Falling out of love with my wife

[Dark_history]

I realize this post is HUGE, so I have a TLDR at the very end for those that want a quick summary

 

Oh boy, I'm not even sure how to begin this thread. I guess I will start with some history. We have been married for over four years now and have a son together that is about to turn three. The two of us are of the same age of 29. I have known my wife since high school, but we did not start dating until we were in college. Currently my wife works full time while I go to school finishing my degree and work on a part time basis from home. It's very convenient as it allows me to watch our son when I am not in school.

 

Now our dating and marriage history has been, well to put it blunty a real ****ing mess at times. I believe we started dating at the age of 19, maybe 20, not sure exactly. That lasted for only 3 months and she ended up breaking up with me. Come two years later we reconnected again and started dating again. At that point, we kept going off and on with each other, her breaking up with me, we get back together, me breaking up with her, etc.... I honestly lost count how many times this happened. And back than, we were breaking up over really stupid things, heh they were so trivial when I think back on them. Finally at some point we both became more stable and I popped the question and she said yes

 

During our phase of having breaking up and getting back together, both of our parents started to disapprove of us, they each felt we should be seeing other people rather than getting hurt again. To say the least, when we were engaged, they were disappointed but they kept it to themselves. I wasn't aware of it at the time. But I think I'm getting ahead of myself. During the wedding planning there was a lot of stress and fights. Money was getting really tight as we had to pay for our own wedding, we were both working extra shifts (I was working full time at this point, since we didn't have our son yet) and it basically felt like walking on egg shells during the time. My wife, heh, when she gets mad, she gets really mad, to the point where she will throw things sometimes. And me, while I can restrain myself very well physically, I know how to cut someone down emotionally with my words and truly make them hurt. But what can I say, we loved each other deeply and would make ammends with one another after the fights.

 

So come wedding day, we are full of joy and love, have our honeymoon and are now husband and wife. I had moved in with my wife in her place once we were engaged as she own her own small place at the time. Well turns out the place was getting a infestation of mice and rats and the HOA was not doing anything about it. Their excuse was that it was impossible to fully control as the homes were located in a wilderness area where the mice and rats would always be, so it was impossible for them to contain the whole thing and it was up to the homeowners. Well at this point the housing market was crap and wifey was upside-down on her loan because of it, so we had to do a short-sale on the home and move to another location 6 months after having gotten married.

 

Oh I almost forgot one very important part that happened between the time we got married and having to move. At that time I was offered a job by my in-laws, it was commissioned based and I would work from their home. The way they presented the job it sounded like I would be making about the same if not more as my current job, with less work and they were in need of someone to help with the paperwork. So against all logic I took the job and what a huge mistake that was.

 

Firstly the amount of work was greatly exaggerated, FIL (who's business it was) first had a lot of work for me, but than started cutting back on a lot of it due to the amount he was paying out, to the point where I was making about 1/4 of what I was making in my old job. Secondly came the issue of the MIL. She would always be at the house as she was out of work and was a huge distraction. Always had the TV on in the same area that I was working in, constantly trying to talk to me or make jokes. Basically she was bored and felt she had to have someone to talk to, and since I was the only one there (husband out doing work and their daughter at school) I was the subject of her conversations. So not only was I getting paid a lot less than before, I also had someone constantly annoying me while I was trying to work. It got to the point that I was just in a sour mood whenever I would go over and just do my work. My wife noticed and started asking what was wrong and why I was acting that way when we were leaving in our car. I told her about my frustration with the pay, how I felt I was deceived and than how her mother. And when I uttered the words "honestly, your mother can be annoying" that's when it all hell broke loose.

 

Yelling at me and demanding that I take her back to her parents house. I drop her off and she tells her parents everything I said to her. Her mother flips out and is telling her she needs to get an annulment now because of this (remember our parents were not even very fond of us getting married in the first place). Wifey decides that an annulment isn't the right course, we discuss what happened and of course now I am out of a job. On my side I am fuming about the annulment comment over being called annoying but I don't show it to my wife. It gets to the point to where I "apologize" for what happened, which I only did for my wife's sake to help keep the peace.

 

This is a good point to mention how well I can play on someone's emotions. On the outside I can come completely sincere while having a burning rage of hatred for them on the inside. I'm very calculative in my way of thinking and know what can pull and trigger someone's emotion. So when I go to apologize, I come with the look of guilt and as I say my apologies I have tears come down my eyes, making the MIL to go into tears and tell me she forgives me for everything. All while in the back of my mind I am thinking "you stupid b****". Believe me, I know how awful that sounds, but it is how I am and I accept that.

 

Fast forward to our new place, free of mice and all is well between my wife and I. She becomes pregnant with our son and we have our beautiful baby boy. And now comes the drama from my parents. Shortly after our son is born, my parent have a talk with me asking if my wife didn't like them for some reason. I told them no and asked them why they would think that (again, they didn't like her already with us getting married, but I didn't know that) and they responded they felt she was very distant with them and seemed like they almost didn't see her (which was true). I explained to them that wasn't the case and that things were just very busy with the new baby and work. They acted like they understood and that was it for now. I told my wife about it and she get very angry, start going off all the things she's done and times we've been over, and I'm like "wtf, why is this happening" in my head. Than fast forward to the day before xmas, my dad calls me, drunk, wishing me happy holidays and says that even though my wife hates them, it's okay because they still love me. Now I get pissed off at this and tell my wife and she really flips out. They have a confrontation the next day, or rather it's mostly my wife yelling and giving them a piece of her mind of how hurt she is.

 

I stand by my wife on this and tell my parents that until they can apologize for what happened, we can not have any contact as if everything is okay. They stand against it at first but than finally give in and apologize, but my wife doesn't really buy it but accepts it. So now it is the next years and my company downsizes, causing me to be demoted and having a lower pay. At this time my wife's parents were watching our son when we worked, and the idea came up that we move in with them, as they had a very large home with empty rooms, and both families would be saving on house payments, plus our son would always have someone to watch him. Without a doubt the biggest mistake ever

 

We move in and at this point I am sick of my job due to the pay cuts and amount of work, I decide to take the chance of starting my own business, tutoring kids from high school and college. I get a really good amount of clients and have a separate company offer me a job to help take on their students as well. But than I get a huge roadblock I didn't expect. All of the suddent, the MIL (the one that wanted the annulment) says she doesn't want to have to babysit as much and wants to get paid doing it. So now I have to tell all my new clients that I can no long take them, crippling my business. I make the suggestion of having my parents babysit, but my wife won't have it, she doesn't trust them and thinks that they would go as far as take our son back to their birth country. This started a huge string of arguements between us over the next several months, getting progressively worst to the point where she would mock me sounding like an idiot, and sitting there at the sidelines was the MIL and SIL laughing when the mocking occurred.

 

The stress and humiliation started becoming too much for me and I started seeing a psychiatrist at my university. I informed my wife about it and she would just say "well they only know your side, and you need to be sure to be telling them all the problems you have", it was just too much. The last arguement happened on december, I had a client that wanted me to tutor them the week of christmas, but not xmas day. I accepted as I was struggling to get any money. My wife didn't like the idea and thought I should be off for the holiday week. We got into a huge fight over it and she ended up throwing a bowl of fruit with juice in my face. That's when I snapped, inside. I went to the bathroom to wash my face, came out and apologized. Kissed her goodbye (she was going to work that night) and carried on the rest of the night as if everything was well. I couldn't take it anymore, I packed all my things over the night and left leaving my wife a note telling her I was done in so many words.

 

MIL finds the note the next morning in the envelop, opens it and reads it. Now furious as she was mentioned several times in it. Wife is now devastated that I left, thinking I would never have the balls to do it, and now has the whole family telling her she needs to divorce. At the same time I am with friends and my parents, tell them what happened and unsure what to do. Come New Years Eve and my wife and I get in contact, we have a very long discussion and decide to try to do MC. I was out of the state when we got in touch, was with family for the New Year. MIL finds out next morning, completely flips out and says she won't watch her grandson and now wife can't go to work and could lose her job. She tells me what happens and I get a rental car making a 6 hour drive to get my son and help her keep her job, with my parents in disbelieve (they were with the family).

 

Wife moves out of parents house but now has major friction with them, we move to a new place and things are much better than before. My parents forgive and forget, some relation is good with them. I apologize for everything to in-laws, after having several session with MC and being convence it is for the better and things smooth out with them also, as the MIL is tired of being mad and just wanted to get pass it. Everything is great for the next several months, but than an issue happens where both families want to do something July 4th. I try to find a way to split things up, doesn't work, my parents feel cheated, and now they won't watch our son (god was that getting old). We have a discussion, with my parent and my wife and basically every hurtful thing being said comes out from both sides. Parents think she is using me and that I am being brainwashed.

 

I grow tired of trying to make peace between my parents and wife, and my wife wants nothing to do with them, but says she will not stop me from seeing them or taking our son over there. My parents try to get me to forgive and forget (how convenient for them) but I tell them I had enough, they disrespected my wife for too long now and I wanted nothing to do with them. That was over a year ago from now.

 

So now it's my wife and I with our son and her family, and things have been going extremely well. There is no more drama, very little fighting, I am just 2 semesters away from finishing my degree and things between my wife and I are good. But now, all of the sudden for the past few weeks, I have been having something stir inside of me. It is very hard to explain but the best way is that it feels like I am having out of love with my wife. I'm having episodes of great doubt and feeling trapped, like this marriage is a huge mistake now and it is coming out of nowhere.

 

I mean things are good now with us finally, after everything we went through and stood with one another, now I am having the feeling of regret???? And the thing that is driving me crazy, I don't even know why I'm having them!!! It is like... I just don't know....I am having these urges to just up and leave, but yet I don't have any reason at all to do so. Despite all the craziness and anger my wife can have and has had, she has been extremely supportive, especially now, helping me get through my school, allowing me time to do my own thing to relieve some stress and just taking care of me like a loving wife. And in turn I have shown my appreciation however I can. I mean, things are so good right now and I want to leave???? WHY???!?!?!

 

I just don't know and it is driving me nuts. All I know for sure is that I am feeling less love towards her each day and it is getting to the point where I start to just tune her out when she is talking and could care less what she is saying. And right now, I am playing the double face again, acting like the loving, happy husband on the outside, while having turmoil, confusion and a sense of not caring in the inside.

 

So here I am, you know a part of my story and I am looking to try to find out why this is happening. Please fire away with any questions and comments you may have, I have left out a lot of what has happened (believe it or not ) so feel free to pick my brain with anything you might have.

 

TLDR: Falling out of love with my wife, have had a bunch of drama in the past but now things are great and have been for one year. Yet for some reason now, I want to leave and I don't know why, please help! Ask any questions for more info

[Mr. Lucky]

Wow. I'm sure you and your wife are fine people on your own, but how many red flags do you need to understand that it will be a tough go together?

 

Let's see...

 

First time together - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Reconnect and back together - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Courtship and engagement - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Wedding planning - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Newlyweds - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Pregnancy - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

New family - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

 

Do you see a pattern here? And the real tragedy is that, for a normally functioning couple, these are some of the happiest years of your life!!

 

Your reference to marriage counseling is brief. Since you sound like the poster child for that program, that surprises me. You also reference everything from your point of view - how you felt, were affected and how hurt you were. Marriage is a team sport so your POV seems decidedly one sided.

 

Lots to take in. I'm sure others will have better insight into your situation. I can't imagine living it, I was worn out from reading about it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Dark_history]

Wow. I'm sure you and your wife are fine people on your own, but how many red flags do you need to understand that it will be a tough go together?

 

Let's see...

 

First time together - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Reconnect and back together - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Courtship and engagement - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Wedding planning - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Newlyweds - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

Pregnancy - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

New family - stressful, ultimatums, drama, threats and/or breakup

 

Do you see a pattern here? And the real tragedy is that, for a normally functioning couple, these are some of the happiest years of your life!!

 

Your reference to marriage counseling is brief. Since you sound like the poster child for that program, that surprises me. You also reference everything from your point of view - how you felt, were affected and how hurt you were. Marriage is a team sport so your POV seems decidedly one sided.

 

Lots to take in. I'm sure others will have better insight into your situation. I can't imagine living it, I was worn out from reading about it...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Haha believe me, I am well aware of how many red flags there were . However marriage to us both is a very strong commitment and we do not take it lightly, I just have never felt this way before until now.

 

yes my reference to MC was brief, as I felt at that point I had to start summing things up more, I mean look how huge my post is >_>. I will go into more detail about it now:

 

Initially we did join sessions, several of them, discussing why there was so much stress, what bothered us the most and what we wanted out of the marriage. We learned a lot from one another and grew much closer and able to communicate better with one another. Once things were getting better for us, we started doing individual sessions, with me having more due to the issues with her family and me. The MC was definitely a huge turning point for us and was well worth it.

 

As far as being my POV, yes that is true, but more so because I am the one writing it. I know my wife has gone through a lot of pain and joy, just like I have through all of this. At this point of our lives, I know my wife is happy and content in the direction we are going. We have our own place, our family, I am about to finish my studies and will be starting my career, which will basically triple our income once I do and looking forward to buying a home where we can settle. I can't fully speak for everything on her, well because I am not her, I only know what she has told me and how I see her, but I can say at this point of time she is genuinely happy with where we are, and I was too until recently.

[oldshirt]

So now it's my wife and I with our son and her family, and things have been going extremely well. There is no more drama, very little fighting, I am just 2 semesters away from finishing my degree and things between my wife and I are good.

 

 

 

Fighting,stress,drama, break ups, threats, throwing things etc etc are all exciting and stimulating. It may be bad and may be dysfunctional and pathetic, but it is exciting and stimulating and passionate.

 

Going to work, studying for tests, going to school, changing diapers, fixing meals, doing the dishes etc etc are just kind of the mundane tasks of daily life.

 

You've been living on a hormone high of adrenaline and passion for years and now that things are starting to settle down and slip into a routine of daily life, your jonesing. You're getting bored. your getting withdrawls from all the fight-or-flight hormones and are needing a fix.

 

Much a normal married life is not drama and passion and excitement. Much of it is just watching the gauges and doing routine maintenance and refilling the washer fluid and changing the oil every 5,000 miles.

 

In many couples lives the biggest change and the biggest argument of the week are when the store was out of Honey Nut Cheerios so someone brought home regular Cheerios instead and their partner really wanted the Honey Nut.

 

In many ways this is a good thing that is happening here. Your challenge is going to be finding a way to find joy and happiness and connection in the face of routine instead of in the face of upheaval, insecurity, instability and passion.

[Quiet Storm]

I think you and your wife have not done a good job of protecting your marriage. I don't think you can trust her to keep your feelings confidential. Her loyalty should be with you. She can tell you that it's not cool to call her mom annoying, but telling her mom you said that? I think this kind of thing really broke down the trust between you two.

 

I see a lot of "triangulation" going on in your family relationships. Someone plays the role of victim, the persecutor, the rescuer and this sets up a very unhealthy dynamic that is hard to change. You have people going behind each others back to "tattle" on the people they are supposed to love. It's very manipulative. Keep in mind that your child will grow up thinking all of this is normal & repeat these dynamics if you don't change them.

 

I think oldshirts response is important, as well. You are so used to drama, that just "being" feels wrong. You are not used to having peace, so it feels uncomfortable. Drama, even though it causes stress, makes you feel alive. The absence of it can make life feel boring. You should find positive & healthy ways to get your fix for excitement.

 

It is easy to create more drama when you have nothing constructive to funnel that energy into. It's like puppies, if they don't get enough exercise, they will tear up your house when you leave. Or kids...being bored causes them to act up in order to get attention. You have to get puppies & kids tired out with positive play, in order to avoid their negative response. Adults are similar in that you need some kind of mental stimulation. Men often meet their needs for excitement & conquering using sports, video games, motorcycles, competitive games, etc.

 

So don't give up on your marriage... your baby needs you two together. These problems can be worked through, but it will take conscious effort to keep from falling back into those old patterns. You guys need to implement strong boundaries with both sets of parents. Your parents should not be involved in your arguments- that triangulation dynamic creates a sneaky atmosphere that is not good for anyone.

 

Marriage counseling helps, but if you can't afford it, there are tons of resources online. Doing some reading on family dynamics and family of origin issues may give you some insight into why your relationship was so dramatic to begin with, and why you both were drawn to the drama. Your talent for faking emotions (your apology to MIL) came from somewhere, and you may want to explore that. Read up on appropriate boundaries with inlaws and make sure your wife knows that by "telling on you", she is damaging the intimacy between you. You don't always have to agree with each other, but you still need to be able to share your feelings freely without worrying the whole family's going to know about it.

 

I am pulling for your little family!

[Dark_history]

Fighting,stress,drama, break ups, threats, throwing things etc etc are all exciting and stimulating. It may be bad and may be dysfunctional and pathetic, but it is exciting and stimulating and passionate.

 

Going to work, studying for tests, going to school, changing diapers, fixing meals, doing the dishes etc etc are just kind of the mundane tasks of daily life.

 

You've been living on a hormone high of adrenaline and passion for years and now that things are starting to settle down and slip into a routine of daily life, your jonesing. You're getting bored. your getting withdrawls from all the fight-or-flight hormones and are needing a fix.

 

Much a normal married life is not drama and passion and excitement. Much of it is just watching the gauges and doing routine maintenance and refilling the washer fluid and changing the oil every 5,000 miles.

 

In many couples lives the biggest change and the biggest argument of the week are when the store was out of Honey Nut Cheerios so someone brought home regular Cheerios instead and their partner really wanted the Honey Nut.

 

In many ways this is a good thing that is happening here. Your challenge is going to be finding a way to find joy and happiness and connection in the face of routine instead of in the face of upheaval, insecurity, instability and passion.

 

Thank you for the response. The thought had crossed my mind about having a lack of drama, but honestly there was never anything exciting about it, it was always such a huge strain on us. We are not stress free, our little boy gives us a ton of that, he is an extremely active child and always getting into things he shouldn't .

 

I get what you are saying though, the dynamics have changed from before. As far as school, I was actually already going to school during all of this happening, I am fortunate enough to be able to learn material so quickly and not have any testing anxiety that I have been able to keep up with my classes, having a 3.6 gpa.

 

Now as far as having my adrenaline feed, as it stands I already go to martial arts courses 3 to 4 times a week, doing anything from jui jitsu, boxing, muay thai while getting to go against other people. My wife is really good to me on this, as she wants me to have my "guy time" as she calls it. I can't imagine doing it more than that, it would really take away my time from her and our son.

 

And honestly it isn't that I feel bored, per say, it's like I feel..... I just don't know how to put it, like some part of me is regretting and I don't know what it is I am regretting. I know it is not with my parents, even if my and wife did separate, it would not change anything between them and me. Maybe everything from the past is now fully hitting me now and I am feeling why did I even stay after everything, but yet my wife and I now laugh at everything that happened and it never comes up as a negative, I just don't know. For all I know, I could trying to look at something logically that isn't to examine as such.

[Dark_history]

I love what oldshirt had to say. Marriage is tough, no matter what stage you're in. Arguments, disagreements, fights, struggles - whatever you want to call them - are going to happen. But the passion is obviously still there for both of you.

 

I'd encourage you both to continue counseling, even when you think things might be getting better. Sometimes when things seem better, that's when people stop trying, and things could quickly go sour again. I'm a firm believer in marriage, and working hard to press on and get in a healthy place. Not perfect, but healthy. If you get in your mind that your marriage is worth the fight, then you might not feel the urge to leave. I think you will have more regrets if you leave just because you're "not feeling it" any longer.

 

What attracted you to her in the first place? What things did you do when you were first dating? Go back to that place. Start dating again. You pointed out that you just don't care any longer....well, you care enough to come here and talk about it. That says something.....

 

Best of luck to you!

 

Yes the thought of returning to counseling had crossed my mind, but I don't even know how I would bring this up to my wife. As it stands I am already having epsiodes where I just want to pack up and leave and I don't have any kind of reasoning as to why. I can't see one without her knowing, we always know where either of us is because of how much we both have to adjust for our son, making sure he is being watched and taken care of, our #1 priority.

 

It's like, I could say "hey baby I need to see the MC" she would go "why, what's wrong" I go " errr I don't know but for some reason I feel like I am ready to leave and I don't know why"

 

"what do you mean you are ready to leave?!?!?!" And there goes the start of an arguement. While my wife is really great at a lot of things, when it comes to expressing concerns, doubt, or anything on an emotional level, she's not the best person on this. Her mind will start to race, thinking of all the negative associations and reaching rapid assumptions, half the time turning it about herself rather than looking at the issue at hand and how it is affecting me.

 

And that very thing could be why I am feeling this regret, I'm not sure though. As far as what attracted me at first about her, she was a cheerleader and I thought she was hot . Our first dates actually were at this little diner by the beach that was open 24 hours a day. We would go at like 3 am because I would work till 2am back then. Now with our son and having to wake up early, it is almost impossible to do

[Dark_history]

I think you and your wife have not done a good job of protecting your marriage. I don't think you can trust her to keep your feelings confidential. Her loyalty should be with you. She can tell you that it's not cool to call her mom annoying, but telling her mom you said that? I think this kind of thing really broke down the trust between you two.

 

I see a lot of "triangulation" going on in your family relationships. Someone plays the role of victim, the persecutor, the rescuer and this sets up a very unhealthy dynamic that is hard to change. You have people going behind each others back to "tattle" on the people they are supposed to love. It's very manipulative. Keep in mind that your child will grow up thinking all of this is normal & repeat these dynamics if you don't change them.

 

I think oldshirts response is important, as well. You are so used to drama, that just "being" feels wrong. You are not used to having peace, so it feels uncomfortable. Drama, even though it causes stress, makes you feel alive. The absence of it can make life feel boring. You should find positive & healthy ways to get your fix for excitement.

 

It is easy to create more drama when you have nothing constructive to funnel that energy into. It's like puppies, if they don't get enough exercise, they will tear up your house when you leave. Or kids...being bored causes them to act up in order to get attention. You have to get puppies & kids tired out with positive play, in order to avoid their negative response. Adults are similar in that you need some kind of mental stimulation. Men often meet their needs for excitement & conquering using sports, video games, motorcycles, competitive games, etc.

 

So don't give up on your marriage... your baby needs you two together. These problems can be worked through, but it will take conscious effort to keep from falling back into those old patterns. You guys need to implement strong boundaries with both sets of parents. Your parents should not be involved in your arguments- that triangulation dynamic creates a sneaky atmosphere that is not good for anyone.

 

Marriage counseling helps, but if you can't afford it, there are tons of resources online. Doing some reading on family dynamics and family of origin issues may give you some insight into why your relationship was so dramatic to begin with, and why you both were drawn to the drama. Your talent for faking emotions (your apology to MIL) came from somewhere, and you may want to explore that. Read up on appropriate boundaries with inlaws and make sure your wife knows that by "telling on you", she is damaging the intimacy between you. You don't always have to agree with each other, but you still need to be able to share your feelings freely without worrying the whole family's going to know about it.

 

I am pulling for your little family!

 

Yes I completely agree on the whole trust issue and that is what happened when she told her mom. I felt like the trust had gone out the window and honestly felt that if it would somehow come down to her mom and me, she would pick her. This was already addressed both in MC and also when my wife had a long talk with her grandmother. She learned by telling her mother all the negative things about me, she was painting a picture of an awful marriage to her. Her grandmother had told her next time to keep such things within our family, as it only damages the marriage by spreading it out.

 

My wife made a full 180 on this, and now knows to keep such things between us, that our issues should be resolved by us. As far as both of our parents, those boundaries have already been placed also, my parents are out of the picture completely, and the MIL doesn't mettle in our affairs anymore, mostly due to just not knowing about them.

 

I agree about what you said on the enviroment our son would be in, and we made a real effort in not to argue in front of him. It has gotten a lot better from before and now the biggest thing he worries about is not getting to go to disneyland as much as he wants to

 

The emotional act thing... yea.... I just don't know where it comes from. I have had thoughts on it a lot, neither of my parents were anything close to that, in fact I am the complete opposite of them. After so long of trying to figure it out, I just grew to accept that it was who I am and dwelling on it wasn't going to change it.

 

The excitment thing I already posted about, I think doing what I am doing now is a really healthly way of handling it. It gets my blood pumping and helps get me in shape and yes, I want to make this marriage work, especially for our son, but I just can't shake this feeling or even understand what it is. It is like I just don't want to be apart of it, I want to just run off into the unknown and I don't even know why :\

[Mr. Lucky]

Currently my wife works full time while I go to school finishing my degree and work on a part time basis from home. It's very convenient as it allows me to watch our son when I am not in school.

Could you be feeling some angst and pressure over finishing your degree and starting to work in your field?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Dark_history]

Could you be feeling some angst and pressure over finishing your degree and starting to work in your field?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Quite the opposite actually, I am excited to be done with school in two semesters and to finally be able to work again. I love spending so much time with my son with the current arrangement, but I also miss being able to work, I am a workaholic in a sense haha

[Mr. Lucky]

I want to make this marriage work, especially for our son, but I just can't shake this feeling or even understand what it is. It is like I just don't want to be apart of it, I want to just run off into the unknown and I don't even know why :\

How does this "feeling" manifest itself? Sleeplessness? Anger? Sadness?

 

And do you think your wife has a sense of how you feel?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Dark_history]

How does this "feeling" manifest itself? Sleeplessness? Anger? Sadness?

 

And do you think your wife has a sense of how you feel?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It's more like fear and great doubt, but I think that is more because of I just don't get why it is happening. The times that these urges come up is when I am alone (son asleep and wife at work) or when I am around my wife. I start to just not care anymore when around her like I use to, it is so bizarre to me.

 

My wife doesn't have a sense at all of what is happening. I am really good at masking my feelings and putting on the "content husband" mask. In her eyes everything is going well in our family.