Broncos38 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 We are both 33, 45 minutes apart. It's taking longer than it should and we're on a waiting list. That's taken its toll on my car. My fiancee is getting stressed out by current living situation. And my fiancee's mother is against us living together because of temptation. And my fiancee's mother is caressing her face from behind her back. Like my fiancee's mother is treating her like a kid. Got two older brothers that do occasional chores around the house. But my fiancees mother expects her to get done with majority of the chores all in one day. Which is really hard for my fiancee. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. But her dad isn't against us living together. And my parents aren't. Is because of my fiancee's mother is getting in the way of our wedding plans to save money. It's we're spending too much on gas and food because we have no where else to go besides my parents house twice a week. We have no privacy one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Isn't your fiancee and adult woman? It is her job to stick up to her mother and make her own decisions. If she can't do that you're going to have similar issues even when you're married. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 This situation is temporary, right? When is the wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 The reason is- She has a maid. Why is a 33 year old woman still living with her parents anyway? That should be a huge red flag for you. G 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 The reason is- She has a maid. Why is a 33 year old woman still living with her parents anyway? That should be a huge red flag for you. G Well she has epilepsy Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Set a date & do what you want. My mother was against my living with my fiance before the wedding. He moved in anyway. If you can't afford the wedding you want, have the wedding you can afford. A license & civil ceremony are probably less than $100. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Are cultural/religious beliefs a factor here, besides the lady having life-long epilepsy and her mother treating her similar to the way she did when the lady was a child? You asked 'why' in the thread title so I thought it valid to explore. Obviously, you and the lady are adults and can do whatever you wish, regardless of how her parents or yours feel about it. That you asked the question tells me there's more to the story. What is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Are cultural/religious beliefs a factor here, besides the lady having life-long epilepsy and her mother treating her similar to the way she did when the lady was a child? You asked 'why' in the thread title so I thought it valid to explore. Obviously, you and the lady are adults and can do whatever you wish, regardless of how her parents or yours feel about it. That you asked the question tells me there's more to the story. What is it? My fiancee's mom is the issue here. But we're so hard to save money. It's like we're spending money on gas and most of the time. It's not like her mom helps out all the time and take as to keep mileage on my car to cover wear my tear on my car like it doesn't matter. The gas card is like a bribery. To make us forget about living together. Just to get her way. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 You do understand that her mother has been this way a long time and will be this way until she dies, right? Are you prepared to accept that, day in and and day out, for as long as you are married? Perhaps now is a good time to work on that. Compared to that reality, gas money and time chewed up on travel is relatively minor. Ask any married person who's dealt with it. If you need 'privacy', get your own place, on your own. Nothing stopping your fiancee from visiting. What are your fiancee's viewpoints on this? Does she want a large wedding that costs a lot of money and for which you and she will foot the entire bill? If not, other? How does she feel about living together? How does she feel about her mother wrt this issue? You said she's stressed. How does she propose to resolve her stress? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 You do understand that her mother has been this way a long time and will be this way until she dies, right? Are you prepared to accept that, day in and and day out, for as long as you are married? Perhaps now is a good time to work on that. Compared to that reality, gas money and time chewed up on travel is relatively minor. Ask any married person who's dealt with it. If you need 'privacy', get your own place, on your own. Nothing stopping your fiancee from visiting. What are your fiancee's viewpoints on this? Does she want a large wedding that costs a lot of money and for which you and she will foot the entire bill? If not, other? How does she feel about living together? How does she feel about her mother wrt this issue? You said she's stressed. How does she propose to resolve her stress? The one way for my fiancee to relieve stress is to be with me to live together. She doesn't expect a expensive wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 OK, another member suggested an inexpensive solution to that. My parents did the same thing, eloped to Yuma, AZ and got married. Cost them the gas and marriage license fee. They were married for life. Wedding cost = zero. Get married and start living together. Problem solved. Mother (in-law) problem will never be solved. The flavor of it will merely change. Wait until your ideas for a wedding don't match up with hers. Have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 OP, does your fiancé have active seizures? Or is she controlled with medicine? Is that her mother's concern? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broncos38 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 OP, does your fiancé have active seizures? Or is she controlled with medicine? Is that her mother's concern? Complex-partial, very well controlled. She had a brain surgery(back in 2009) to get them more under control. She also has a nerve stimulator that keeps her seizures under control(only had 2 seizures this past May because the battery needed to be replaced). A special diet- Modified Atkins Diet-for 2 years, helped control her seizures after the surgery didn't totally control her complex-partial/staring seizures. Also, before having her right frontal lobe taken out, she had her corpus collosum/nerve bridge split in a surgery to slow down her neurons, so that the neurosurgeon could put an internal EEG in her brain. She has had her seizures since she was 8 months old. She is currently also on 4 medications. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I agree with the other post. Elope and your done with it. Then the MIL doesn't have anything to complain about. I have to ask this and I hope you don't take it the wrong way but with the problems she has, are you ready to assume the responsibility for her care? I am in no way making light of her condition but it seems like that maybe that's why her mother is so controlling of her and she might just be worried. After all, it's her daughter and she has every right to be concerned. I hope things work out for you and good luck to you and her. Link to post Share on other sites
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