liliana17 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I use the word karma because i don't know what other word to use but did a cheating ex ever get what was coming to them? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I'm not sure that I am using the word "karma" in the correct context, but my cheating exH is certainly having a rough time. Just in case you haven't seen my other posts, I threw out and divorced my WH after I found out he was having an affair with a girl who worked for him. She had a BF at the time and when the BF found out he dumped her and she and WH ended up together. She got pregnant about 4 years later so they got married. The baby was a still born and the next one was a cot-death. They eventually had 2 more kids. She has been hopsitalised twice for mental-health issues (severe depression) so he has had to take time off work to look after the kids. They tried to sell a house and lost £10,000s on the deal. They went on an expensive holiday to celebrate a wedding anniversary, USA I think, and her mother died while they were away. Someone poisoned their pets. One of the kids went to USA for a holiday and was taken ill in NY and had to have emergency surgery. They bought a holiday home in Spain and rented it out. The tenants stole all the furniture out of it and trashed it. The bottom has now dropped out of the Spanish property market, so it's worth zilch. When I threw WH out I told him that he would be punished for the way he treated me. It looks like it's happened. Karma? Who knows. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Nope. My exes all went on to have lovely relationships and happiness. Which is fine. I'm only concerned with my life now. Their lives are no longer relevant to mine. I'm happy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) Nope. As far as I know, my first wife is living the life she always wanted, which is unmarried, childless, focused on her career, with an occasional lover. Good we free to pursue different lives, what a waste of time our marriage was. Edited January 16, 2014 by dichotomy 5 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 you know, I asked a similar question a while back in another section and people were so against the theory of karma and my desire that my cheating ex be paid back from the universe for what he did. what's so wrong with wanting your ex to experience a bit of payback? anyway, mine hasn't (yet) but he will. I believe very much in karma and that eventually people who make you suffer will get what is coming to them. too bad I might not know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
peaksandvalleys Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I use the word karma because i don't know what other word to use but did a cheating ex ever get what was coming to them? Yes, I gave him what was coming to him. With both barrels and a cannon. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) As the former OW who married the man she was seeing, if I got my "karma" or not... It's all a matter of perception, I guess. On who you ask. If you were to ask my ex husband, he'd say no. But then again, he wouldn't wish anything bad on me because of the affair. If you were to ask my husband's ex wife, she'd most likely say no... It's hard to tell if she'd say we got only happiness, none of the pain, and live a stress-free and joyful life free of all consequences while she perpetually struggles, or if she says that we're both secretly miserable and only put on a good show to make people think we're OK. Depends on the day, I suppose. If you ask her family, they'd say no, but we will get what's coming to us... Any day now... If you were to ask her friends (and his co-workers as she and he work together), they'd say yes because they think we're secretly miserable and struggling, or at least he is. If you were to ask his deeply religious family, she'd say yes, but that's because she subscribes to the theory that bad things happen to bad people, so anything negative we experience, be it a house fire or a hang nail, is God's retribution. If you were to ask me... Life has happened to us, lots of good, lots of bad, but overall, I don't think there is a karmic force out there ready to throw down the hammer because my whole life can be boiled down to this one thing I did (the affair) and is the reason I'll be forever punished, miserable, etc etc. I really don't agree in this Western idea of karma, where if you're bad you get bad. So like I said, depends on who you ask. Edited January 25, 2014 by Anne Boleyn Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 As the former OW who married the man she was seeing, if I got my "karma" or not... It's all a matter of perception, I guess. On who you ask. If you were to ask my ex husband, he'd say no. But then again, he wouldn't wish anything bad on me because of the affair. If you were to ask my husband's ex wife, she'd most likely say no... It's hard to tell if she'd say we got only happiness, none of the pain, and live a stress-free and joyful life free of all consequences while she perpetually struggles, or if she says that we're both secretly miserable and only put on a good show to make people think we're OK. Depends on the day, I suppose. If you ask her family, they'd say no, but we will get what's coming to us... Any day now... If you were to ask her friends (and his co-workers as she and he work together), they'd say yes because they think we're secretly miserable and struggling, or at least he is. If you were to ask his deeply religious family, she'd say yes, but that's because she subscribes to the theory that bad things happen to bad people, so anything negative we experience, be it a house fire or a hang nail, is God's retribution. If you were to ask me... Life has happened to us, lots of good, lots of bad, but overall, I don't think there is a karmic force out there ready to throw down the hammer because my whole life can be boiled down to this one thing I did (the affair) and is the reason I'll be forever punished, miserable, etc etc. I really don't agree in this Western idea of karma, where if you're bad you get bad. So like I said, depends on who you ask. it'll come... I'm thinking when you can't get pregnant or when he cheats again... it happens whether you attribute it to karma or not. and some people (like his ex, for example) might be satisfied that you hit your hand on a nail, while other (like me :-) would want it to be much more significant and suffer-worthy. so you might have already met your karma based on what others believe. but if you're bad, you don't get away with that stuff, you just don't. it might be right before you die, or it could be tomorrow. not being negative about you at all, just making a point :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 It certainly did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeingMe Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I don't believe in karma. I do believe that people with poor coping mechanisms who have made poor choices will continue to make poor choices unless they have a moment of enlightenment and start getting emotionally healthy. So... ...if someone cheats/is financially irresponsible/lies etc, they are likely to continue that way unless they do the work to change themselves. Most walk away wayward spouses don't want to do the work (hence why they walk away). Therefore they are very likely to keep making poor choices and stuff up their lives. If they walk away to be with a fellow wayward thinking partner, that's even more likely to happen. All actions have consequences. Some consequences are obvious right away, others take a while to appear. But you know, the biggest consequence is that they have to live with themselves and the choices they have made. Yes, they often project all the mistakes onto other people, but that's because deep down (unless they're a sociopath etc) they can't face themselves, can't love themselves, and that's the best 'karma' of all. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Karma ... Lovely idea. But, it only exists in reality as a kind of metaphor, where a person's worst attributes cause suffering for others, but then also for themselves. That, you don't have to believe in, as it can be plainly observed - no need for any cosmic force malarkey. Selfishness is hard to hide. Unfortunately, people can do bad stuff and oft evade cosmic retribution - because it doesn't exist! They also sleep well at night - extra well in fact, because they don't care! They're not worrying about the any evil they did because they never think of it, their concerns are for themselves. It's just the way it is. BeingMe is right. Also the poster with the sig that goes : "All things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that we are stupid and make bad decisions." That skewers it IMHO. Edited January 25, 2014 by TiredFamilyGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I use the word karma because i don't know what other word to use but did a cheating ex ever get what was coming to them? Come-uppance. kick in the @$s Just deserts. But you're right. Karma isn't the word. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I'm not sure that I am using the word "karma" in the correct context, but my cheating exH is certainly having a rough time. ..... Karma? Who knows. I do. And it's a 'no'. you know, I asked a similar question a while back in another section and people were so against the theory of karma and my desire that my cheating ex be paid back from the universe for what he did. what's so wrong with wanting your ex to experience a bit of payback? anyway, mine hasn't (yet) but he will. I believe very much in karma and that eventually people who make you suffer will get what is coming to them. too bad I might not know what happens. Suffer, ok. What's coming to them, ok. Payback, ok. Karma? Nope. I don't believe in karma. All actions have consequences. Some consequences are obvious right away, others take a while to appear. But you know, the biggest consequence is that they have to live with themselves and the choices they have made. Yes, they often project all the mistakes onto other people, but that's because deep down (unless they're a sociopath etc) they can't face themselves, can't love themselves, and that's the best 'karma' of all. Karma = Action. Vipaka = consequence. You DO 'believe' in karma. You just didn't realise it. Guys, it's all in my signature!! Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Not yet...but I'll go stand in traffic later and up the odds if ya want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 It is funny how my ex thought she such hot stuff after the separation because she was so sure she was going to take me to the cleaners and live this fabulous life. That isn't exactly how things turned out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 My SIL and BIL married after an affair during his wife's pregnancy. High drama. Big mess. 17 years later, they have three kids. He has been fired repeatedly for sexual harassment. She has been, also. She is an alcoholic. There is a long list of messes and crap that has rained upon their heads. He is very clearly a serial cheater. But I don't think it's because of a universal push and pull, but rather a total inability to learn and grow from mistakes, and make better choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) it'll come... I'm thinking when you can't get pregnant or when he cheats again... Well, we already have a child together and he got a vasectomy and I got a balloon ab. I tend to think that if I can't get pregnant, it's due to a conscious choice between the two of us, paired with advances in medicine and not an act of "karma." Considering both of us arrived at our choices in birth control after a conversation that went something like "I'd rather set my hair on fire than have more kids" "he, me too!" I don't think either one of us will leave or view it as a punishment for our affair. In fact, I was trying for children with my husband before the affair, no viable pregnancies, tons of losses. We all thought pregnancy was not an option, then surprise! We got pregnant and the pregnancy maintained. it happens whether you attribute it to karma or not. and some people (like his ex, for example) might be satisfied that you hit your hand on a nail, while other (like me :-) would want it to be much more significant and suffer-worthy. so you might have already met your karma based on what others believe. His actually subscribes to the same school of thought you do in that true karma is nothing short of Godzilla stomping through our house after we've both been diagnosed with cancer, but I digress. Again, I think she's taken it upon herself to imagine we're secretly miserable, on the rocks, and that gives her happiness. If it happens whether you attribute it to karma or not, then it seems to me the punishment of karma is more for the people hoping you get it than for the person who you believe deserves it. One would think that karma would be this punitive force that, no matter what, when you get it, you know it. Otherwise, what's the point? If you really want to break it down, have bad things happened to us? Sure, of course they have. But was it karma or was it life? I mean, the pregnancy that resulted in my our child was originally one where I was carrying triplets, but I lost two... Is that karma or is that the fact that my body can't maintain a pregnancy and so it was a miracle to keep the one? He had a surgical procedure that should have been simple, but instead he got infected and he got sick with a recovery period of a week instead of a day. Karma or surgical complication that happens to anybody? I contracted Lyme disease and had wild issues because of it. Still do. Karma or a summer in New England? Everybody I know has contracted Lyme disease at one point or another. We bought a new car together and at mile 700, it broke down and left us stranded by the side of the road. Karma or a lemon? They paid for a year of car payments and we got a new transmission with extended warranty, so despite the initial hassle, we got actually a good deal. I mean, I can tick off every bad thing that's happened to us since the start of our affair, both the emotional end and the physical end, and we could play this game of "is it karma?" But the truth of the matter is the things that happened to us happen to a lot of people. Good people. Cars break down, surgeries have complications, miscarriages happen (especially to women prone to them already), even the Lyme disease... It just happens, and it probably would have happened to us (if it didn't already) even if we didn't have the affair. And for every bad thing, I can think of just as many and more amazing things that happened, things that probably would have never happened if we weren't together. We're married, something we never thought would happen. We've been together with each other longer than we were with our ex's. We have our child, something that happened for us naturally despite my trying with somebody else for almost 5 years. Our child changed me for the better and became the reason behind the best relationship I've ever had with my family. And because of our relationship I have two step children, whom I adore, and who adore me as well. I got my absolute dream job, something I'd have never pursued if it weren't for him. That dream job has meant everything from income free trips, even walking the red carpet at movie premières. All of this wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gone on an extravagant vacation. And that same extravagant vacation, which we loved doing, motivated us to be debt-free, and we nearly are. Now we take a lot of extravagant vacations several times a year. I recovered to a functional life despite a heart condition that was supposed to be debilitating and fatal, and that recovery pushed me to lofty goals, one of which was a half marathon which we ran and completed last November. And I'm running another half again in about a month, which means an extravagant vacation. Financially, we are both better off than we ever have been. And personally, we're both happier than we've ever been in our lives. We have a really, really good life. So do we say "ha ha, she got Lyme and sometimes she can't remember her name or stand up without a cane and she's got early arthritis before she's 40, there's their comeuppance!" or do we say "they go on vacations, they have disposable income, no debt, three beautiful kids that they love and who love them, they're obviously happy together... Karma will get them one day..."? That's where it's a matter of perspective, I guess. I tend to think though, when we die, be it in a month, a year, or a century, I'll have people standing over my casket and saying "Karma finally got her.". but if you're bad, you don't get away with that stuff, you just don't. it might be right before die, or it could be tomorrow. Well we could have a debate forever on this one. I could say that we're all bad, in one way or another, to somebody or to ourselves. I could ask who defines bad? Or if it's a singular bad thing that defines the whole of a person, like an affair, or if it's a overall "bad" person we're talking about. Then we could talk about who defines what the bad karma is, like I did above... Or we could debate that during the divorce, his spouse and family did just as many "bad" things, so does that mean the karma train is coming to her too? Or does karma pick who karma likes least and punish them? And then, there's the classic "sometimes nothing happens to bad people while good people get the low end of the stick every day." Again, it's starting to appear as if the idea of concept isn't so much something that's fear of those who scorned, but wishful projection upon those who were scorned. That's why this western concept of Karma, this "you cross me, the universe will get you" is a flawed one, especially when compared to the Eastern concept of karma, where karma is the consequence of an action, good or bad. You blow out a candle, the karma is the flame goes out. Western concepts of karma would be trying to figure out what the flame did to deserve being blown out and attributing it to the bad nature of the flame itself. not being negative about you at all, just making a point :-) Oh of course not, what at all could possibly be negative about telling a stranger that their "karma" will come by the way of their children and otherwise predicting doom, gloom, and death towards somebody who admits to having an affair. All seems quite positive to me. Sorry about the double post... My tablet obviously hiccupped. Edited January 25, 2014 by Anne Boleyn Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 My "cheating" could be looked on as just desserts for her many years of emotional, verbal and physical abuse. I put cheating in quotes because my relationship happened after she told me she wanted a divorce. I allowed myself to be seduced by the next woman who came onto me. She tells friends and family that I had an affair. I was legally married so it was adultery but it wasn't an affair. I was ostracized by a lot of so called friends and it was very painful. Today I have moved on completely and am happy in my life. My ex wife is completely miserable. She's highly educated with a successful work history but is too emotionally messed up and depressed to get a job. She tells me she loves me and wants me back. I feel very sorry for her but I'm not going back. I went back before. I think the reason I had my adulterous relationship was to make sure there was no going back this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 it'll come... I'm thinking when you can't get pregnant That someone would say this says more about them than it ever will about someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 No my ex hasn't had Karma get him yet. I agree with a few other posts on here that say that anything bad that will end up happening to him will be because of his inability to make good choices. Not because of some cosmic force making it happen. Will he cheat on this new girl? You know what? I really hope he doesn't. I hope he learns from his mistakes with me, with his ex-wife, with the way he's raised his 3 children from 3 different mothers. I hope he chooses to see things differently and try a different path this time with this girl. That actually is a very tough thing for me to say. Part of me would love to see him hurt the exact same way he hurt me. It was very painful what he did to me. It still is. There are days when I feel like I'm so broken I'll never find love again. Despite all of that, I don't know that I want to watch him live a miserable life. Him living a miserable life will have a negative impact on our son. I'd rather he go on and be happy and become a better father than for him to continue on the path he's been on. I wish the same for myself too. Maybe I'm just idealistic. I've been accused of that more than once. But I'd rather not see karma come and get him. Not today anyway. Ask me that question again after he says or does something completely ridiculous to me and I might respond differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Obviously talking to myself here, for the most part.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 So you are saying that Karma can't "get" you. Karma is what you choose to do, what path you choose to follow and the natural consequences you endure directly from those actions is the result. Good actions reap good rewards. Poor actions reap poor rewards. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 In a nutshell.... if we take this to its full discursive level, naturally, it's a little more convoluted than that, but that's the gist of it.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Obviously talking to myself here, for the most part.... Did somebody say something? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Oh Anne... I can always count on YOU to listen. That, and the three rolls of duct tape I use to pin you to the chair..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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