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It is that hard to commit?????


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I'm in a two years Relashionship witha men , we had our ups and downs like everyone,he is living in USA and me in Germany , I feel lately so lonely and depressed ,because of the Distance and I have my doubts if really gonna to work between us , he left me hanging I don't know where I am standing,it a kind of a Relashionship going nowhere, I don't feel now that I'm in a Relashionship ,it s hard for me to say I love u ,I'm thinking now to breack up with him, but same time afraid to repent it ,because we are really a Soulmate ,his problem is that he is too scared to marry me ,but I don't want to wait for ever because I will be soon 34 years old. And I'm anxious that I'm waisting time with him. Any ideas or tipps will be very thankfuhl .

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A long-distance relationship (LDR) makes it very difficult indeed. Another dimension of complication really. It's hard to get to know someone from a LDR if there is no or little effort to meet regularly.

 

He left you hanging....too scared to marry you....you know as well as I do that these things do not bode well for a LTR. Not to mention that you've had your ups and downs like everyone? Not everyone has the same ups and downs. Was there a lot of fighting? Letting each other down?

 

Have you spoken to him about the relationship? You MUST do this before making a decision to move on.

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A long-distance relationship (LDR) makes it very difficult indeed. Another dimension of complication really. It's hard to get to know someone from a LDR if there is no or little effort to meet regularly.

 

He left you hanging....too scared to marry you....you know as well as I do that these things do not bode well for a LTR. Not to mention that you've had your ups and downs like everyone? Not everyone has the same ups and downs. Was there a lot of fighting? Letting each other down?

 

Have you spoken to him about the relationship? You MUST do this before making a decision to move on.

 

He meant when he left when I will finish my Formation, I can come over and live with him and he can imagine to marry then after three years but now he feels forced by me Plus he were two times divorced and that s scared him, He needs alot confirmatiins,has Low selfsteem , and sometimes depressed, I m confused, Nope not fighting just arguments differents views and also because of his ex second wife,

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He meant when he left when I will finish my Formation, I can come over and live with him and he can imagine to marry then after three years but now he feels forced by me Plus he were two times divorced and that s scared him, He needs alot confirmatiins,has Low selfsteem , and sometimes depressed, I m confused, Nope not fighting just arguments differents views and also because of his ex second wife,

 

Man, you're involved with someone with some major baggage. 2x divorced...no way I would be involved with someone 2x or more divorced. At least, there would be some serious questions about his LTR potential.

 

He imagines marrying you aftering you go over there AND AN ADDITIONAL THREE years? Wait 3 MORE years?! It sounds like you two are at different places in your lives. Not compatible. I can understand his hesitation after two divorces, but why did he divorce 2x?

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No man is afraid to commit. They either want to or they don't. They either think they hav found " the one" or they don't.

 

When a man thinks he has found the one he want to marry, he will not let hell or high water stop him. He will ignore the advance of his friends. Turn his back to his mother. Defy his father and cash out every penny to his name if he is love and believes he has found the woman of his dreams.

 

"Afraid to commit," is a line boys use to keep someone hanging on while they play around.

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IIRC, he flat out told you he was not interested in getting married a third time. You also stated that you feared he would not remain faithful while he is in the states.

 

If you don't feel you are currently in a relationship, it's because you aren't. Not a trusting one that has a common goal anyway. I thought you had let this guy go two months ago? He has two marriages behind him and a child. You can do better! Thirty four is young.

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No man is afraid to commit. They either want to or they don't. They either think they hav found " the one" or they don't.

 

When a man thinks he has found the one he want to marry, he will not let hell or high water stop him. He will ignore the advance of his friends. Turn his back to his mother. Defy his father and cash out every penny to his name if he is love and believes he has found the woman of his dreams.

 

"Afraid to commit," is a line boys use to keep someone hanging on while they play around.

 

I know what you meant, he went a horrible Divorce ,last one, he suffered a lot , his ex second wife cheated on him and left him , he has a kid with her , she punished him a lot when she didn't let him talking to his son, he were in Germany when we met , we are now two years toghetter , I'm studying I couldnt go with him to USA ,so i have to wait next year and then we will be 2014 three years toghetter

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A long-distance relationship (LDR) makes it very difficult indeed. Another dimension of complication really. It's hard to get to know someone from a LDR if there is no or little effort to meet regularly.

 

He left you hanging....too scared to marry you....you know as well as I do that these things do not bode well for a LTR. Not to mention that you've had your ups and downs like everyone? Not everyone has the same ups and downs. Was there a lot of fighting? Letting each other down?

 

Have you spoken to him about the relationship? You MUST do this before making a decision to move on.

 

.

 

I know what you meant, he went a horrible Divorce ,last one, he suffered a lot , his ex second wife cheated on him and left him , he has a kid with her , she punished him a lot when she didn't let him talking to his son, he were in Germany when we met , we are now two years toghetter , I'm studying I couldnt go with him to USA ,so i have to wait next year and then we will be 2014 three years toghetter, First Marriage he were forced b y her father to marry her,the second were after one week they knew each other...

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devilish innocent

It sounds like your boyfriend has some decent reasons for wanting to wait for marriage. The question is are you only feeling that the relationship is dying because he's not ready to marry you just yet, or is there something else going on?

 

My husband and I were in a long distance relationship for several years before we were married. We each had known people who'd gotten engaged when they shouldn't have and felt there were good reasons for us to wait. But waiting to living together, get engaged, and get married was never an issue because our relationship always felt strong.

 

If having to wait another year to be with your boyfriend is the only issue, then I would suggest you try to be patient with him. But if you really feel that the relationship is weak, then that's a different issue. Even if he were to get on a plane and marry you tomorrow, that wouldn't solve the problem if there's a disconnect between the two of you. All I can suggest is that you pay attention to his words and his actions. That should tell you what is really happening and what you need to do.

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I think long-distance relationships are doomed until there is serious intent, planning, and actions towards moving together. That provides hope towards the future. If that's not happening, then the relationship is not "going anywhere" and few women have any patience for that (which is what seems to be happening with you).

 

My advice...Get serious about plans to move or get out of the relationship.

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Do NOT waste any more time girl. These years you are living now will never come back and he doesn't give you a security with what your future will be. I understand you are scared of going out there in the real world and meeting a new guy, but it's a shame to let these nice years of your life passing by with misery and uncertainty. Do the big step and leave him. Go out of the house, meet new people, go to trips, get a hobby, read a book, celebrate with family and say to yourself "I can do this, one day I'll meet a great guy and be happy and secure that this is the one". If he was your soulmate as you said he would respect the fact that you are 34 years old and you don't have much time to lose and he would give you more certainty for the future. Keep him as a distant friend if you want but from now on consider yourself single and live your life.

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I think long-distance relationships are doomed until there is serious intent, planning, and actions towards moving together. That provides hope towards the future. If that's not happening, then the relationship is not "going anywhere" and few women have any patience for that (which is what seems to be happening with you).

 

My advice...Get serious about plans to move or get out of the relationship.

 

He has already plans for us , when I will finished my nursing formation I can come over and living togetther , the Fact is he is insuecure , indecisive , he change fast his Mind, he told me his last Divorce breack him twice , so he is scares to go through the same experience, what bother me a lot , the Fact I waited nine Months when he were deployed , I think it s enough to show that I care a lot for him, I always stand by his side and took care of his house when he weren t in Germany , I don't know , ny feelings telling he wants to check out the girls over there or maybe try again with his ex wife , because if he really love me , he would get engaged here in Germany before living to USA , in confused now , sorry , part of me want just to give up....

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Do NOT waste any more time girl. These years you are living now will never come back and he doesn't give you a security with what your future will be. I understand you are scared of going out there in the real world and meeting a new guy, but it's a shame to let these nice years of your life passing by with misery and uncertainty. Do the big step and leave him. Go out of the house, meet new people, go to trips, get a hobby, read a book, celebrate with family and say to yourself "I can do this, one day I'll meet a great guy and be happy and secure that this is the one". If he was your soulmate as you said he would respect the fact that you are 34 years old and you don't have much time to lose and he would give you more certainty for the future. Keep him as a distant friend if you want but from now on consider yourself single and live your life.

 

He has already plans for us , when I will finished my nursing formation I can come over and living togetther , the Fact is he is insuecure , indecisive , he change fast his Mind, he told me his last Divorce breack him twice , so he is scares to go through the same experience, what bother me a lot , the Fact I waited nine Months when he were deployed , I think it s enough to show that I care a lot for him, I always stand by his side and took care of his house when he weren t in Germany , I don't know , ny feelings telling he wants to check out the girls over there or maybe try again with his ex wife , because if he really love me , he would get engaged here in Germany before living to USA , in confused now , sorry , part of me want just to give up....

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No man is afraid to commit. They either want to or they don't. They either think they hav found " the one" or they don't.

 

When a man thinks he has found the one he want to marry, he will not let hell or high water stop him. He will ignore the advance of his friends. Turn his back to his mother. Defy his father and cash out every penny to his name if he is love and believes he has found the woman of his dreams.

 

"Afraid to commit," is a line boys use to keep someone hanging on while they play around.

 

I can't agree because he do wants but not right now , it s scared him to go again through the same drama , because he is not confident and insecure person plus he has Depression ,so it s really a hard nut to deal with.....

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