What should be done in this situation? (Facing problems with a widower)

[Anastasia777]

Okay so... I am 23 and he is 30, my birthday is in June and his is in April. Anyway.. He is my older brother's friend and also like a family friend so we have known each other for a pretty long time. His name is Daniel and he is a very nice and a handsome bloke from Liverpool who came here to study in London and him and my brother went to the University together and they've been best friends ever since. I first met him when I was maybe 13. Afterwards when I became much older we became really good friends and we had this brother and sister kind of relationship. However, he was married but his wife died due to cardiac arrest very shortly after their daughter "Lara" was born. She will be three in upcoming Febuary.

 

His family lives back in Liverpool but he lives here alone, in fact in the same neighborhood area and he has a really great job here. After his wife died I felt sorry and I started helping (you know like how a friend helps) him around with his daughter. But then this began to be kind of regular and so I will visit them often and on weekends. Sometimes, he will bring his daughter and come over to my house. Sometimes we hung around together also including with Lara and I sometimes cooked for them and I also helped him with his grieving over the loss of his wife. But you see, I am very religious (Yes, I am a virgin and believe in sex after marriage) so I don't date around and yeah he is quite religious too. It's not that I am a complete prude and definitely not a nerd either. But I might be a bit geeky and tomboyish so I am not entirely into these kinds of things. And, so our relationship was still platonic and I don't think there were really any kind of sexual tension between us even though we got closer perhaps more so in friendship. And it's been two years like this! I love him a lot and also his lovely daughter! He is such a gentleman always there for you when you need him and poor Lara she is so cute. But I never had the guts to say it to him because it will be too awkward since things just continued as they were and I didn't want to force him into anything yet, he didn't made for any advance either. But you know, he was being quite protective and caring towards me ever since we started hanging around. He once told me this year that he really admires me for not dating and shagging around with others like a lot of people do and it be better if I will keep it that way.

 

However! After those two years, apparently I met this wonderful young man and we started going out from late August. I told everyone about it including Danny but then he started being cold and distant towards me. Up till now I haven't met him for straight three months because I was busy with studying and my job as well (finishing Masters in the following months next year) and mostly I thought it wasn't right to be with Dan and his daughter that much while I am in a relationship with someone else. Recently I called him, at first he was being normal then I asked if we can go out somewhere and catch up after not seeing each other for sometime. Suddenly he just bluntly said it out that I should stay away from him and his daughter and that's all. Now, he won't receive any of my calls.

 

He also tried and started dating this year too, but I didn't do anything about it! Although he dated this one woman for a bit then quit because he wasn't interested.

 

But moreover what should I do now!? Should I talk about this with my brother, family and friends too? I hate to be too mushy and cheesy but to tell the truth I feel that I love Danny way more and I didn't mean to hurt him and maybe I can break up with my boyfriend but the problem is- I don't know how he truly feels for me... I also care a lot about his daughter. I wonder if she misses me... But do you think he really loves me? How do I approach him when he is already upset? What should I say? Or do you think this is the end and I should leave him alone and move on and just cut him out of my life but the problem is; he is still my brother's friend. But... I didn't like his behaviour that day and I am also angry at him for treating me like this after everything I've done.

 

I think, it might be better if something is done before Christmas and New Year... Because it will seem really bad if I can't at least greet Lara. Last year I even helped with Christmas shopping while I was doing my own but this year it didn't happen because we couldn't meet for the reasons mentioned above. He usually spends Christmas and New Year with his family last year he didn't but this year he will and will be gone before the eve.

 

Now please do tell, what, when and how everything should be done!?

 

 

P.S. I am sorry if I were a bother for writing so much. I just talk too much and I love to write as well. Umm.. Never mind.

Edited December 16, 2013 by Anastasia777

[Grumpybutfun]

Anastasia:

You need to go to his house and talk to him. Tell him that you noticed he was angry and you want to know why because it is weighing heavy on your mind. Let him answer you, and try to not blurt anything out until you are sure of what he means by this behavior. Maybe he is jealous or maybe his new girlfriend doesn't want him hanging out with a single female anymore. You really don't know yet, so ask and then act on that information.

Best,

Grumps