Marriage with different Religions? Can it work?

[happyday]

As Christmas is approaching, it just hit me that my boyfriend is atheist and although I don't identify with a religion or go to church, I believe in God and am quite spiritual. I began to think how do an Atheist and a really spiritual person coexist? How do you approach such a thing with children, Christmas, things of that nature? I would want to let them know that God is someone you can always share your feelings with (if they choose to believe in God), and I would want to share with them my beliefs so they know there is always that option out there...I could talk to to him about this, yes, but it is much too early in our relationship to approach such a topic, but with realizing this could be a problem in the future, I feel like I need to analyze it before I entirely invest myself into this relationship. What do you guys think?

[Fluttershy]

As Christmas is approaching, it just hit me that my boyfriend is atheist and although I don't identify with a religion or go to church, I believe in God and am quite spiritual. I began to think how do an Atheist and a really spiritual person coexist? How do you approach such a thing with children, Christmas, things of that nature? I would want to let them know that God is someone you can always share your feelings with (if they choose to believe in God), and I would want to share with them my beliefs so they know there is always that option out there...I could talk to to him about this, yes, but it is much too early in our relationship to approach such a topic, but with realizing this could be a problem in the future, I feel like I need to analyze it before I entirely invest myself into this relationship. What do you guys think?

 

There is no one answer fits all. It depends on the person's personal beliefs. In your case for instance there are atheists who are against religeon and want to see all those beliefs gone from the world. And then there are atheists who see it as a personal thing and leave others to believe what they want. This is true for the other side too. It really has nothing to do with religeon, science, or god but rather that a lot of people want everyone to believe the same as them. It is human nature.

So... I won't tell you it won't work but rather sit your boyfriend down and have the tough talk now. Find out if he is okay that you believe in God. And ask yourself if it is okay he does not.

[Lauriebell82]

I think you should talk to him about it. Not in

the context of future plans but I think it is fair to ask how he feels about it, how he celebrates Christmas, if he would ever go to church with you, ect. My husband and I are different religions, and although he is Christian and does believe in God he also was okay with getting married in thr Catholic church (I am Catholic), baptizing our son, and going to church as a family. He just doesnt go up for Communion or say any of the prayers.

 

I asked how he felt about these things in early in our relationship, as it would have been a dealbreaker for me to marry a man of another religion whom was not okay with allowing our children to be raised Catholic.

[nescafe1982]

I don't think being of different religions present a problem necessarily. Certainly not! But it does mean being flexible with one another, talking out the big stuff, and tolerating the small stuff.

 

The big stuff that needs talking through: will the wedding be at "your place" or mine? will our children go to a mosque, church, or temple? what will we teach them about morality, ethics, mortality, or sex? Is there enough common ground?

 

The small stuff that might be better to tolerate: whether you come to MY church, whether I go to yours, whether we agree on the divinity of Christ (don't laugh, this surprisingly became an issue in my last relationship), and whether your prophet or mine is "better."

 

YMMV. But all religions tend to communicate similar values and life-lessons. And even the more learned atheists I've met would agree with the social value of these lessons... so it really depends on how flexible you two can be with one another.

[oldyoungsoul]

It depends on how strong you both believe in what you believe. Is he a strong atheist, opposed to any religion or form of spirituality? Is it a big issue for you?

I think it can become a problem especially if you both have strong opposite views.

 

Personally, I as a staunch Christian, wouldn't date someone outside of my faith. I don't see how I could date an atheist seeing that I would want to go to churc e as a family, raise my children in a Christian faith, pray together, read the Bible ,etc. If you both have similar views on children, holidays, religious (or non religious) practices, then I guess the relationship could work peacefully.

[Clockwork]

No I don't think it can. For the post that said they have a Christian/Catholic marriage. That's fine. A bit of tweaking perhaps, but it is the same God. It is the same Jesus. There are some differences between Catholicism and the Protestants but they are remote and much less significant than the major similarities. It is the same religion, just a different denomination.

 

However, if you are a devout Christian, you shouldn't marry a staunch atheist. It says it in the Bible that you should not marry someone who is not equally "yoked" with you. God says this because he knows the problems it will cause. Children for example and how to raise them.

 

If you are a wishy-washy "Catholic" by name, then it isn't a big deal. You probably aren't practicing anyway, you probably aren't going to church either, so a non-believer isn't going to bring you down to their level much because you are already pretty similar. You might get the kids baptized for ceremonial reasons, but that's it.

 

If that's the case, then yeah a marriage can work. But if either one of you are very devout and strict in your beliefs then it can't work. Or else one of you is going to bring the other one to your level. You can't raise the kids Jewish and Muslim, or Muslim and then Christian one week because the kid will be so confused his head will spin. Those religions contradict each other. Either mom or dad are going to hell, they'll think.

 

No, I wouldn't do it.

[Lauriebell82]

No I don't think it can. For the post that said they have a Christian/Catholic marriage. That's fine. A bit of tweaking perhaps, but it is the same God. It is the same Jesus. There are some differences between Catholicism and the Protestants but they are remote and much less significant than the major similarities. It is the same religion, just a different denomination.

 

However, if you are a devout Christian, you shouldn't marry a staunch atheist. It says it in the Bible that you should not marry someone who is not equally "yoked" with you. God says this because he knows the problems it will cause. Children for example and how to raise them.

 

If you are a wishy-washy "Catholic" by name, then it isn't a big deal. You probably aren't practicing anyway, you probably aren't going to church either, so a non-believer isn't going to bring you down to their level much because you are already pretty similar. You might get the kids baptized for ceremonial reasons, but that's it.

 

If that's the case, then yeah a marriage can work. But if either one of you are very devout and strict in your beliefs then it can't work. Or else one of you is going to bring the other one to your level. You can't raise the kids Jewish and Muslim, or Muslim and then Christian one week because the kid will be so confused his head will spin. Those religions contradict each other. Either mom or dad are going to hell, they'll think.

 

No, I wouldn't do it.

 

 

 

You actually don't have to raise your kids any religion if you don't want. My best friend was raised Catholic but does not really practice and she is married to an Atheist. They still celebrate Christmas and all but he just doesn't believe in God. If they ever have kids (they are undecided right now) then they will not have their children have a traditional religion, but instead allow them to believe what they want to believe.

 

 

But I do agree that if one person is very very devout in their Christianity then there may be some compatibility problems. It doesn't sound like this is the case with the OP, however.

[elbe]

My dirty fantasy is banging a secretly sexy muslim woman with a monster rack.

[crederer]

Yah it can work for sure. As long as you are open minded enough to respect eachothers opinions.

 

As far as the kids go, let them make up their own minds without feeding them dogmatic opinions.

 

It's not a "his/her opinions vs mine" kind of thing.

[Clockwork]

You actually don't have to raise your kids any religion if you don't want. My best friend was raised Catholic but does not really practice and she is married to an Atheist. They still celebrate Christmas and all but he just doesn't believe in God. If they ever have kids (they are undecided right now) then they will not have their children have a traditional religion, but instead allow them to believe what they want to believe.

 

 

But I do agree that if one person is very very devout in their Christianity then there may be some compatibility problems. It doesn't sound like this is the case with the OP, however.

 

Exactly. She was "raised" Catholic. Big difference. She isn't practising it now so therefore isn't really a Catholic anymore. For your friend, marrying a non-believer is not a big deal since she is pretty much in the same boat right? None are practising at all, so that can co-exist. If she was a serious Catholic, then yeah, that would create problems for sure even without kids thrown into the mix.

[Sparty97]

I don't think being of different religions present a problem necessarily. Certainly not! But it does mean being flexible with one another, talking out the big stuff, and tolerating the small stuff.

 

The big stuff that needs talking through: will the wedding be at "your place" or mine? will our children go to a mosque, church, or temple? what will we teach them about morality, ethics, mortality, or sex? Is there enough common ground?

 

The small stuff that might be better to tolerate: whether you come to MY church, whether I go to yours, whether we agree on the divinity of Christ (don't laugh, this surprisingly became an issue in my last relationship), and whether your prophet or mine is "better."

 

YMMV. But all religions tend to communicate similar values and life-lessons. And even the more learned atheists I've met would agree with the social value of these lessons... so it really depends on how flexible you two can be with one another.

 

"And even the more learned atheists I've met would agree with the social value of these lessons"

 

As an Atheist I wonder if I should feel a bit insulted by the insinuation within the quoted line.

[hopeless21]

My husband and I are of two different religions. I'm non-denominational. I don't go to church but I am spiritual and believe in God. My husband is Jehova's Witness. He was raised in his religion. I was ok with marrying him because my standard was that I didn't care what religion you are, as long as you believe in God. He believes very seriously in God but as a Jehova's witness he doesn't celebrate any holiday. Before we got married we discussed how we both wanted to raise kids and our tolerances for how to peaceably live together. For instance, he doesn't mind if I decorate the house for christmas and he doesn't mind I throw our future kids a birthday party. We decided that we would be honest with our kids about our different beliefs and encourage them to find a religion that works best for them as they grow older. Although our marriage is kind of rocky right now, it has nothing to do with religion or spiritual values. His parents are the same as us (1 non denominational and 1 Jehova's witness) and they have been happily married 28 years. I think it mostly just takes understanding, communication, and tolerance.

[todreaminblue]

i dont know how it would work......it concerns me........as i will not change for anyone and i dont expect someone to change beliefs for me.......i feel it would be a problem...i will face this soon in any relationship i have i feel.....it would be so much easier to have a relationship with similar faith and beliefs...deb

[nescafe1982]

"And even the more learned atheists I've met would agree with the social value of these lessons"

 

As an Atheist I wonder if I should feel a bit insulted by the insinuation within the quoted line.

 

Of course not. To each their faith, or lack of faith.

 

What I mean (and perhaps what I could have made clearer) is that I find thoughtful Atheists are less likely to be evangelical about their non-belief. Meaning, less likely to persistently push their beliefs on others. I notice the same trend (non-pushiness and respect for mutual tolerance) among learned, thoughtful Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc. But tolerance depends on one's ability to see the values in other people's values, atheism included.

 

It's the need to press one's views on others that I take issue with. Not only is it thoughtless, it makes human relating difficult... especially romantic relating.

Edited December 16, 2013 by nescafe1982