TryingAgain2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 We met 14 years ago at work, he was married and had 4 children. I was dating someone, he implied that he liked me and I declined him, he was married and I did not want to go down that road. We kept in touch. The odd email, the odd work reunion etc. 9 years later we end up working with each other. This time, I have two children and I´m married. We start an affair within our first week of working together. He stops flying back home regularly and tells his wife of 20 years that he is in love with me and that he wants a divorce. She declines and heavily starts throwing tantrums and suicide threats. She calms down until a year later I get pregnant (not on purpose). He goes home with a view to move out, instead he is subjected to the same suicide threats and gets scared. That was 5 years ago. We have had our ups and downs during that time. As a result for the last 2 years I have been trying to break up with him, because I could see he was never going to leave her. They live seperately and he works away from home during the week and returns each weekend. His children have now accepted that they have a little sister. He says that he wants to break up with me so that he can leave for good without the pressure of moving in with me. The problem is we no longer live in the same country. After then he feels that we should date other people and if it does not work out then we can get together. I just don´t see the point and I am not willing to accept it. I know, I can hear people reading this and screaming at me. The thing is it has been triggered because there is a woman at work who is interested, so now he is curious to see if he can find a connection with this woman. I feel simply because she is white, whereas I am black and his mother constantly describes me as a piece of s*** to put it nicely. He hates it and feels that his children by the same token will never accept me because I am the one who stole their dad away from their mum. So, he thinks this is a better option. Personally, I do not like this woman at work, she sounds like a stalker, as a kind word. He told her about our situation, him being married and having a mistress yet within two weeks of her claiming that her last boyfriend was married and messed her around she is sticking her tongue down his throat and inviting him over. I am not giving him my blessing to move on. I do not think it is right to be bringing someone else into the picture when he still has not got a divorce. He needs to work on that. The thing is I have not been speaking to him for a few months, because we fight alot lately and I thought the best thing to do was give him space to do what he needs to do. I never expected at this late stage for him to turn around move out and in with me. I voiced that if we ended up together after his divorce we would have to start from square one, right back to basics. I just don´t see why you would hurt so many parties and then give up and not even try and make it work. Also, I feel it is like deja-vous. We parted for so many years just to avoid this situation. Got together and I can see the whole thing happening again, we are not spring chickens. Some part of me thinks that I am just clutching on and I need to move on, the other part feels that I need to get my butt into gear, get a divorce. Be alone for a while and then take it from there, which is what I thought we would both do and then reconnect. Now I am scared, really scared that I am going to lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I think you should go back and read over and over what you just wrote. WHY would you want him?? I didn't read one good or decent thing he's done for you to want him. And after a certain point (which I think you've longggg passed) you can't just go back to square one and start over. Read your story and think if it was someone else's story, what would your advice be to her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Let go. In fact, eject him from your life. Have pride. He is a womaniser. You deceive yourself to think otherwise or blame it all on predatory women. You are better off without. Move on and discover the joy of your own life while he ruins each relationship he creates. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 You're clearly too deep in the years of back and forth of this whole thing to see what others see so let me tell you what I see: a man who has two families by a wife and a mistress and yet is now seeking a third woman. This is not a good man, not an ethical man. This is an incredibly selfish man. He's doing to you now what he did to his wife: finding someone new to start another new life with. YOu blame her for stalking him, but it's not her fault. He's responsible for his own actions. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. Move on. Find your happiness wiht someone who is responsible and ethical. STop wasting your time with this waster. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Now I am scared, really scared that I am going to lose him. My dear, he is already gone. Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Good god, why would you even want him? You have a kid with this dude? What kind of a father is he to your child? An absent one, by the sounds of it. Why are you so quick to forgive that? Link to post Share on other sites
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