Recommendations to convince wife to give our young marriage a second chance

[kess4667]

Hey everyone,

 

My wife and I have been married four months and together two years. This past Saturday we went to her work christmas party and got into a massive fight that caused her to take her kids and leave Monday with her father. We both have very strong minds and bad stubbornness, and it only gets worse when we drink. We both can say the meanest things when we are angry and we do just to upset the other one, even though everything we say we do not mean. We have made great strides in our two years but we hit the lowest of lows after this christmas party this past saturday.

 

I had asked her to slow down her drinking at the party and she agreed but wasn't too happy about it. Several guys at her work kept buying her shots and she kept taking them. This really upset me but I didn't get upset with her. I wanted her to have fun and enjoy her first company christmas party that she helped set up. Throughout the night I kept asking her to dance with me but she refused because of stories my best friend told her about how horrible my dancing was 15 years ago. This hurt a little but again, I let it go and kept enjoying the party. After six shots and a few drinks I look and see her on the dancefloor with another guy who she has told me all about cheating on his wife with another girl that works there. I was in shock and very upset. My wife is very beautiful and I'm not the jealous type but this really hurt me and angered me that she wouldn't dance with her husband but would dance with this guy, without asking me first nonetheless. I felt it was a huge disrespect to our marriage.

 

When we left I called her out in the car telling her how disrespected I felt and how obnoxious she was acting overall yelling and being wild. I know I should have waited until she sobered up the next day but I was drinking too because I was so upset. That was a mistake on my part. We are driving home while yelling at each other and we were close to her ex-husband's house and I said I should just drop you off here. Mistake on my part. She said I'd like to f*** him right now. This sent me over the edge and I countered how my ex was better looking and better than her. Mistake on my part. She started punching me in the face while I was driving and without even thinking i reacted by slapping her. HUGE mistake on my part and I never meant to do it. Never in my life have I done something like this and I told her I was sorry for doing so. She kept going crazy so I pulled over on the on ramp of the highway and we got into it even more and she took off her seatbelt and tried getting out. I pulled her back in and said are you crazy? I said please put your seatbelt back on and she refused. With my clouded emotional state I started driving and hit the brakes to scare her into putting her seat belt back on but it backfired and she hit her shoulder on the steering wheel and hurt it. I felt horrible and we went home and we laid down but I couldn't stop crying knowing how far I had let this go and that it resulted in my princess, my best friend to get hurt.

 

For the next day I did everything I could to take care of her and show her how sorry I was. I told her I was going to seek professional anger management counseling right after christmas. She said she forgave me and that she wouldn't give up on us. She went to work Monday while I did last minute christmas shopping for her parents and coworkers, while watching her boys. Then in the afternoon her dad shows up with her and asks me what happened. I told him everything and broke down. I have great respect for him and I told him I was sorry for what I had done and for letting him down. They all left and now I am alone on christmas. We talked a little but she is still very angry, and rightfully so. She said she doesn't know if we will get back together or how long it will take if we do. She will leave it in gods hands.

 

I love this woman more than anything in the world and I know she feels the same for me. What I did was wrong and I am the first to admit my faults and I have already taken steps to start addressing them. What should I do about mending things with her? I am trying to give her space so she can calm down but I'm not sure how long. My best friend says I should message her daily telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her, but I think it may be a bit much. I have been in our apartment since she left Monday but I am leaving tomorrow so the boys can have their home back. I have cleaned the place really good and I am thinking of leaving flowers for her. Then mailing her a letter in a few days. How can I get her to think of our amazing times and block out this one incident? We are the happiest most loving couple in the universe 99% of the time, but that 1% when we argue it has the potential to get really bad. As I mentioned before we have made great strides since we first got together. I just don't want her to give up on us so easily. She said she is scared when I get really angry and I totally understand why. I have never been like this with anyone else. I think it's the combination of my strong love for her and her being just as stubborn as me. I tend to get butt hurt with her compared to other girls I have dated in the past. I also worry about her actions being overlooked. What I did was way worse than what she did, which is why I haven't said anything about her actions since this happened. Should I wait to talk to her about it in a calm setting if we work things out?

 

Thank you for reading my situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[d0nnivain]

Go to her. Bring flowers.

[legion113]

Hey everyone,

 

My wife and I have been married four months and together two years. This past Saturday we went to her work christmas party and got into a massive fight that caused her to take her kids and leave Monday with her father. We both have very strong minds and bad stubbornness, and it only gets worse when we drink. We both can say the meanest things when we are angry and we do just to upset the other one, even though everything we say we do not mean. We have made great strides in our two years but we hit the lowest of lows after this christmas party this past saturday.

 

I had asked her to slow down her drinking at the party and she agreed but wasn't too happy about it. Several guys at her work kept buying her shots and she kept taking them. This really upset me but I didn't get upset with her. I wanted her to have fun and enjoy her first company christmas party that she helped set up. Throughout the night I kept asking her to dance with me but she refused because of stories my best friend told her about how horrible my dancing was 15 years ago. This hurt a little but again, I let it go and kept enjoying the party. After six shots and a few drinks I look and see her on the dancefloor with another guy who she has told me all about cheating on his wife with another girl that works there. I was in shock and very upset. My wife is very beautiful and I'm not the jealous type but this really hurt me and angered me that she wouldn't dance with her husband but would dance with this guy, without asking me first nonetheless. I felt it was a huge disrespect to our marriage.

 

When we left I called her out in the car telling her how disrespected I felt and how obnoxious she was acting overall yelling and being wild. I know I should have waited until she sobered up the next day but I was drinking too because I was so upset. That was a mistake on my part. We are driving home while yelling at each other and we were close to her ex-husband's house and I said I should just drop you off here. Mistake on my part. She said I'd like to f*** him right now. This sent me over the edge and I countered how my ex was better looking and better than her. Mistake on my part. She started punching me in the face while I was driving and without even thinking i reacted by slapping her. HUGE mistake on my part and I never meant to do it. Never in my life have I done something like this and I told her I was sorry for doing so. She kept going crazy so I pulled over on the on ramp of the highway and we got into it even more and she took off her seatbelt and tried getting out. I pulled her back in and said are you crazy? I said please put your seatbelt back on and she refused. With my clouded emotional state I started driving and hit the brakes to scare her into putting her seat belt back on but it backfired and she hit her shoulder on the steering wheel and hurt it. I felt horrible and we went home and we laid down but I couldn't stop crying knowing how far I had let this go and that it resulted in my princess, my best friend to get hurt.

 

For the next day I did everything I could to take care of her and show her how sorry I was. I told her I was going to seek professional anger management counseling right after christmas. She said she forgave me and that she wouldn't give up on us. She went to work Monday while I did last minute christmas shopping for her parents and coworkers, while watching her boys. Then in the afternoon her dad shows up with her and asks me what happened. I told him everything and broke down. I have great respect for him and I told him I was sorry for what I had done and for letting him down. They all left and now I am alone on christmas. We talked a little but she is still very angry, and rightfully so. She said she doesn't know if we will get back together or how long it will take if we do. She will leave it in gods hands.

 

I love this woman more than anything in the world and I know she feels the same for me. What I did was wrong and I am the first to admit my faults and I have already taken steps to start addressing them. What should I do about mending things with her? I am trying to give her space so she can calm down but I'm not sure how long. My best friend says I should message her daily telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her, but I think it may be a bit much. I have been in our apartment since she left Monday but I am leaving tomorrow so the boys can have their home back. I have cleaned the place really good and I am thinking of leaving flowers for her. Then mailing her a letter in a few days. How can I get her to think of our amazing times and block out this one incident? We are the happiest most loving couple in the universe 99% of the time, but that 1% when we argue it has the potential to get really bad. As I mentioned before we have made great strides since we first got together. I just don't want her to give up on us so easily. She said she is scared when I get really angry and I totally understand why. I have never been like this with anyone else. I think it's the combination of my strong love for her and her being just as stubborn as me. I tend to get butt hurt with her compared to other girls I have dated in the past. I also worry about her actions being overlooked. What I did was way worse than what she did, which is why I haven't said anything about her actions since this happened. Should I wait to talk to her about it in a calm setting if we work things out?

 

Thank you for reading my situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

 

4 months in and you guys are fighting like this already? That and she totally disrespects you when she drinks, which is probably going to be even more now. Then she also hits you first, which no matter what, is still abuse, though because you slapped her you would go to jail and she would be the poor victim. Her father hates you too and probably always will. Get out of the marriage dude, it's done. Except the next time you'll be getting carted of to jail even if you don't do anything. Then she tries to jump out of a moving car! What if she had died? Why were you driving anyway after six shots and a few drinks, and I guess you were the more sober one? Unless you both stay sober, time to bail, neither of you can handle liquor responsibly.

 

"We both have very strong minds and bad stubbornness, and it only gets worse when we drink"

 

This tells me you guys drink and have fights more often than you think. I don't think it's 1 to 99%

[kess4667]

Oscarsmom...I already have started anger management counseling. I would love for her to join me but I am not going to push her. I have cut contact and only text when she texts first. I went by the apartment today when she wasn't there to take out the trash and grab a few more belongings. It killed me to be inside that place with everything that has transpired. d0nnivain...I have thought about taking her flowers but I don't want to be too pushy. Last time we text...about 36 hours ago...she stated right now she just needs her space. I told her I understood and haven't contacted her since. legion113...we will have been together 2 years as of tomorrow. This is by far the worst fight we have been in. The disrespect when she drinks really worries me. On one hand she can be very loving when she drinks but on the other hand she acts like this. I didn't have 6 shots that night...she did. I took one for her and had quite a few beers. When we were first a couple we drank more and had a few bad fights, so we cut back our drinking big time. We rarely go out for a drink or two or have a couple drinks at home when the kids are with their dad and all is well. It's these big events/parties that get out of control, which is why we talked about limiting our drinking prior to attending the party. I dunno. It eats my heart alive to say it, , I love her and her boys to death but if she's not willing to go to counseling with me it isn't worth the heartache and risk.

[legion113]

kess, as long as you've got your drinking under control, I wish you luck. Yeah, do the counseling thing, if she's willing to do that you have a chance. That's all it takes in a relationship no matter how bad, people willing to make an effort.

[kess4667]

Thank you legion. As I have said I am respecting her and giving her the space she needs. I would like to contact her in a week or so to see if she would be willing to attend counseling with me. Should I contact her or wait and see if she has the desire and contacts me first?

[hermitinator]

Hey everyone,

 

My wife and I have been married four months and together two years. This past Saturday we went to her work christmas party and got into a massive fight that caused her to take her kids and leave Monday with her father. We both have very strong minds and bad stubbornness, and it only gets worse when we drink. We both can say the meanest things when we are angry and we do just to upset the other one, even though everything we say we do not mean. We have made great strides in our two years but we hit the lowest of lows after this christmas party this past saturday.

 

I had asked her to slow down her drinking at the party and she agreed but wasn't too happy about it. Several guys at her work kept buying her shots and she kept taking them. This really upset me but I didn't get upset with her. I wanted her to have fun and enjoy her first company christmas party that she helped set up. Throughout the night I kept asking her to dance with me but she refused because of stories my best friend told her about how horrible my dancing was 15 years ago. This hurt a little but again, I let it go and kept enjoying the party. After six shots and a few drinks I look and see her on the dancefloor with another guy who she has told me all about cheating on his wife with another girl that works there. I was in shock and very upset. My wife is very beautiful and I'm not the jealous type but this really hurt me and angered me that she wouldn't dance with her husband but would dance with this guy, without asking me first nonetheless. I felt it was a huge disrespect to our marriage.

 

When we left I called her out in the car telling her how disrespected I felt and how obnoxious she was acting overall yelling and being wild. I know I should have waited until she sobered up the next day but I was drinking too because I was so upset. That was a mistake on my part. We are driving home while yelling at each other and we were close to her ex-husband's house and I said I should just drop you off here. Mistake on my part. She said I'd like to f*** him right now. This sent me over the edge and I countered how my ex was better looking and better than her. Mistake on my part. She started punching me in the face while I was driving and without even thinking i reacted by slapping her. HUGE mistake on my part and I never meant to do it. Never in my life have I done something like this and I told her I was sorry for doing so. She kept going crazy so I pulled over on the on ramp of the highway and we got into it even more and she took off her seatbelt and tried getting out. I pulled her back in and said are you crazy? I said please put your seatbelt back on and she refused. With my clouded emotional state I started driving and hit the brakes to scare her into putting her seat belt back on but it backfired and she hit her shoulder on the steering wheel and hurt it. I felt horrible and we went home and we laid down but I couldn't stop crying knowing how far I had let this go and that it resulted in my princess, my best friend to get hurt.

 

For the next day I did everything I could to take care of her and show her how sorry I was. I told her I was going to seek professional anger management counseling right after christmas. She said she forgave me and that she wouldn't give up on us. She went to work Monday while I did last minute christmas shopping for her parents and coworkers, while watching her boys. Then in the afternoon her dad shows up with her and asks me what happened. I told him everything and broke down. I have great respect for him and I told him I was sorry for what I had done and for letting him down. They all left and now I am alone on christmas. We talked a little but she is still very angry, and rightfully so. She said she doesn't know if we will get back together or how long it will take if we do. She will leave it in gods hands.

 

I love this woman more than anything in the world and I know she feels the same for me. What I did was wrong and I am the first to admit my faults and I have already taken steps to start addressing them. What should I do about mending things with her? I am trying to give her space so she can calm down but I'm not sure how long. My best friend says I should message her daily telling her how sorry I am and how much I love her, but I think it may be a bit much. I have been in our apartment since she left Monday but I am leaving tomorrow so the boys can have their home back. I have cleaned the place really good and I am thinking of leaving flowers for her. Then mailing her a letter in a few days. How can I get her to think of our amazing times and block out this one incident? We are the happiest most loving couple in the universe 99% of the time, but that 1% when we argue it has the potential to get really bad. As I mentioned before we have made great strides since we first got together. I just don't want her to give up on us so easily. She said she is scared when I get really angry and I totally understand why. I have never been like this with anyone else. I think it's the combination of my strong love for her and her being just as stubborn as me. I tend to get butt hurt with her compared to other girls I have dated in the past. I also worry about her actions being overlooked. What I did was way worse than what she did, which is why I haven't said anything about her actions since this happened. Should I wait to talk to her about it in a calm setting if we work things out?

 

Thank you for reading my situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

 

There are a few things that are wrong with this picture. You acknowledge that you two both have "drinking problems" (you acknowledge this by pointing out that both of you have bad tempers when you drink). She "agrees" to not drink as much, but is not happy about it. So she gets hammered anyway. She doesn't want to dance with her *husband* (because she is drunk, I want to assume). On the contrary, the fact that she doesn't want to dance with you because someone told her something 15 ****ing years ago, makes me think this has been on her mind for quite some time. Also, why is it important if you are even a bad dancer? I would like to think your marriage is not skin-deep. This also already makes me think these issues have occurred more than once since you have admitted that you have bad tempers when you drink, which means it has happened before.Knowing this, you still reacted as if this was the first time this has happened (knowing you are drinking just as much, are stubborn, and have a bad temper when you drink too).

 

 

While it was a bad choice of yours to slap her, *but* she did start punching your face *while* you were *driving*. This in itself is a problem and should be talked about while sober. Although, it makes me judge your ethics in why you would drive after drinking just as much or equal to your wife's number of shots?

 

 

Often what people say is that alcohol brings out the unconscious (all the issues that the other person and you harbor). It's a good idea to step away from her and truly acknowledge all these mistakes ("this was my mistake", but the fact that you still did it is the issue and is a self-reflection on you as well as on her).

 

 

The important thing is that she needs to acknowledge that she participated in this hot mess as well. Her daddy can't save her.

 

 

You two need counseling. As in, discuss the things that occurred. You can't just say "sorry" and expect that this will not happen again. It will. This hasn't to do with your anger management issues, because she is to blame as well (who the hell hits someone while they are driving??? ****). You need to step away from the marriage and self-reflect if these things have occurred in the past and why, and how you can fix or approach them. You two are *both* going to have to realize that you have drinking problems (the fact that you can't control yourselves with a few drinks) - why did she drink so much, why didn't she dance with you? She might in fact be unhappy in the marriage and it would be a good idea to discuss all of this now rather than later.

 

 

She is to blame as much as you are. If she doesn't want to discuss all of this, she might have already walked away unconsciously. The fact that her dad stepped in, might have been an easy way out from confronting her own issues during that one night.

Edited December 28, 2013 by hermitinator

[hermitinator]

Oscarsmom...I already have started anger management counseling. I would love for her to join me but I am not going to push her. I have cut contact and only text when she texts first. I went by the apartment today when she wasn't there to take out the trash and grab a few more belongings. It killed me to be inside that place with everything that has transpired. d0nnivain...I have thought about taking her flowers but I don't want to be too pushy. Last time we text...about 36 hours ago...she stated right now she just needs her space. I told her I understood and haven't contacted her since. legion113...we will have been together 2 years as of tomorrow. This is by far the worst fight we have been in. The disrespect when she drinks really worries me. On one hand she can be very loving when she drinks but on the other hand she acts like this. I didn't have 6 shots that night...she did. I took one for her and had quite a few beers. When we were first a couple we drank more and had a few bad fights, so we cut back our drinking big time. We rarely go out for a drink or two or have a couple drinks at home when the kids are with their dad and all is well. It's these big events/parties that get out of control, which is why we talked about limiting our drinking prior to attending the party. I dunno. It eats my heart alive to say it, , I love her and her boys to death but if she's not willing to go to counseling with me it isn't worth the heartache and risk.

 

 

 

She is putting all the blame on you.

 

 

You are the one that is willing to confront the bad qualities of the relationship and fix yourself for it. She is not.

 

 

A relationship / marriage cannot be fixed if one person is doing all the work.

[tired girl]

You have to focus on your side of the problem and she needs to focus on hers. If she is unwilling to do this, you don't have a lot to work with. You can't get her to the table on this, she has to see for herself that she played a pretty big role in things going south. Her boundaries are crap and she needs to fix that.

[kess4667]

I want to thank everyone for your responses. Y'all have helped me look at the big picture. I was putting all the blame on myself at first but now I can see where we eached messed up. I am focusing on myself right now and I told her I hope she does the same whether we get back together or not. She is still holding in a lot of anger because her shoulder hurts and she is surrounded by negativity from people who don't know us.she always said she hated when these people would comment when we would argue because they don't know us. I collected pretty much all my stuff from the apt today. It was so difficult. We haven't seen each other or talked on the phone since Dec 23rd. I messed up the past two days and told her how much I love her and reminded her of all of our amazing times together. I told her I will give her the space she needs but we have everything it takes to be an amazing couple if we are both willing to get professional counseling to help up learn to control our feelings and emotions and to communicate without taking things personal. This just sucks because I truly love this woman. I'll keep everyone updated. Thank you all again!

[pteromom]

We both can say the meanest things when we are angry and we do just to upset the other one, even though everything we say we do not mean.

 

I had asked her to slow down her drinking at the party and she agreed but wasn't too happy about it.

 

...angered me that she wouldn't dance with her husband but would dance with this guy, without asking me first nonetheless. I felt it was a huge disrespect to our marriage.

 

When we left I called her out in the car telling her how disrespected I felt and how obnoxious she was acting overall yelling and being wild.

 

We are driving home while yelling at each other and we were close to her ex-husband's house and I said I should just drop you off here.

 

This sent me over the edge and I countered how my ex was better looking and better than her.

 

i reacted by slapping her.

 

I pulled her back in and said are you crazy? I said please put your seatbelt back on and she refused. With my clouded emotional state I started driving and hit the brakes to scare her into putting her seat belt back on but it backfired and she hit her shoulder on the steering wheel and hurt it.

 

I've taken out everything she did, and have left everything you did. Not because she didn't do wrong, but because you only control YOUR part of things.

 

knowing how far I had let this go and that it resulted in my princess, my best friend to get hurt.

 

Then look at this quote from you. Compare it to the things you did above. Does this sound like the way you'd treat a princess/best friend?

 

What should I do about mending things with her?

 

She needs to really understand that you know you have done her wrong, and that you are committed to fixing yourself.

 

You have to require more of yourself than this. And it goes beyond the slapping and steering wheel incident. It's about the whole way you guys interact. It's a contest - who can hurt each other more? Who can come out on top? Who can cut the deepest?

 

That is NOT how a best friend acts. If she is truly your best friend, you have to trust her to care for herself. This means letting her be the adult she is when it comes to drinking and dancing. She makes her own decisions.

 

Of course, you have the right to share your thoughts and feelings about her choices, but without communicating them in a way where you are telling her what to do.

 

Every interaction you have in a relationship either lifts it up or tears it down. You need to make a pact with yourself that you will no longer say things with the intent to tear down. That if she pushes your buttons or tries to hurt you, that you will not retaliate and get into a battle, but will walk away until she calms down. Or just grab her and hug her and tell her you love her. Anything but turning it into a war.

 

She needs to know that you've committed this to yourself and that you want to change the entire way you interact with each other. That you want to be a team and work on any issues together as a united front. You and her against the world, not each other.

 

Then she has to see action on your part. Anger management and counseling - yes! Reading books on relationships - yes. Sharing any revelations or epiphanies you have with her (about YOUR behavior, not hers.) - yes.

 

She said she is scared when I get really angry and I totally understand why.

 

Yeah, I understand too!!! And she has to know that you really GET THAT, and are committed to changing it.

 

I also worry about her actions being overlooked. What I did was way worse than what she did, which is why I haven't said anything about her actions since this happened. Should I wait to talk to her about it in a calm setting if we work things out?

 

Nope. You have no control over her actions. As you focus on your own behavior and share with her what you are learning, if she is a smart person, she will choose to follow you on her own.

 

And yes, she has a lot of work to do on herself too. But that's not YOUR responsibility. It's not your responsibility to point it out, and it's not your responsibility to fix it. It's up to her.

 

Wanting to make sure her actions aren't overlooked keeps you in that competing place. Where you want to make sure she doesn't "win". You simply HAVE to let go of that mindset if you are to help this relationship grow to the next level. It's not a competition. You are a team, a partnership. What hurts her, hurts you. What heals you, heals her. You have to start working on thinking this way.

 

Now if you make a bunch of changes to yourself, and she chooses not to grow with you, you'll have to decide whether it is worth moving forward in a volatile relationship, but you aren't there yet.

 

For now - focus on fixing yourself.

 

Thank you for reading my situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

You do seem like you are accepting responsibility well for your part of things, and like you really do want to change. That's half the battle, and I believe you can grow.

[kess4667]

Pteromom....you make some very good points. We are both very competitive and bring it into our marriage. I have accepted full responsibility for my actions and I am focused on fixing myself. She is still holding in anger and doesn't seem interested in fixing ourselves and building a stronger marriage. She was mentioning yesterday that she wants a divorce without even trying. I think that is what kills me. We share so much love together and as I told her if we both are willing to focus on our own issues while we stay separated and take things slowly I have no doubt that we will both be thankful we did. But she is surrounded by negativity right now and is letting other people make decisions for her. We have something too special to give up and not fight for, but in the end it takes two.

[pteromom]

Pteromom....you make some very good points. We are both very competitive and bring it into our marriage. I have accepted full responsibility for my actions and I am focused on fixing myself. She is still holding in anger and doesn't seem interested in fixing ourselves and building a stronger marriage. She was mentioning yesterday that she wants a divorce without even trying. I think that is what kills me. We share so much love together and as I told her if we both are willing to focus on our own issues while we stay separated and take things slowly I have no doubt that we will both be thankful we did. But she is surrounded by negativity right now and is letting other people make decisions for her. We have something too special to give up and not fight for, but in the end it takes two.

 

It's possible, given the dynamic in your relationship, that saying she wants a divorce is yet another way for her to "win". Just don't play the game.

 

Even divorce isn't necessarily the end. I know couples who have divorced and gotten remarried.

 

So don't argue back against her. Focus on yourself. Communicate with her what your intent is. Tell her that you are going to counseling and anger management, that she is welcome to join you if she wants to, and that your intent is to prove to her that you really want to change your part in the negative patterns of your relationship.

 

She'll argue, scoff, cut you down, whatever. Just be zen. Focus on your intentions.

 

Then let the outcome go, because again, you have no say in what she decides to do for herself.

 

Whether or not you get back together, the work you are doing for yourself will benefit you.

[kess4667]

I have been going with everything she has said just to avoid any more term oil. I took myself off the lease because she had asked if I would. I didn't think this could be another way for her to win the battle but that definitely makes sense. I told her earlier today that I would be continuing counseling until I knew I could manage my feelings and anger, as well as communicate better without getting upset. I then told her I would like if she could join me one day down the road. She never responded. As you suggested, I am just going to focus on bettering myself. I hope she wakes up one day and remembers what we have and is willing to work towards repairing it.