Husband is away but he needs space

[Moi]

Thank you for reading my post.

I didn't know which category I should post, because I am married but we are away from each other for now, he is at school and I work.

Almost 2 weeks ago, we got in a fight. It was apparently me, who was being grumpy about his behaviour that he says he calls me 'soon' but his soon is way too after. I live in japan and he lives in the us. That day, I got him plane ticket as a surprise to come spend time (hopefully he stays longer) but yes, I actually waited his response or call almost all day so I got really cranky. He told me later that he was having a bad day that day. I nagged at him for not being able to reach him for long time again and I guess this time the argument slapped him hard in his face. We talked maybe twice last week. Then nothing over the weekend. I was supposed to be hospitalised for over night so I let him know, of course, and he responded telling me to take good care and love you. Turned out that I didn't need to stay at a hospital that long, I only stayed like half a day. When I got in a taxi back home, I noticed that his skype was online. So I tried to call. Tried and tried but no luck at all. We have messenger app to send messages with each other but he hasn't read none of my messages. Finally I got an email from him saying that his financial is tight. Yes I have given him crap because he has asked me for financial help in the past which I understand but he keeps saying that he will return the money he owes, which isn't too easy for any students to pay back. So I would totally understand if he doesn't say so and we are married so I think we need to share what we have.

I wrote him back saying I could cancel the ticket so that he has more money. And also I have been asking him how much exactly he needs and being worried doesn't really help and such. I think I gave him a bit of ****e about don't tell me that you'll return again and such but since when I wrote him back which was like 2 days ago, no response.

Sorry about my long story but my question is should I wait more to hear from him? Or should I keep asking if he's okay and I am able to give him money and so? I understand men are different but with distance this far, I don't know what to do and I have been stressing out.

Thank you

[sumathi]

Long distance relationships are always tough to handle as you need incredible patience and understanding to make your love felt by your husband. You are wrong when you nag your husband as it makes him averse of talking with you. It is true you feel hurt when he does not communicate with you, but you should not get muddled up with it. Do you know the nature of a man? He wants comfort and easiness when he interacts with his wife. Too much of questioning or advice turn him off.

 

Can you shift your work to US? If it is not possible make it a point to be friendly with your husband when you talk with him. Do not make him feel that he is dependent on you for his financial needs. When there is care in your tone, he will definitely open up with you.

[Moi]

Sumathi, thank you for your advice.

No I can't relocate. As my husband wants to study here but he doesn't have enough credit to be accepted yet so he is currently studying there. But things have been tough that his college or anywhere already have too many students so he can't get any of his classes/credits when he needs to so it has been a year and 4 months now. Of course he came back to spend time with me time to time.

I know he used to make good money so being financially unstable isn't something he wants. I nag, because he doesn't tell me that he needs money till the lady minute and I don't make good money so by the time he tells me I have to gather. He asks me for the plane money last minute and of course by the time the price ridiculously goes up. I want to avoid that too.

But my defence, I am asking him now since he said he is financially unstable. Maybe for him it was in an aggressive way but I wanted to help of course. Should I ask him again or should I wait for him to say something? We aren't quite financially good but I am willing to help him as much as I can but I don't know how to interact again with him.