tablettt2004 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 my husband has become very close to a high school male friend. they go out every weekend because he said he needs to destress and i accept it. but now his friend also calls every day and 10 min at least every time (sometimes multiple times a day). My husband dated men before but he told me his friend is 100% straight. I told him it concerns me that their bond has grown so intensely but he said he surely doenst plan to have a gay relationship with his friend. Soon I'm going to visit my family for 2 weeks and he said he has planned a road trip with his friend. I dont know if this trip means anything unusual? I want to trust that there is nothing but their behavior cant persuade me. Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Sounds very worrying. A bromance is nice but this sounds very intense. Calls several times a day? What do you know about the friend's sexual preference? Is he in a relationship? I think you have a right to express your worries and he should respect your feelings of unease and calm down a little with this 'friend'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 What can you do? Can you forbid him from having contact with his friend? I doubt it. I think focusing on the relationship you two have, and whether the friendship is negatively affecting it, is the way to go. You want your relationship to be the best it can be. If you move forward with yourselves as the focus I think it might be less likely to elicit a defensive reaction from him. Tricky one, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 So your husband is/was bisexual? Would you tolerate this behavior/relationship if the friend was female? and perhaps worse its a guy, cause that itch can't get scratched by you. At this point your radar is going off and with some reason. Time for you to do a little (or lot) of snooping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 If your gut is telling you something isn't right, then I doubt you're just being paranoid. You seemed to have been ok with his relationship so it doesn't seem like you're being overly possessive and noticing a gradual increase in the relationship, I mean they hang out every weekend, call each other all the time which is a bit suspicious even for a bromance but It depends on the circumstances too and his age, the guys I know don't spend a lot of time talking and definitely don't see each other every weekend. So I'd say if this guy is a grown man, there's no immediate reason to be in constant communication like mutual hobby/interest/work-related, yet they constantly call and see each other and now going on a "trip" together, maybe fishing like in Brokeback Mountain..which the guy is bisexual for a fact at least if maybe even gay, I mean c'mon, this doesn't sound right. The fact that you married a man that used to pound @ss though, I mean you know the risks right? he might not be completely past that, he might be interested in that side of the sexual/emotional relationship, he might not even be bisexual just gay. Link to post Share on other sites
bobjon Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I guess I might come off cold but I would snoop as much as possible and if he truly is stepping over the line, get over him because that means he wants something you can never give him and you will forever fight with that. I cannot imagine marrying someone that "was" gay. That just seems like train wreck coming. I can only offer a VERY straight mans perspective but being VERY MUCH not into pounding dudes, I could only imagine if a guy even "once" EVER even kissed a dude, there are issues there. Real men have trouble even touching each other much less more than that! So....I would be looking for anything that seems less than manly. Touching, holding, sharing a drink, you name it. Hell, you could probably just look at the other dude and figure it out...For some reason gay guys WANT to look gay around here. skinny jeans, walk like a girl, limp wristed, dressed to the 9s, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soursoupz Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Its crazy. Now you have to worry also about the males your husband is freind with? I would say once you knew you should have not marry him. If there is no conversion from mind soul and body, i dont think he is not playing in the gay field any more. Because there are things you better not do ever. Because once you do it the way back is almost impossible. Affair or not, calling someone that much is shore not okay.. There most be something going on. I would say have no sex or only safe sex with him, and sit and have a much more serious conversation with him, and dont be blind or naive to get to the bottom of this. Maybe its not a affair, but it doesnt sound okay. I would say take a look in his phone etc. Or drive by at his friend unannounced. It would be crazy and messy to get play by a gay husband. The world we live in................... Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Personally, I don't buy this 'bi-sexual' business. In my experience, if someone says they are 'bi' then the gender they prefer is their own. As another poster has said, would you be concerned if this was a woman that was 'phoning him every day? I have a bad feeling about this "road trip", sorry. I'd lie low and keep snooping, as you don't have much to go on at the moment. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Your husband is having an emotional affair, that much is clear. Let's say the other guy really is 100% straight, your husband isn't. His attention on this guy is making you uncomfortable, he's spending an inordinate amount of time with a new friend and you're feeling like you're competing. Don't argue with your husband about the other guy's sexual orientation, he's got a reason to be in denial and it will waste your time on something you can't know for sure. But you should know plenty of people realize they're bi or come out mid-life after having families. Cynthia Nixon for example. What do you want from him? It's hard to do this, I personally feel it's embarrassing to sound so demanding and needy at times, but talking honestly about what you need from him and his respecting it by changing his behavior as you two can best compromise is what you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 OP, since this appears to be an 'old' acquaintance, depending on your and H's ages, what's your relationship with the high school male friend? Generally, a man's close friends are also friends of the marriage and spouse. How does it go for you? Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Personally, I don't buy this 'bi-sexual' business. In my experience, if someone says they are 'bi' then the gender they prefer is their own. You haven't met the enough people then to inform you accurately and I hope you are open to new experiences of people. I live on the West Coast of the U.S., that could make a difference as people are probably more open about everything personal than in England, right? Bi is a real state of biology, and the relationships regardless of gender look and sound like anything on LS. I've watched friends and family members go from dating a man to a woman and back again. The relationships stay or fall apart for the same reasons. The intensity of beginnings and the pain of breakups are the same regardless of the gender they're dating. Settling down and staying monogamous happens for the same reasons. We're born a particular way, and we're born across a spectrum of gay, bi, straight -- that's just biology and it's not just humans. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 ^^^ thank you for setting that straight VR, it was necessary and pertinent for this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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