d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I have been under a lot of stress in the past 2 years & it's debilitating to say the least. I have never been great with finances & have let a lot of stuff slide. We're not in debt, far from it, but I'm doing a lousy job managing an inheritance. Tommorrow is tax day & the accountant filed an extension. DH hates that. Two years ago we made a deal, he was supposed to be in charge of collecting all the docs we need to file. All I had to add was the P&L and balance sheet from my business. He hasn't done that because he claimed he didn't want to be involved with the inheritance. I had told him six months ago I was overwhelmed & could be please help. He took 1-2 phone calls from a contractor & paid 1 bill but hasn't done anything else. Saturday night I had a break down. I cried ny eyes out & really laid it all out for him about how overwhelmed I am & how I feel he's not helping. He knows I have been in therapy for over a year but I don't think he truly gets how non-functioning I have been. He promised we'd work through the documents (about 3 boxes of paperwork) together on Sunday. Instead he slept until almost 6 pm When he woke up he went into the home office & played video games. He came out for dinner. I had the 3 boxes lined up but he just disappeared back into the home office. I'm wondering if he expected me to chase him into the office & demand that we get started. Most of the time that is what I have to do to get him to do anything. It's really starting to grate on my last nerve. I cried myself to sleep. Does anybody have any other suggestions about how I can motivate him to help me? The info is far too sensative to pay somebody else to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 If he promised to help, can you just gently remind him of his promise? I mean from your posts it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship and a gentle reminder should be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 If he promised to help, can you just gently remind him of his promise? I mean from your posts it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship and a gentle reminder should be enough. On this issue it won't be. Besides, I thought lining up the boxes was the getle reminder, especially after he promised the night before. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Does anybody have any other suggestions about how I can motivate him to help me? The info is far too sensative to pay somebody else to deal with it. ......But it's far to important to not get done. There is no other choice here, either he sits down with the paperwork and doesn't get up till it's done or you take it to the accountant,,,, period. Give him those two options. Git'r done today or pay someone else to go through your sensitive documents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 ......Give him those two options. Git'r done today or pay someone else to go through your sensitive documents. This is the cr@p the lawyers & accountants gave me back to deal with. That's how messed up I am about this. I can't even do this, despite the fact that they are "making it easy for me." I know he also promised both the accountant & the lawyer that he would help me deal because they both recognize that I'm not coping. Maybe, I just need to get good and mad about the whole thing because then I may be able to do it myself. The fact that I can at least formulate a post is some indication that I'm improving. I didn't even have the wearwithall to complain before. So that's something. . . right? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) Tommorrow is tax day & the accountant filed an extension. The info is far too sensative to pay somebody else to deal with it. I don't understand these two statements fully. You have an accountant for the taxes, but the bulk of information too sensitive for someone to sort and organize before hand? Accounts or financial professionals have a certain legal ethical code not to disclose client information - and if needed you can ask for their privacy policy in writing. They have probably seen lots of sensitive or usual money information from folks. I am sorry for your struggles emotionally. Your husband sounds a bit insensitive and unsporting - was he always this way ?- or perhaps he is at a place after a while of dealing with it too? another idea perhaps - anyway you could take a day or two off work from your business or home duties and go somewhere (library or something) to quietly focus on this task? Edited April 14, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 I don't understand these two statements fully. You have an accountant for the taxes, but the bulk of information too sensitive for someone to sort and organzie before hand? Accounts or financial professionals have a certain legal ethical code not to disclose client information - and if needed you can ask for their privacy policy in writing. They have probably seen lots of sensitive or usual money information from folks. I am sorry for your struggles emotionally. Your husband sounds a bit insensitive and unsporting - was he always this way - or I only wonder if he now struggles with your long depression and handling of things too ? This is the stuff the accountants & lawyers gave me back to deal with. They have already whittled it down to this "managable" level but I'm still stuck. DH is not the most sensative guy. I know he loves me but I also know he has very little abllity to communicate. He's made tremendous strides but this is something else. I don't even need him to talk to me. I just need him to sort through documents & shove them under my nose for me to sign. If there is stuff that needs to be paid, I hoped he'd write the checks & put stamps on the envelopes kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Is there some reason why you couldn't say "Hey, let's go through those boxes now?" It seems really strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Is there some reason why you couldn't say "Hey, let's go through those boxes now?" It seems really strange. No but I thought I had said it Saturday night. I didn't want to pounce on him when he just woke up. On some levels I guess I'm guilty of wanting him to be a mind reader & say OK, I can tell you want to deal with this, let's do it. It sucks on some level to always have to be the one to start the conversations about addressing the things that have to be done in life. Another example; it's petty but it's typical. Over Christmas we booked tickets to visit his mother in Florida for Easter. At that time I asked him to ask his mother if she wanted to go to a particular restaurant for Easter. For the next several months every time I asked, about every 3 weeks, he said he had not talked to her. I reminded him this was a popular place & reservations were filling up. I didn't want to call because it's an expensive restaurant & his family already thinks I'm a bit spoiled. I do like & can afford more upscale places then they are used to so it's better when DH suggest the place & offers to treat. Then he's the good son. This morning he texted me that everybody was OK with the restaurant. Guess what? 5 days before Easter they are full. Grrrrr Link to post Share on other sites
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