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Who do you talk to? Was I wrong?


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A few bad things happened recently & DH didn't react as lovingly or supportively as I would have hoped. He acted the same as he always does, without emotion but this time I needed more.

 

Last night after a bit too much wine, I poured my heart out to my brother about some of our marital problems. He listened & offered some advice but made a couple of cracks about not wanting to have to break in a new BIL. I got the sense that he now views my husband differently / in a less favorable light.

 

My brother would never break my confidence but some of the issues that led me to being sooo emotional were big things that I had kept inside for waaaay too long.

 

I'm usually pretty good at keeping my own counsel but part of me feels bad that I told my brother some negative stuff about my marriage but on the flip side, getting it off my chest was helpful. I felt unburdened.

 

How bad of a violation of my marriage did I commit?

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Snakechammah

In our moment of weakness and need, we naturally gravitate to people we can trust (family) so don't feel bad at all... I would have done the same if my husband pushed me to such a point where I needed outside counselling.

 

I am sure your brother knows the situation you're in, and won't hold grudges against your husband. Everyone is an adult and knows nobody's perfect and there will be moments of good times and bad times.

 

You are lucky to have a caring brother who listens! I do too, and I know brothers usually look out for their sisters and it's only natural he said what he said.

 

Take care and be better soon!

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How bad of a violation of my marriage did I commit?

Might not be a bad idea to have a follow up conversation with him. Tell him you appreciate having someone to talk to but are depending on his discretion and confidentially.

 

And maybe next time a counselor or therapist instead :cool: ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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A few bad things happened recently & DH didn't react as lovingly or supportively as I would have hoped. He acted the same as he always does, without emotion but this time I needed more.

 

Last night after a bit too much wine, I poured my heart out to my brother about some of our marital problems. He listened & offered some advice but made a couple of cracks about not wanting to have to break in a new BIL. I got the sense that he now views my husband differently / in a less favorable light.

 

My brother would never break my confidence but some of the issues that led me to being sooo emotional were big things that I had kept inside for waaaay too long.

 

I'm usually pretty good at keeping my own counsel but part of me feels bad that I told my brother some negative stuff about my marriage but on the flip side, getting it off my chest was helpful. I felt unburdened.

 

How bad of a violation of my marriage did I commit?

 

 

Technicallly yes - you should not disrespect your spouse or marriage to anyone other than a therapist or anonymous support group (like LS). BUt sometimes if you have the right wise person it can help things.

 

If your brother has had the chance to see the other sides of your husband, I suspect he simply sees it all now. The "crack" about not wanting to break in new BIL - and advice - says he supports the marriage. Is your bother also married?

 

After my dDay and all the other issues my wife brought into our marriage - I fully (nearly fully) confided in my late father. It was helpful, and he never ever treated my wife differently after hearing the bad stuff - cause he had been married twice and knew that marriage comes with bad and good stuff and he was very supportive of me sticking it out - and never said a bad word about her - just offered advise and said stay with it. However, I am sure my wife would have been upset to know he knew everything. I have refrained from sharing anything with my friends, bothers or sisters out of respect for my wife and marriage. My late father was my one and only trusted wise adviser.

 

I hope your bother is yours - only you can know if your bother is this kind of man...but therapist and here is probably better place to vent.

Edited by dichotomy
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The therapist has been useless on this score. I know maybe I need a new therapist.

 

Ironically, my brother is twice divorced.

 

I know he will never betray a confidence.

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