Sugarkane Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Eg job loss, illness, death of a loved one. In the dating section it seems as soon as someone becomes unemployed/ redundant, their SO loses attraction and dumps them. More so unemployment/ redundancy since the GFC and people rarely work in one place for decades anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 For us, we've had to learn to work together and lean on each other, rather than be tough and go it alone. Know that we have each other's backs in good and bad times...and there will be bad times! The good times are what makes it worth staying. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 That's where commitment comes in. Commitment is agreeing to stick it out even if it isn't fun or smooth sailing at every moment. Commitment is what separates marriage from dating. With dating you can walk away at any moment without any reason or any repercussions. Leaving a marriage requires a court order and court mandated division of property and child care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
UnlitCandle Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 That's where commitment comes in. Commitment is agreeing to stick it out even if it isn't fun or smooth sailing at every moment. Commitment is what separates marriage from dating. With dating you can walk away at any moment without any reason or any repercussions. Leaving a marriage requires a court order and court mandated division of property and child care. In theory yes, in practice, well... I've seen enough divorces to tell you that people aren't willing to put in the level of commitment required to make it all work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Sometimes it takes extra kindness in the face of something going wrong. there are sacrifices. Most people don't want to work that hard & see relationships are disposable; they think it's all supposed to be hearts & flowers, all good times & no effort. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Most people today seem to get married based on emotions and physical lust/attraction. All of those are fleeting and unsustainable. I would recommend reading The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas. It comes from a Christian perspective, but the qualities he outlines that should be important in a marriage partner apply to most people. Also, people are SELFISH. My God, are they ever self-centered today. If one partner doesn't like something the other one does, they threaten to leave. Or if a partner asks someone to do something a little differently, they say "You can't control me. Take me or leave me" instead of listening to what their partner has to say. Relationships mean putting "I" aside for "we". Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 A wise older woman who had been married at that point for nearly 30 years (now pushing 40 years) once told me that Love is a Choice, Not a Feeling. YOu won't always feel loving toward your partner, and in those moments you choose to act in a loving way to them. It's the choice that makes the difference. It's the Choice that is real love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 It's one thing for job loss to happen, but it's another entirely when a person has a pattern or habit with spotty job history and lack of motivation to do what's necessary to improve skills to get back in the job market. I know from experience this sort of thing can breed resentment. My husband was discouraged by never hearing back from employers and had admitted several months ago that he stopped actively looking for full time work. So, i was the primary bread winner for a few months and then lost my job...and since he was working part time, we had to move out of our home because we couldn't afford to stay on our own. I felt that if he made better attempts to find full time work or a second job, we probably wouldn't have been homeless. The spotty job history has always been an issue for him and I often wonder if he will ever find stable work that provides a livable income. Right now, he's working with a relative to improve his resume in attempt to gain a state job (he'd be set career wise) and it helps this relative also works for the state. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I can only speak for myself. It's because I know all the reasons I'm lucky to have my husband. Those reasons won't change just because we're going through a tough time. You may as well ask me how I keep myself from committing suicide whenever other areas of my life are bad. There may be a side of me that for a brief moment thinks it'd be simpler to just end things. My rational side still knows that life is worth holding on to. Likewise, my rational side still always knows that my husband is worth holding on to. Actually, losing my husband seems like a worse fate than losing my own life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts