel this way..... IF you tell him, its good, but tell him not from a needy point, but from a point that you don't want to feel this way and its not your fault, its his fault cause he broke the trust....

 

Basically i recommend you to dress up more for your self, feel sexy and good, do it all for your self, and feel worthy and attractive.

[d0nnivain]

This isn't about him going out alone in general. It's about him going out alone after an affair.

 

Where does he want to go, with whom & for how long? If he wants to go to the same places where he met the AP, heck no. Is he willing to call you from where ever he's going?

 

Have you talked about it? Does he know that this desire of his is triggering your insecurities?

 

I think you have to tell him what you are feeling & I think that he has to work with you on this to continue to earn your trust back.

[oldshirt]

What is the context of "going out"?

 

Is he hitting the clubs and bars with younger single guys? Is he going out in mixed groups for happy hour after work? Is he going out on the town with other couples without you?

 

Or is going fishing or to play fantasy football with faithful, responsible, married men?

 

There is a difference between a married man hitting the bars with single guys/gals vs going to a married guys house to play cards or have bible study with other married men.

[wantthisfixed]

When he goes out it is with the guys. Not clubbing or bars. Play video games or maybe golfing. He has done many things to regain back my trust. He hasn't gone out much without me, but the reasons he is giving me to go out were the same ones when he had the affair. "I'm going to Joe's house be back in a few hours"

[d0nnivain]

I think you should let him play golf but perhaps ask to see the receipt & the scorecard. I'd probably want to see a photo from his smart phone taken on a particular hole.

 

Point out to him that he covered his affair by saying "I'm going to Joe's" so that activity makes you nervous. To start off softly, perhaps ask him if he can think of any things he can do to reassure you. If he's serious about atoning for past sins he should be willing to accommodate you.

[Got it]

I would suggest discussing the concerns with him. Him going out is trigger for excuses used during the affair. Very valid concerns that you would be uncomfortable even if everything is on the up and up.

 

Having him acknowledge your fears, give you ways he can help reassure you and show he is transparent will help work through them. This is the mess he created so he still needs to work with you as a team to work through them. See what suggestions he can come up with that will reassure you that he is where he is saying he will be.

 

Don't minimize or rugsweep your fears. This is your gut giving you a big red light that this might be an issue. Acknowledge it and work through it with him.

[pink_sugar]

IMO wanting to go out alone is a reg flag unless he's having a beer with his friends or something. If it's a friend, that's fine, but I could understand if you wanted to confirm his whereabouts with said friend. But I agree with the others. You need to be honest with him and say you're done if there is any further affairs...no exceptions.

[Clockwork]

I'm not sure if this advice will help, but I always find that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Now, I know it's a little different because he cheated on you and you've got a lot of emotions and insecurities over that. But my wife and I each usually take a weekend a year and go away separately. I might go out with my brother in law somewhere, she might go away with her mom, or my mom. Just the girls. It never crosses my mind that we'll meet someone better out there.

 

Sometimes stuff like this is good, because then you enjoy each other's company even more so afterwards.

[d0nnivain]

Clockwork I think your idea would be good if there was underlying trust but OP's H hasn't earned that back yet so when he's out of her sight she thinks she's out of his mind. It will take a lot to repair that.