Can this train wreck be turned around?

[15yearsin]

Okay - well, suffice it to say, I've been married for 15 years now to a man I think/thought was my soul mate, and now I'm not so sure...

 

From the beginning of our relationship, I always had to convince him that I wanted to be with him - to the point I had to essentially give up my family and friends because they were questioning that he was the one for me - boundary issues I know, but being a very loved girl from a big family, they can all be a bit overprotective.

 

I completely fell head over heels for him. He was the most handsome sexy man that I could not get enough of when we first met. After having to choose him over my family, my sex drive diminished and I found myself pouring everything into making him happy.

 

I began to feel insecure for reasons I didn't know why - probably not having my family didn't help or any support system but him and his family. But more to the point, he always told me that he would NEVER, EVER look at another woman, he never went to strip clubs, and he never looked at porn EVER.

 

Shortly after we were married, I found some shortcuts on his desktop to porn sites. He lied and blamed other guys from his work for using his computer or some gambling sites that he went to. I didn't relent, until he went on the attack towards me about it, and made it my problem. I dropped it at this point, still knowing full well that it was indeed him that had to of been looking at the porn.

 

Our sex life was not all that it used to be, the lust had diminished but my love for him still felt strong as ever as I tried to please him in every way. I brought up that I'd like to have more oral sex done on me (I was always giving to him whenever he wanted), and he told me that I needed to shave down there completely. I did, and nothing every really changed. It was like he didn't like doing it. After 15 years together, I can count on 1 hand how many times he's done it. I would shave everyday in hopes that the mood would strike him.

 

I tried to tell him about being more spontaneous and just having sex with me on a whim like while I'm making a meal for us, or whatever.. nothing.

 

Mind you, also, whenever I bring up anything about sex, he says he needs more boobs and puts me on the defensive about why I'm making it all about me. I tried to tell him that if he would warm me up, he'd be surprised how frisky I could get and that once that pattern starts where a girl is getting what she wants sexually, it opens the flood gates to all sorts of impromptu encounters. He just gets mad and defensive and attacks me about why is everything about me.

 

Fast forward 10 years... I believed him or rather didn't look for any signs that he would look at other women because in general, he treated me very good, he worked really hard to make sure we always had money. Now we were changing our profession and we were living off a nest egg.. he would always have excuses as to why he wasn't working on the new business.. there were excuse after excuse to the point we started going in debt. Always reasons to be focused on something else that needed to be done.

 

When I would bring up some things we could have done differently, or could do differently, he would get super aggressive and extremely upset with me and go on the attack that I could have done something different if I didn't like how he did it, why do I just sit back and do nothing, etc. Mind you, we have the kind of traditional relationship where I take care of him and are basically his full time assistant and support in whatever it is he's doing from pouring concrete to making calls. I'm right there beside him. That's how it's always been and that's how he's always liked it. He never wanted me to step up in any authoritative manner - he would tell me how he hated that with past girlfriends because they thought they knew it all. So I've always been a bit passive.

 

So as I started to try to have open discussions about how we should maybe be prioritizing different things, he would get irate with me and the arguments would start with me on the defending end always just because I had a different opinion than him. Basically, if I say anything different to add to what he's saying, anything that contradicts his views, I am the bad guy.

 

Okay, back to point about the porn - After these nitpicking arguments started to where I could say nothing right, I started looking to see what was going on with him. I thought there had to be something more that is happening to make him so angry with me all the time. It didn't take long for him to openly check out other women openly and obviously with me standing right beside him - like double takes now. I didn't notice this before, but I have a feeling I was just blind and naive. When I would ask about it, he would lie and start attacking me making it my problem. I could just feel something wasn't right. I dug a little deeper and found that he was looking at porn on a pretty regular basis... about 30 minutes a day everyday. I confronted him about it and tried to tell him it was okay and that we could watch it together. He said I was lying and that he never watched porn ever!!! He gets very aggressive with me when I ask him questions of any kind.

 

We went to counseling and he lied to the counselor that he doesn't look at other women ever and when we get home he says he doesn't want that kind of relationship where it's okay for us to notice other people.

 

However, I told him it's okay to notice other people and I've even started ogling the same women he is to let him know I see her too and he's not going to pull the wool over my eyes about it, and it's not going to get him in trouble with me for seeing her.

 

I think his obsession of big breasts has quadrupled through these tenacious years to the point he can't hardly contain himself watching a movie with ScarJo without having to cover or handle his manbits to get them to stay down so as keep hidden his obsession from me. Instead of when we are at home watching a movie and he gets aroused to let me get him off from it or to take that arousal and play it out with me.

 

Knowing of his love for big boobs, I have brought up that I am considering getting a boob job done. He gets irate and belittles me for this. At one point, he was nice and sincere saying he love me too much for me to do that. However, wouldn't it be good to have your wife have some big boobs that you could think about all day?

 

I have offered to watch porn with him (even though he denies looking at it), and his answer is he doesn't watch porn and he wouldn't want to watch it with me.

 

My questions are these:

 

1. How can I get him to open up about looking at porn and just to be honest with me about it? Is this even possible considering how long he's been lying about it, and usually just goes on the attack towards me?

2. What kind of man acts like this?

3. Is 30 minutes a day everyday an addiction?

4. Are there men out there that are in healthy relationships that DO NOT look at porn? Or are they just liars too?

5. If your woman has a boob job, do men still have the need to look at porn?

6. Does anyone have insight into the Madonna-Whore complex and if it's possible to help someone open up to their partner if they have this, or does that tarnish their 'madonna' image of their wife by simply admitting to these misdeeds of watching so much porn?

 

Sorry for the lengthy post, I love my husband and want to help him and us, but everytime I try to talk to him in an open discussion where I have anything to say that's not in keeping within what he wants to hear, he blows up and goes on the attack. I would desperately love to try to help him, but I fear he doesn't want help, he just wants me to go back to my sweet naive self that questions nothing. However, this is extremely hard for me since my being able to give all of myself to him emotionally and support him even when he's wrong, depends on him being honest with me. I can't be the submissive wife that believes every little lie he tells me anymore. I might be able to if it weren't for his anger inside of him that attacks me over the smallest of differences in opinion or question I have about everyday little things that have no bearing on porn, sex, us, or anything. It can be about a pillow and he'll find fault with my questions or logic on it.

 

Can I turn this train wreck around?

 

Open advice is also very welcome.

[MidwestUSA]

I can't begin to address all your issues, and I do believe you have let them go on too long.

 

I will only say this: DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT get a boob job for this man!!

 

He's not going to magically stop watching porn or start giving you the most amazing oral ever if you do this. The fact that you're even considering it is sad.

 

Get yourselves into counseling, or, if there are no kids involved, cut bait. You've already wasted fifteen years of your life.

[The Like Fairy]

You are right, this is a train wreck. I went thru a similar train wreck. The answer is divorce. You'll be happy you did.

 

Here's the deal. This guy has serious issues that won't change.

 

He is a liar, he is Gas Lighting you (google Gas Lighting) and likely has a personality disorder that developed in early childhood.

 

That won't ever change, take my word for it. He's broken, and no counselor/therapist can fix him. Yes, they broken people lie to the therapists too. Thats how they roll.

 

Its a permanent personality defect, all his problems are.

 

Save your sanity, leave him. Get individual counseling for yourself.

 

Plan your escape carefully, financially and safety wise.

 

He has no integrity, therefore your safety may be in jeopardy when he discovers you plan to leave. God bless.

Edited May 6, 2014 by The Like Fairy

[15yearsin]

Thank you for your replies. You both have said what I was thinking, but were always too afraid to admit to myself. I guess I always thought me giving all the love and support in the world would heal all and he could eventually open up and be honest with me.

 

There's always been that nagging insecurity within me about him. I thought if you believe in something hard enough, it will manifest itself to happen. I really thought we had true love.

 

It's funny you bring up gaslight, because I know this movie/reference well and lately have even felt like that's what he's trying to do to me.

 

I started therapy recently in hopes to find the peace for myself in all of this. I fear that divorce may be the only answer, I don't have any kids yet but always wanted them. I put this too in the back burner for it never felt like the right time for us.

 

Thank you too for the good advice about starting to carefully planning my exit financially and otherwise.

[Hattie]

I am 20+ years in. Porn is a slow invading cancer in marriage.....definitely not the solution!

I am most likely the "AntiPorn" witch here at LS!

You can view my threads: I have been replaced by porn or all guys do it.....

I am always available if you need to message also!

Porn creeps in and ravishes your self esteem and before you know it, you start doubting yourself.

It's a constant struggle and it just changes things....

[Hattie]

Thank you for your replies. You both have said what I was thinking, but were always too afraid to admit to myself. I guess I always thought me giving all the love and support in the world would heal all and he could eventually open up and be honest with me.

 

There's always been that nagging insecurity within me about him. I thought if you believe in something hard enough, it will manifest itself to happen. I really thought we had true love.

 

It's funny you bring up gaslight, because I know this movie/reference well and lately have even felt like that's what he's trying to do to me.

 

I started therapy recently in hopes to find the peace for myself in all of this. I fear that divorce may be the only answer, I don't have any kids yet but always wanted them. I put this too in the back burner for it never felt like the right time for us.

 

Thank you too for the good advice about starting to carefully planning my exit financially and otherwise.

Do you think you will leave?

This is where I really struggle and would be interested in your thoughts on that.

[Friskyone4u]

Sounds like the train already wrecked to me. If you cannot get him and you into serious counseling I see no way out for you other than D unless you just continue to get treated like crap and verbally abused. And unless he has a real good reason other than he is not crazy about going down on you, I woe stop reciprocating and see how he likes it. Assuming you have good hygiene, and I am sure you do, he is being a selfish pig not doing what is necessary to please you. You might tell him that you are sure you could find someone who might be glad to do it and see what his reaction would be.

Get your financial ducks in a row, and then start punching back and tell him what you need if he wants to continue to share your life

[Davey L]

Oh this is so sad. Your husband sounds like a real b-----d treating a dutiful and considerate wife in this way. If it is really as you say I can't see what hope there is.

And please don't get a boob job, especially not just to please this man that doesn't appreciate you. I don't think it would change anything. Most men are obsessed with boobs, but that doesn't mean they have to be huge. I've had gf's in my youth of all sizes, from completely flat to enormous, and they're all nice, love them all!

Start doing your own thing - some interests and friends outside the marriage. Be firm on it, don't let him tell you not to. Then he might sit up and realise that he has a problem. But really it looks like you need to prepare to leave.

[The Like Fairy]

From the beginning of our relationship, I always had to convince him that I wanted to be with him

 

- to the point I had to essentially give up my family and friends because they were questioning that he was the one for me -

 

I found myself pouring everything into making him happy.

 

I began to feel insecure for reasons I didn't know why -

 

probably not having my family didn't help

 

or any support system but him and his family.

 

He lied

 

 

he went on the attack towards me about it, and made it my problem.

 

I dropped it at this point.

 

 

I tried to please him in every way.

nothing every really changed.

 

nothing.

 

Mind you, also, whenever I bring up anything about sex, he says he needs more boobs

 

and puts me on the defensive about why I'm making it all about me.

 

He just gets mad and defensive and attacks me about why is everything about me.

 

 

he would always have excuses as to why he wasn't working on the new business.. there were excuse after excuse to the point we started going in debt.

 

he would get super aggressive and extremely upset with me and go on the attack that I could have done something

 

 

I take care of him and are basically his full time assistant and support in whatever it is he's doing

 

I'm right there beside him.

 

That's how it's always been and that's how he's always liked it.

 

He never wanted me to step up in any authoritative manner -

 

So I've always been a bit passive.

 

So as I started to try to have open discussions about how we should maybe be prioritizing different things,

 

he would get irate with me and the arguments would start with me on the defending end always just because I had a different opinion than him.

 

Basically, if I say anything different to add to what he's saying, anything that contradicts his views, I am the bad guy.

After these nitpicking arguments started to where I could say nothing right,

 

I thought there had to be something more that is happening to make him so angry with me all the time.

 

It didn't take long for him to openly check out other women openly and obviously with me standing right beside him - like double takes now.

 

When I would ask about it, he would lie and start attacking me making it my problem.

He said I was lying and that he never watched porn ever!!!

 

He gets very aggressive with me when I ask him questions of any kind.

We went to counseling and he lied to the counselor

 

He gets irate and belittles me

 

 

but I fear he doesn't want help,

 

he just wants me to go back to my sweet naive self that questions nothing.

 

However, this is extremely hard for me since my being able to give all of myself to him emotionally and support him even when he's wrong,

 

I can't be the submissive wife that believes every little lie he tells me anymore.

 

I might be able to if it weren't for his anger inside of him that attacks me over the smallest of differences in opinion or question I have about everyday little things that have no bearing on anything.

 

It can be about a pillow and he'll find fault with my questions or logic on it.

.

 

I had a little more time this morning to highlight the things you wrote that let me know your husband is a broken person who likely has a personality disorder (along with a serious porn addiction, and yes likely a Madonna/Whore complex as you stated).

 

You need to do ALOT of reading to educate yourself. Get these books free at your local library if nothing else.

 

Book title: Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

 

Book title: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

 

Book title: Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie

 

Book title: The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin Stern

 

Book title: In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon

 

 

The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others ... - Dr. Robin Stern - Google Books

 

Here are just a few great articles you need to read, in your journey of Enlightenment, that starts NOW :

 

1 Repair Your Reality After Gaslighting - Sundown Healing Arts

 

 

2 Out of the FOG - Gaslighting

 

 

3 Ambient Abuse and Gaslighting

 

 

4 The Sad Art of Gaslighting « Laurie Kendrick

 

 

5 Dr. George K Simon, Author, In Sheep?s Clothing- Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

 

 

6 Psychopaths in Sheeps Clothing- It's always someone elses fault. - Join The Conversation @ The Forum Site

 

 

7 signs of psychopathy Archives » The Signs of a Psychopath

 

 

8 DoYouLiveWithAPsychopath

 

Saved the best for last - this lady is phenomenal!

 

9 NARCISSISM SPEAK - NARCSPEAK | Lisa E. Scott

 

When (not IF) you go to get individual counseling, ask the counselor/therapist if they have experience with Narcissists and Psycopaths, and the damage and trauma they inflict on their spouse in a relationship/marriage.

 

The therapist MUST understand what you are dealing with.

 

Some just don't, they don't have the experience with these topics and/or haven't encountered it in their practice and/or aren't familiar with this level of dysfunction.

 

This type of abuse within a relationship is insidious, gradual and subtle, but the traumatic effects are long ranging, deep and entrenched in your psyche.

 

Start your journey of educating yourself, it's half the battle.

 

The other half of the battle is taking action to escape and be free to heal and grow, and be happy and at peace, as God meant you to be. All the best to you!

 

....

Edited May 7, 2014 by The Like Fairy

[15yearsin]

For Hattie - Thank you - I'm glad to know you are here to talk to if I need it. I really do wonder if there are men out there that don't watch porn anymore?! Is it even possible? I do have 3 brothers - and I know 1 does (he's the blacksheep pervert of the family), but my other 2 married brothers do not watch it. They say they did when they were younger, but grew out of it. I was surprised to even find out they didn't even know who Kate Upton was - I was so proud of them for staying out of the mainstream. And why do they have to watch it my themselves if at all? Anyway, thx.

 

I don't yet know if I'll leave.. I struggle here too, hoping that he'll stop treating me with such contempt. There was a glimmer of hope last night after my second therapy session, but that's probably because I haven't pushed the porn thing yet. I don't know what's right anymore when it comes to porn and honesty. I still love him and when times are good they are really good.

 

I'm hoping that my husband will start counseling too as the counselor mentioned she'd be real interested in why he's so self-centered when it comes to accommodating my sexual requests and allowing for me to be more of an influence in our decision making. Maybe she could get through to him. It's going to take time - what's your situation?

Edited May 7, 2014 by 15yearsin

[15yearsin]

For The Like Fairy - I love your response. Thank you so much for all of the information. I'm definitely going to get reading on some of your recommendations. As I was telling Hattie - I'm hoping I may be able to get my husband to counseling as well to help him... he desperately has some deed issues that he needs to work through about women and relationships period. If things don't get better I will have no choice but to look out for my own well being. Thank you again for taking the time to help me and give me such great advice.

[15yearsin]

For Davey L. - it is nice to hear from a man's perspective. I really do feel like I've been the best wife to him always and he just takes me for granted. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I don't ask for much except honesty. When my gut is telling me something I would like to think I could ask my own husband and he would tell me the truth. I have to figure out how much of his lying I'm going to be able to handle, especially in light that he won't fess up to the porn thing. If you don't mind, can you tell me is it natural for men to watch porn everyday? Or to want to have to look at other peoples boobs all the time? Do you think it's possible to not look at porn after being such a daily watcher? Anyway, thanks for your reply. I appreciated it.

[15yearsin]

For The Like Fairy again -

 

Also, I told my counselor about some of the things he's tried to convince me of as the truth when clearly it wasn't, she said she's definitely going to be on the look out for more patterns of gaslighting as well as other verbal abuse that she's already suspecting. I told her that maybe I can be passive-aggressive sometimes, so I'm going to watch myself on that and see if his behavior changes - I doubt it will, but I'm also a hopeless romantic that is hoping for the best.

[Grumpybutfun]

From the moment you said he cut you off from your family, I knew he was a controlling jack wad. It is a basic move done by those who are emotionally abusive and your husband is. All the time he refuses to discuss things, makes things about your issues or takes it out on you because he isn't contributing emotionally or sexually are huge red flags. I have been married for twenty years and I must tell you something you don't want to hear...this is not what a marriage looks like. You describe a war where you are fighting to get even your most basic needs met WITHOUT hostility and a fight.

No, this will never, ever change because if he can't be honest to a therapist about it, if he can't be honest with you or himself about his need to control and be angry and aggressive, while gas lighting and emotionally abusing you, it is clear he doesn't see a problem with it. You said you are naturally passive and I suppose over the years you have become more and more withdrawn and feel like you have to walk on eggshells...I will tell you what I told Hattie...this won't change because they don't want to change and you can't change them.

I'm sad for you and for Hattie for staying in marriages that give you so little except for heartache and strife. This is not what men are like, we are not some walking penises who treat women callously because they don't meet some arbitrary porn fantasy. This isn't about porn but about your husband being an angry petulant child who doesn't know what real love or intimacy looks like.

My advice is get a good lawyer, get your finances and a good job in order, do not, I repeat, do not even think about kids with this tool, and leave. Reconnect with your family, explain your situation and try to repair that relationship. Read anything you can on codependency and stop thinking this is a fairy tale....this isn't love. Love is when two people work together with kindness, admiration and respect to make their commitment to each other the most important thing in their lives, and yes, some of us men know how to do that. Nothing gives me more pride and pleasure than my marriage and life with my beautiful and amazing bride.

This will not change, he won't change and this is your time to finally get your life back and reconcile with your family while moving on. Next time look for the red flags. Don't ignore them. You came from a big loving family and so you had lots of love to give, but you now are depleted because he seems to have given you very little in return for your efforts.

Keep doing therapy for yourself to figure out why you got in this dysfunctional toxic relationship with an emotional abuser (think of how many times you wrote verbs in your post about his reactions to your needs) and Don't ever think you can change a man. The only thing you can change is your situation by dumping his butt. No one deserves this, it sounded so toxic and awful reading this that it makes me incredulous how many women on this site stay in something that has so few redeeming qualities. Walking on eggshells isn't fun and just think you have done it for fifteen years with no change and only more and more and more dysfunction. Hopeless romantics only win if they are truly respected and adored, you aren't. Stop being one with this guy because he is using that to behave poorly without any consequences of his actions. Get another therapist because this one isn't helping you if you think being a hopeless romantic is doing any thing other than giving him fuel for his douchery.

Get out now, live your one life on this planet with some joy,

Grumps

Edited May 7, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[Smilecharmer]

Counseling can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You said you tried it before and he lied, why do you think this time would be any different. You need to go...it's time to stop trying to put that round peg into the square hole. He isn't going to change and it is only going to get progressively worse since that is what has happened in the last fifteen years. Future behavior can be determined by past behavior. Stop being a doormat and passive and take your life back. Women who stay in abuse, and emotional manipulation and aggression during discussions are abuse, don't find their situations changing because of hopes and wishes. It is time, my dear, to stop pretending.

[15yearsin]

Thank you everyone. I'm going to start my resume today. We had one good day after the counselor this week. Then last night again, like most nights, we hang out together and talk while having a beer or sparkling wine and I can see his thoughts drifting off and his pauses getting more and more frequent as he gazes in his own thoughts. I dare not ask what he's thinking about... as we start listening to some nostalgic groups/songs from our youth in our digital library, I tell him old stories about listening to the B-52's during soccer practices in high school from one of our teammates cars, I tell it with the utmost sincerity to include him in this memory, we shuffle through more songs - there are some older stuff from his youth that he says he remembers, yet I don't remember, so I ask him to tell me a story about when he used to listen to this music, he says he doesn't have any memory from it, I try to make him feel safe by asking him, and ask if he listened to it with this friend or that friends, and that's when he BLOWS UP!!! Starts going into a manic tirade about how he doesn't have any memory and why am I quizzing him about it - this goes on for about 3 solid minutes while I just stay quiet and try to figure a way to calm him down. I tell him I'm sorry for asking, I just thought it would be nice to talk about those old memories as I enjoyed telling him mine, etc. There's no calming him down - he jumps finites like "we can never listen to music together ever" and tells me how uninterested he is in listening to my stories.

 

Thank you Grumpy for reaffirming that he is not emotionally there for me at all, it seems I can never say the right thing unless it's to affirm him and his emotions. I cannot have any wants or needs because then it's all about me. He has such huge vast need for his own emotional needs that I guess he has none to give out to anyone else.

 

I'm glad to hear that not all men are like this. I never remembered it being like this, but someone like my husband can make me start questioning my own self sometimes. I've always heard that you need to like the person you see in the mirror, and lately I haven't liked who I've started becoming at all. I don't see the person I once was and that has been scaring the crap out of me.

 

I know I have to start taking the baby steps to end this if I want to be happy. Today will be resume day. Of course, I'll have to tailor it for whatever job I may apply for, but at least I'll have my experience and skills done to pull from.

 

I'll keep this post updated as I take those steps and maybe start a new thread called baby step to recovery. Having this forum has been God sent for sure. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[oldshirt]

give some hard, critical thinking to what you would do with your life if he were killed on the way home from work today or packed up all his stuff and abandoned you over the weekend.

 

 

What would you do? You would likely be shocked and bewildered. Then cry and mope around the house. Be seized with fear about an unknown future. Then you would reach out to friends and family and start making a big blueprint and game plan for your life.

 

 

That blueprint and game plan would likely start with dusting off the resume and finding a means to support yourself. Finding a place to live and getting rid of the old and gathering up some new. You would start to engage in some old hobbies and likely start up some new ones. You would reconnect with some old friends and family and likely start making some new friends.

 

 

And in time you would start noticing an interest in finding someone "special" to be in your life and with that you would likely find a gym and start toning up as well as updating your wardrope and bumping up your grooming and styling habits and get out and place yourself on the dating market.

 

 

My suggestion is start working on that game plan and blueprint today.

 

 

There is some good news and bad news with that scenario above. The good news is you are already going through the shock and bewilderment and the fear stages. You are already realizing he isn't there for you and are already starting to make future plans for just yourself. That's a big plus.

 

 

The bad news is he is going to fight you on it once he realizes what is taking place. The catch is that when he resists, the little insecure hamster inside you is going to interpret his resistance as love and devotion and you are going to be very tempted to abandon your plan and stay. But the real bad news it isn't really love and devotion, it is that he wants to own and control you for his own benefit. And as always, his few days or week of kind and compassionate behavior will soon be replaced by the standard neglect and abuse.

 

 

The key for your plan to work is plot it out and execute it under the cover of normalcy. You want to be as far into and have as many pieces of puzzle in place before he gets suspicious and wonder what's up. You need to be able to pull the final trigger and wrap it all into place at the last moment and spring the trap with him so far behind the 8-ball that his rants and raves are completely ineffective.

 

 

Picture in your mind's eye him being one of these guys that writes into the forum here that thought he had a normal, happy, healthy marriage on Sunday, but on Monday morning she was gone and only then realized she had spent 2 years disengaging and building a new life. (look up the term "Walk-Away Wife Syndrome) that is how he will view it.

[Zippity-Doo-Dah]

Yep, Yep, Yep. What OldShirt said. Now I'm off to look up walk-away wife syndrome. Didn't know there was a name for it but I've already started disengaging and working on me. Warning - if you lose some weight, start looking healthy, grow your hair out, and pay attention to yourself - he'll notice. I hate to say it, but I'm kinda enjoying the process. Yes. I'm hot. And it's not for YOU, it's for ME. Ha. (she says as she swings her ass, walking out the door)

 

 

***I may not fit the WAW description exactly as I'm actually planning and preparing. But the waking up and realizing "I'm Done" - yeah.....I definitely got that symptom.

Edited May 9, 2014 by Zippity-Doo-Dah