purplesoul Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) To make a long story short, after several years of marriage and unhappiness from my side and various issues from his, I've realised my husband and I are just two different to be compatible. I was in denial of this for a long time as I was scared to be without him and since he seemed "perfect", I assumed all responsibily for lack of feeling as mine. Without going too into detail, I lost myself in drink, therapy, over eating and self blame as to why I couldn't feel what I was supposed to feel. Finally I admitted to myseld that the whole issue was great man but not for me and vice versa (we were the typical strangers under a roof but he was happy with that). I finally got the guts to tell him the truth. I had been so scared of hurting him with the truth before but eventually realised it was crueler to keep deceiving him as he was making plans for kids and what not. So yes, I told him I wanted out, that I saw he was making an effort but it was too late as for me my heart was shut from years of miscommunication and silent resentments etc...he underunderstood and said though he was happy (??!?!?! I haven't had sex in over 3 months and told him I don't want kids even though he s desperate for them) he would Give me space to make final decision (believe me I have really really tried in past but I just don't care anymore. I made plans to move in with a relative the next week. However that weekend, I went to my friends gallery showing and she (innocently) introduced me to her work colleague. I was just wanting to forget what was at home and just wanted to socialise. He and I started chatting. I noticed from the on set his calm and open nature. The more we spoke the more we connected. I really admired his inteligence, his demeanour and his outlook on life. I generally trust my intuition on people and his kindness (?? ) and sensitivity stood out. I suffer from depression and he had bouts of hospitalization for anxiety and panic when he was younger and we really bonded over that.he is also spiritually inclinded which though I am not, I admire. We spoke for about 3 hours and he met my friends as a friend of course. At this point he told me that it felt like something was missing as I seemed a bit vacant and sad and I told him the truth that I was going through separation and that even though I could see myself liking someting like.him.I would not want anything at all (I've given my husband permission to see other people). He said he appreciated my honesty. We walked out to the terrace and sat talking about everything. He held my hands at some point but that was it. We changed works details ( I told him I couldn't stay any longer and I'm sure he could understand). Anyway since then he called me once to thank me for insightful conversation but also to rest my mind that nothing I told him would ever be repeated. He msged me online a few times but general chat about backgrounds etc (I never msged him first) and that was that. The thing is, since the past 3 days I haven't heard back and I haven't msged. I feel it really sucks with the timing but somehow it hurts. However as sad as my situation is, at least I feel hope there is life out there. I.don't know what I'm.looking for but maybe some insight or similar stories. Edited August 22, 2014 by purplesoul Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I told him the truth that I was going through separation and that even though I could see myself liking someting like.him.I would not want anything at all (I've given my husband permission to see other people). He said he appreciated my honesty. He took your words as the truth, and given the way you describe him, I imagine that he is insightful enough to know that you're no where near the right mental and emotional place to start a new relationship. But given your truth, you need to ask yourself why you want him to call back, and what you want to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoul Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) I guess I feel I jumped the gun saying that? I did message him.online when he did as well and it just sort of faded. I don't know what I was expecting but I feel sad. I know it s ridiculous. Actually come to think of it, I think I did want him to call me again and even though I never messaged first, I'd hope that he wouldn't stop. Edited August 22, 2014 by purplesoul Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Then I'm going to guess that you're like me and most other people: sometimes you let your ego override your better sense. You wanted him to call because it would be validating, but not necessarily because you're ready to jump into another relationship (you're not, you know). Just recognize it for what it is and don't let it get to you. When you're ready, there will be other men. Maybe even him; you never know. But let yourself heal from the separation/divorce first, and get in the right place to give your best to a new relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoul Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Yeah you are right. I just feel unlovable and I think I take his silence to mean that he changedhis mind and Im not worth it. Also I never messaged him first because I'm petrified of getting hurt. A part of me wishes that maybe we will see eachother again sometime Link to post Share on other sites
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