Jump to content

money vs life


Recommended Posts

BOREDouttaMymind

if your partner was a police officer and he said to you: "I need to buy a bullet proof vest, the one the department gives us is crap".. would your response be..

 

1.. "ok honey, price doesn't matter, its you I care about"

 

or

 

2. "those are a lot of money".

 

..because I got 2 tonight from my partner and im not sure how to feel about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
BOREDouttaMymind

sad I have to question why I feel this way. if roles were reversed I would have gone out and bought her the best one without her even asking.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Her answer sucks. Point out to her that the expense is probably tax deductible. (Check with a tax professional for sure)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Body armor, even the good stuff, isn't that expensive, especially compared to the risks it mitigates, so I'd go with #1 if my spouse was a LEO or in any other profession where guns might be aimed at her, or I'd let her use mine :)

 

I look at it like tools. In any given day, I can throw upward of 100K worth of tooling at a job. Sure, I can skimp, but the job won't go as fast, be as accurate, nor provide the value the customer expects. I could use the cheap stuff that lasts a couple of jobs, or buy quality that performs and lasts.

 

Why quibble when it's one's life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BlametheIrish

Number 1 of course. Is your SO a money saver by nature? Are you two on a tight budget? Just wondering if she may be overly concerned when it comes to money. None of this would excuse her insensitivity to your safety, but it would still be a better answer than she's just selfish with money or something like that.

 

Why do you think.she would answer like that?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
BOREDouttaMymind

she answered like that because that was probably her first real thought. they are several hundred dollars. shes not a saver by nature. im not much of one, I like buying things too.

 

I just always feel that in any relationship im in im the do'er and my partners are always the takers. if she needed something like a vest I seriously would have bought the best one online the very next day and surprised her.

 

its really hard talking about your SO, ya know? shes a good person, I just feel very confused. thanks for the response.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not a spender. The words, 'Those are a lot of money" might come out of my mouth even if it were for my kid, or for me.

 

It doesn't mean I put the money before my partner's life. It's necessary. Buy it. But I'm still going to cringe about the expense.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill

You're asking us to judge her based on one interaction, but I think tensions over money are best illustrated by the context.

 

If - for example - you frequently go over budget or don't like to be tied down to spending limits, making her responsible for your financial stability - then she's probably gotten in the habit of reacting negatively to every discussion about spending, regardless of what it's for.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When I started dating a LEO, I thought I knew everything there was to know when it came to dating a LEO. I couldn't be any more further than the truth, and learned a lot about being a partner of someone in law enforcement. Little things like not being able to go to certain areas because he walked the beat there to things like gun storage and generally keeping things on the down low when discussing with other people what my SO did for work. All this was to ensure no danger would ever cross over from his job into our personal lives and we would always have to consider precautions due to hazards of his job.

 

Not a lot of people who doesn't have a background in law enforcement know this coming into relationships with LEOs.

 

While I wouldn't have said that about the price tag on your armor, you probably should remember she's not in law enforcement (assuming she's not a LEO). She may not have realized her comment was going to be hurtful. You should be tactful and take the initiative in explaining to her how it made you feel. Hopefully, she'll realize the error of her way, and apologize.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
BOREDouttaMymind

all good points for the most part. im not asking anyone to judge her. my question is on how others would have answered. thanks y'all!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I might have said number 2. We spent yet more hundreds of pounds yesterday on 'stuff' ready for the new baby. We want this baby more than anything in the world and definitely need the things we picked up. Didn't stop us bemoaning how expensive the items are and how it seems over-priced compared to what it might cost to manufacture.

 

I don't find her comment offensive, but if she begrudged you spending the money or suggested you return it that's a different kettle of fish.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say BUY the vest of course. But, I'd also find out why the whatever police department he works for isn't providing the absolute BEST and SAFEST vest possible for their officers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd feel terrible, so I def don't blame you.

 

That being said, I also think it's wise to reconsider how much money you are spending for your safety at your JOB, which is supposed to be bringing in money.

 

If the ratio becomes too high, perhaps it may be a good idea to consider another job. The department should be taking care of its officers, and if despite multiple petitions it chooses to gamble their lives away, these people should have the right to take their own lives back and quit the job.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
BOREDouttaMymind

its just like any other job. someone at a deskjob has a horrible desk chair so they go buy a new one. its just like that. except in my case my 'chair' can stop bullets.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
BOREDouttaMymind

that's like telling a parent to find out why their school doesn't have the best teachers. its not going to change anything. but thanks!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I view LEO's a lot like other skilled professions which use personal tools. There is employer supplied equipment, which meets employer standards; then there is what employees choose to add to their toolbox/equipment list which they prefer.

 

As someone who's worked with tools for decades and has hundreds of thousands tied up in them, clearly there are levels. In the case of ballistic armor, since no product is entirely 'bulletproof', the same levels apply. The employer sets their level and what they will provide. The employee decides if that is satisfactory or if they desire a better tool for themselves and, if so, then purchases it.

 

In fairness, and I dealt with this in my M when buying a piece of equipment for the shop, my exW was clueless about what machine tools and tooling cost and, of course, it seemed 'expensive' to her. I didn't expect her to understand, as the intricacies of my profession were just as opaque to her as those of hers were opaque to me. That's normal. Hence, such comments didn't phase me. I saw them as normal.

 

From my readings, the OP has a healthy M so this scenario is probably more humorous than serious. My bet is that he had a bit of fun with it. I know I would ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...