Kkristine Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 My boyfriend and I live together. I feel like I've always had to force "I love you's" and "our kids will be named.." etc. He's very open about his feelings and intentions; he wants that life with me and says it. When we're together, it isn't terrible. I enjoy being with him, he's like a best friend. When it comes to love though, I'm confused. I try to tell myself that it'll take time, but it's been over a year. He had a past relationship where he was with a girl for 3 years that he never loved, she was more of a best friend to him. I feel I'm this person, and I feel terrible about it. I do enjoy being intimate with him, so sometimes I conclude that maybe I'm just very comfortable with him & do love him, just am brainwashed by all the chick flicks I've seen of what love is supposed to look like. I'm very young & he's the only experience I've ever had, so that could be the issue as well. I'm just very confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 If you feel you're having to force it... you probably are. People show their love in different ways, yes, but for it to be good and healthy and longterm it definitely needs to feel and be mutual. Did he tell you he didn't love his ex? Have you mentioned the potential comparison to him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 If you were going to fall head over heels, you would have fallen a very long time ago. It really is no fun to break up with somebody, is it? However, by staying with this man, you are sacrificing the chance to ever have that chemistry. I'm not an expert in love, and maybe it's not necessary for happiness. My guess is it's a big thing to sacrifice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Yes, you should know if you are in love after a year. Love feels different for different people. It's not always the hearts & flowers constant lust of the early days. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 How old are you? This is the problem the OPs never come back and answer questions so LS can help. Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 You can't talk yourself into loving someone AT ANY AGE. If you don't love him and he loves you it's better to break up asap. It certainly doesn't get easier the longer you wait. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 I try to tell myself that it'll take time, but it's been over a year. He had a past relationship where he was with a girl for 3 years that he never loved, she was more of a best friend to him. I feel I'm this person, If you feel you are this person, then you are :-( A year is plenty of time to if someone is "the one" or not. You have given it a fair at and sincere good faith effort. No-one can say that you are making a rash and uninformed decision. Each day that you stay out of comfort and being afraid of hurting him and fear of the unknown, you are doing both yourself and him more harm and are robbing both of you the chance for a fulfilling relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 if you have to ask...the answer is no Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 if you have to ask...the answer is no Agree. When someone is the right one, you know and you don't question it. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Agree. When someone is the right one, you know and you don't question it. In this context, this answer isn't wrong for me. But as a whole, I think we shouldn't be frightened to question. I think it's a healthy process, all too often people feel they 'know' when the truth is far from it. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 , all too often people feel they 'know' when the truth is far from it.[/QUOtE] when people are unsure and asking the question and are trying to use logical argument and Pro's and Con's lists, the answer is usually 'no'. Whether people are actually right or not when they "know" someone the one or not is a whole other subject. People marry the wrong ones every day but they thought they were doing the right thing at the time. They "knew." They just knew wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 when people are unsure and asking the question and are trying to use logical argument and Pro's and Con's lists, the answer is usually 'no'. Whether people are actually right or not when they "know" someone the one or not is a whole other subject. People marry the wrong ones every day but they thought they were doing the right thing at the time. They "knew." They just knew wrong. I don't disagree, but you said 'they know and don't question it' and I'm suggesting they should Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Should you know you're in love with someone after a year of dating? I'm very young & he's the only experience I've ever had, so that could be the issue as well. I'm just very confused... Another variable, not mentioned in your post, relates to the example offered to you by whatever environment you grew up in. IF you had two parents in the house, AND, perhaps, seldom if ever saw them showing any affection toward one another, that could very easily resurface in your adult dating life. And don't even get me started on how many households didn't even have two parents, and also featured a single parent who spent so much time trying to make ends meet that he/she never had/took the time to know romance. So I don't find it alarming at all that you don't "know" that you're in love with someone after a year of dating. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 I'd say so. You should have developed some sort of feelings for the person that are not just platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
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