FitChick Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Yet another survey showing that the happiest married couples are the ones that are childfree. I've been following surveys like this for decades and they are pretty consistent in the US and UK. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I would have to agree based on my own experience. Just dealing with one other person's bullsh is enough... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BOREDouttaMymind Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 hello fitchick. long time no read. sounds like it could be true. cant be true for everyone though. my cousin has 4 kids and she cant stand the thought of not having them. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I find it hard to take these things seriously to be honest. The energy and effort has to be split when you have kids, but the happiness I get from my kid, the fulfilment and the, frankly, joy, just can't be measured against a relationship/marriage survey in my view. I'd happily sacrifice some of my relationship happiness to 'buy' some parental happiness. As a whole person, it suits me better. Based on what I know. I fell pregnant at 19 so can't compare an adult life as a non-parent... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) I find it hard to take these things seriously to be honest. I totally agree. If our reconciliation fails and we split I would be very sad but I could cope. if I lost one of my children I don't think I could go on - I know that sounds melodramatic but it's how I feel. They are the best of me, the best of my acheivements and I love them completely. We had been together for many years when we decided to have children, prior to that I hadn't wanted them and H has resigned himself to childlessness. It was a revelation to me. Have to say that yes, having kids has affected our marriage, negatively as well as positively, but it has enriched my life as an individual. I think my H would say the same. Edited June 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Yet another survey showing that the happiest married couples are the ones that are childfree. I've been following surveys like this for decades and they are pretty consistent in the US and UK. I would agree with this, from what I have seen and experienced. My kids are grown; my H's kids lived with is initially until they left home. Now it is just the two of us, and every day is an adventure! It's nice to see our kids, but even better when we have our space to ourselves again! Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Not a fan of surveys when taken as gospel. I think the marriage can only be "happier" childless if the people involved want to be childless. and how does one rate their happiness? For instance if a couple was happier before they got married or had kids is it because of those changes or... Is it because they were in the early years of a relationship. Also, how can you compare between couples. A DINK family sometimes (I know some) want to prove how happy they are. While it is accaptable for parents to complain about the kids runin the marriage... Everyone does. Even looking around I can't say which couole is happy or unhappy. I know a DINK couple who have been married 12 years and are in a real rough patch. IMO it is because they got married at 18 and ge committed to no kids when e wanted them far too young. All I know is I am happy and I have kids. I really wanted kids and I don't regret them. But I am not in a compeition. I don't need to be the happiest... Just happy enough for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 90 something percent of men regret having kids, and 70 something percent of women regret having kids. This does not mean they don't love their kids, in fact its called the " I love my kids, I hate my life " phenomenon. So many of these couples have kids not because they really want to, but they feel like they have to. A married woman is approaching 35 so she suddenly goes insane wanting a baby, even though that's not what she really wants and she becomes unhappy a year or so later. A married man does want kids but is talked into it by his wife, or he thinks he wants kids but then realizes how extreme the change in the marriage is once the kid arrives. Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Makes sense...not that couples with kids can't be happy. My parents had 5 of us and they were always in love. I'd 'guess' childless couples are married because they want to be. Less staying together for the children. Many couples with children are not so much 'unhappy' but in some type of structured arrangement that is 'ok'. Also, just speculation. Educated women with higher incomes have less children than the least educated. Perhaps they chose marriage and a mate at a later stage of life from a more rational perspective Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Of course they're happier and generally all it has to do with is more disposable income and time. So what????? Frankly though these relationships are of a much shorter duration and they break-up at first sign of boredom or another person. Eventually too many enter their 40's and are surrounded by married friends with children and then wonder what they did (rightly or wrongly) and then are the one's the 20 year olds laugh at (behind their back) when they are at that trendy bar/nightclub/music venue....;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 i think the real question is when? until the children are on their own and established i can certainly see the everyday stresses reducing happiness. but those in their 50 and 60's? they have their lives AND those of their children and grandchildren. one only has to go to a nursing home and see the explosion of joy when ANY child walks in. i have a couple of friends that are childless. they have a very comfortable life, exotic vacations, all the toys and no stress except for their own friction and work. there is many a day i say that could have been me.......... still would not change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mik3yc Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Kids are hard work. Nothing stresses me out or tires me more than my boy. On the flip side, nothing can make me as happy or give me that feel good feeling than him also..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I think the marriage can only be "happier" childless if the people involved want to be childless. and how does one rate their happiness? Exactly. My cousin and his wife were miserable with heartache but then they finally got to adopt a baby!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I would kill to have a kid right now, and I'm not exaggerating. No I'm not dangerous, I'm just expressing how much I want a kid. I have two nephews and one niece and God I haven't felt happier in my life than the times I play with them and hug them. In their eyes I find all the happiness in the world, I can think of NOTHING that can give me more joy than this. My bf knows from day 1 that if I don't have a kid one day I'll be the most miserable person in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I could understand how this might be true. When you have no children you can invest all your emotional energy into your spouse which simply would give more time and convenience to be more romantic and to just make things about you guys, while as a parent you have a lot more to juggle and if not managed correctly your romantic relationship could dwindle to just having a co-parent relationship with your SO. Based on what I see it's not always easy for people to maintain "us as a romantic couple" and "us as parents" separation, sometimes the latter completely takes over. I really admire couples who balance both and I aspire to that, but I do imagine it takes work and may be a bit easier to just fall into the co-parent role where everything is about your children. Kids are great and I definitely want them, but I have always wanted it to be just me and my husband for a while to settle into things as a couple before adding children, as it does change things and the change can be positive for your romantic relationship or not, and I would definitely like to be in the number where it doesn't negatively impact our relationship as a couple and not just mom and dad. I want my kids to realize we're their parents but also mom is dad's "gf" and dad is mom's "bf" so to speak i.e. they see that we co-parent but also witness us having our own romantic relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) 90 something percent of men regret having kids, and 70 something percent of women regret having kids. Where'd you get these figures from? However, what is useful is that I do think that loving your children and not being able to see life without them is not really the same as marital happiness, which I imagine is what the survey is measuring. It isn't measuring if your life would be happier without your children but the effect of children on the happiness in the marriage and how well one is probably able to maintain a romantic relationship with one's spouse when you have children. Edited June 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) .......Kids are great and I definitely want them, but I have always wanted it to be just me and my husband for a while to settle into things as a couple before adding children, as it does change things and the change can be positive for your romantic relationship or not, and I would definitely like to be in the number where it doesn't negatively impact our relationship as a couple and not just mom and dad. I want my kids to realize we're their parents but also mom is dad's "gf" and dad is mom's "bf" so to speak i.e. they see that we co-parent but also witness us having our own romantic relationship. That's such a great observation. Partners can be married, etc...but always keep that boyfriend/girlfriend spark. . My adult daughters know when to leave me and my 'boyfriend ' alone. Every so often they will text me with some funny little innuendo that they hope I'm not in the middle of doing something I used to warn them about. Edited June 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My daughter is my world, but it was nice when school started again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Where'd you get these figures from? However, what is useful is that I do think that loving your children and not being able to see life without them is not really the same as marital happiness, which I imagine is what the survey is measuring. It isn't measuring if your life would be happier without your children but the effect of children on the happiness in the marriage and how well one is probably able to maintain a romantic relationship with one's spouse when you have children. Good post and anothet thing on the "stats" about "regrettin having kids" are they based on at one point the parents have felt some regret or every single day. I've made a lot of descision, some really good ones in the end, that I have regreted at some point or other. But that doesn't mean my life long feelings are of regret. If I see my child free friends take off to Paris I feel a smidgen of jealousy and regret that it isn't me but I don't live everyday regretting my descsison to have kids. When my husband is an A$$ i might in the moment feel regret for marrying him but generally I am glad I did. So those "stats" are the lifelong regrets or just at any point have uou regreted your descision to have kids. Because if they are true and it is the the former... Ouch for those poor kids! And as to the happiest couple speel again. "why does everything in life have to be a competition and compared?" Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Every so often they will text me with some funny little innuendo that they hope I'm not in the middle of doing something I used to warn them about. The thought of my mother warning my siblings and I about her having sex with her boyfriend makes me cringe. Hard. ------------------------ Anyway, some relevant points raised in this thread re: balancing a romantic relationship vs. becoming parents. Definitely a factor. I suppose couples that choose not to have children may be happier some of the time, but correlation and causation and such. I imagine that a lot of couples stay in unfulfilling relationships for the children, whereas childless couples may find it easier to call it quits and seek happiness - this may impact the survey results quite a bit, and in these instances, it was the relationship troubles and weaknesses that would be more at fault as opposed to the presence of children. I think a solid, stable and compatible couple that want children would be able to remain happy for the most part. Adding children to a less than ideal relationship would obviously cause strain and aggravate existing issues significantly. I think it ultimately boils down to who is having the children really, the foundations of their relationship, their individual security, confidence and independence, and their happiness prior to having children. I could not imagine the heartache that those desperately wanting to conceive but being unable to experience. A couple in my family are in this position, and they are quick to state that they missed out on something huge. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Oh good! Another qualitative report that states assertions with no reporting of statistical strength. Wouldn't be surprised if the spread was absolutely no different than 4400 coin flips. That's science! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Has having children made me happier than I was before? | Life and style | The Guardian I liked this piece about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Good article. A Guardian reader good for you. Cannot live without my online Guardian. Has having children made me happier than I was before? | Life and style | The Guardian I liked this piece about it. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) A Guardian reader in Holland Park? Edited June 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 As much as I love my son, I have to admit that my relationship/marriage to my ex wife was much better before he was born. Our attention was always on each other all the time, but that changed once we became parents. After he was born, I remember I longed for times when it was just my wife and I. I don't regret having him, but we had more time for each other and our relationship had more passion. Link to post Share on other sites
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