maturityassets Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hi all, Briefly I'm just going to say that my girlfriend and I of about a year and a half have gone from two extremes. From the first year of turmoil because of barely even seeing each other once a week due to her parents to now living with me for the summer since she moved out to her College campus (provided by her job), and basically been staying over with me for the last few months. I guess the problem is just communication and fears about hurting one another, specifically on my part just because she is really hard on herself and has turmoil with her parents. But she has become increasingly more clingy and I have unfortunately been gasping for space and even annoyed at times. She always warned me to tell her whenever I felt like I needed space I could tell her. But at times there was a part of me that was conflicted between being with her (partly feeling like making up for lost time and wanting to use the summer before it goes back the way it was before) and deciding to be by myself or see a few buddies. But anyway now that I just started my grad school program along with finishing up my final year of undergrad I feel like I'm confused and anxious as to how to juggle everything. That at times I feel like I need to be by myself for a few days and also not neglect my other friendships. I finally expressed some of those thoughts and she got a bit upset just because when ever I was hiding those thoughts her mind instantly had thoughts that I didn't want to be with her anymore, which is so extreme but also partially my fault for trying to shrug off my own desires for space. I just feel confused is all. My good friend has been kind of ignoring me, partially because we haven't seen each other much this summer, due to trouble finding time and being inconsistent on meeting up. But also something is just kind of off that my girlfriend waits around for me whenever I'm out for errands or working. She'll hear the door and come running to meet me at the stairs and she'll say how much she missed me and how all she thought about is me. While it's all flattering and romantic, to a certain point the introvert that I am likes to recharge the batteries with a sense of good boundaries. She's an amazing girl and completely head over heels for me (I love, respect and adore her as well), but like me she has some self-esteem issues. How do you make proper boundaries? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Having a tad needy partner is waaay better than having a cold, detached partner. I've been in your shoes, pushed people away and later regretted it. Enjoy how much she loves and needs you. You'll remember it one day when you're all alone because you were mean to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 IMO, if you are consistently needing a few DAYS to yourself with zero contact, you are not cut out for cohabitation. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, as some women prefer not to cohabitate either. My SO and I are introverts as well (I think I'm ~90% introverted on MBTI), but we typically don't need to spend days by ourselves. Even if we do, it's usually it's just a couple hours. IME when you are close enough to a compatible partner, you can let them inside your introvert 'bubble' and they don't drain your meter. It's the best of both worlds - when he's around I recharge like I'm alone, but have the benefit of companionship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 IMO, if you are consistently needing a few DAYS to yourself with zero contact, you are not cut out for cohabitation. Especially after only a summer together this early in your relationship. No blame for either party here, you're just both young and at a point in your life where school and friends play a deservedly major role. Were you both in your 30's, guarantee things would be different. Why not casually date until you're out of school and launched into the world ??? Your current situation sounds rushed and premature... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maturityassets Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 Just wanted to thank all who responded. Since she had to move back with her parents and my brother returned our experiment ended. I put a lot of pressure and guilt on myself during the time we were together and seeing each other after some time apart made things much more normal for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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