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Is he a womanizer or what?


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myself_a_girl

Hi all,

 

After I broke up with a guy after 9 years I went back to Europe where I am originally from.

While there I started talking with a guy I met on a dating site. He is from my native county, but he was living in CA while in Europe.

We talked and skyped a lot and I decided to come back to the US and move in with him.

So we are living together for 2 months now and here are some issues and I do not know what to do.

1. He talked to many women from the same website we met. This is fine with me, but he had about 4, 5 women whom he had close "virtual" relationships with. All these women were not in the US, but in Europe and he told them, in the same period of time, that he loved them. He knew a lot of their personal life and even promised them he would move back to Europe to live with them.

I know and understand that he wasn't sure about those women who were living so far away, but I find it strange that he told them all that he loved them. However, I do not know what happened with those relationships, why he broke up, or maybe the women did.

I also know he wants and needs to be in a relationship because he quit his jobs in the past a few times and move to different states to be with these women. He was married 5 times and had a few other longer relationships.

2. He is a smart and cultured guy and can talk about many subjects. However he only has female friends and I noticed a few things:

2a. Everywhere we go, he starts talking and being nice with women. He even asks them for an email or phone number.

2b. He told me numerous times that he likes women who wear dresses and skirts; he does not agree with women who wear pants. When we go out he looks at many women who wear dresses and makes comments about their attire.

2c. He likes women's company (maybe too much) and once he told me he invited himself to a lady's birthday, at some restaurant. He didn't know this lady previously, but he went there with another lady friend who was friends with this lady.

2d. I noticed that he tries to make connections and relationships with women only or mostly. He wet to a movie screening and he met a lady there and he asked her email address. He sent her a few emails asking her to go out for a coffee and gave her his phone number. I don't believe she wants to have a coffee with him.

2e. The day after I arrived to the US we went to party where I didn't know anybody. He started chatting with 2 other women who were sitting next to him and kind of ignored me most of the time. I got upset of course and told him something that he was ignoring me and was talking to other women. Then he started talking to me more and holding my hand. Later, after we left the party we talked again about what happened and he asked me if I was jealous.

2f. He has this lady friend who seems to be close to him and in weekends when we go out, every single time he called her to ask if she wanted to go out with us. Her name is Jane. It seems to me that he wants to have Jane around. He told me once that if I want to go out only with him, to tell him.

To me this is weird; I believe couples should go out alone most of the time.

Something else I noticed: sometime she makes plans to go out and my boyfriend agrees with the plan right away without asking me if I want to do. This happened already 3 times in 2 months since we moved in together.

I asked him about it and his answer was: we didn't decide anything, that's why I didn't ask you if you want to go.

 

So what do you think ?

 

 

Well, it's much more to say, but this story got long.

Thanks.

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ConstantVoyager

The man has been married five times and is incapable of meeting a woman without wanting to get to know her better.

 

That's all you need to know. Run.

 

Actually, the fact that he's been married five times is really all you need to know.

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myself_a_girl

I myself was in a few long term relationships, maybe about 6, but never got married even if I was committed every time.

He told me he wants to me committed (to me), but he seems like he wants to enjoy the company of other women without sex. .. at least for now. :)

Not sure what to think about a man who was married so many times, ConstantVoyager.

Actually my father was married about 5 times and now he's happy with this last wife. Have been married for about 6 years now.

 

Thank you both.

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Hi all,

 

 

While there I started talking with a guy I met on a dating site.

 

 

We talked and skyped a lot and I decided to come back to the US and move in with him.

 

 

That right there tells me all I really need to know.

 

The only issue with this guy is he attracts nutty women. They flock to him. there just happens to be a lot of them out there. He does the things with all these women because he can.

 

 

The real issue here is with you. why are you so desparate that you spend your time and energy online with some weirdo on another continent and then move in with him after a couple months of being pen-pals????? Why did you continue seeing him after you found out he was a quack???

 

Answer those questions and you will be able to straighten your own life out and you won't have to worry about nutty guys.

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myself_a_girl

Oldshirt,

 

I went to Europe to forget about my past relationship and see my mom.

I came back to the US because I was going to anyway. I felt very lonely and a foreigner in my own native country.

I like a few things at this guy: smart, educated, charming.

At home he seems a normal guy. He lets me know when he leaves from work, buys food. He is nice to me overall. Even if I get upset with what he says, he comes and kisses me. Sends me sweet messages every day.

However, I am afraid that his out-of-the-house behavior screams non committed 100%

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Oldshirt,

 

I went to Europe to forget about my past relationship and see my mom.

I came back to the US because I was going to anyway. I felt very lonely and a foreigner in my own native country.

I like a few things at this guy: smart, educated, charming.

At home he seems a normal guy. He lets me know when he leaves from work, buys food. He is nice to me overall. Even if I get upset with what he says, he comes and kisses me. Sends me sweet messages every day.

However, I am afraid that his out-of-the-house behavior screams non committed 100%

 

You can come and live with me then.

 

I'm from America but I'll let you know when I leave the house and I'll pay for the food and living expenses and I'll treat you nice and give you kisses and leave you cards and flowers when I'm gone and I'll txt you sweet messages every day. I'll even add some good back rubs and foot rubs to make up for being American.

 

All I ask is you look the other way when I'm out of the house.

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However, I am afraid that his out-of-the-house behavior screams non committed 100%

 

Since that's one thing you've said here that makes sense, I'll drop the attitude and work with you.

 

past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. He's been married 5 times. That right there says he's unstable, flighty, indecisive and likely a fraud.

 

The fact that he doesn't have any men friends is a big red flag.

 

He seems to crave and require lots of attention and validation from many women. Even if he isn't having sex with all of them, it means that in time you will not be enough attention and validation for him (you already aren't enough now obviously but you know what I mean)

 

OK now I want you to think about this. I am sure that you are cute and nice and sexy and all. But if he has all these women in his life and if he is so cultured and charming and good looking and all -

 

- why was he online with some woman on another continent and asking her to move across the ocean to be with him??????

 

You need to ask yourself why you are such the special snowflake that if he has all these women and all these wives, what makes you so special and what makes you think that you are the only love interest in his life.

 

This man is NOT a womanizer. A womanizer goes up to the bar and picks up women and then sends them packing in the morning. A womanizer hits on women at work and at the gym and at parties and such, bangs them and then moves on to his next conquest. He doesn't marry them or ask them to fly across the ocean to be with him.

 

This guy isn't a player or womanizer. He is a psycho and a wackjob and may be truly dangerous. possibly physically dangerous if he is that desparate for female companionship but definitely emotionally dangerous to your heart if you think that you have a normal, healthy relationship with him.

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LOL OldShirt.

I start believing you are right.

So do you think this guy is up to?

 

Thanks.

 

I think he is a psycho wackjob that is desparate for female attention and validation and has a craving for women to love him and accept him and tell him he is great.

 

He is educated, has social skills, is charming, well dressed and good looking so he catches women's eyes and attention.

 

However a normal, healthy woman would quickly see his desperation and neediness and fraudulent activities and would quickly lose interest and hit the road.

 

But a woman who is herself needy and lonely and lacking in self-esteem and has poor boundaries will be drawn to him like a bug into a flame.

 

A healthy woman would see his neediness and his desperation as neediness and desperation. But a needy and desparate woman will see it as "love" and "passion" and chemistry and connection.

 

As I said in my opening post, the issue here is yourself and your own loneliness, neediness and desperation. Lose that and you will see him for the fraud that he is.

 

Any man that will ask you to move in with him without meeting you and establishing a real relationship in person first is a nutcase. Any woman that would consider it is a nutcase. Nutcases are drawn to other nutcases.

 

Healthy, squared away people are turned off by nutcases. Nutcases are intimidated and insecure around healthy, squared away people.

 

Get healthy and squared away and this will all resolve it'self.

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myself_a_girl

OldShirt,

 

Thanks for enlightening me. I know not many things didn't make sense, but I guess I was trying to find the logic in his behavior, but can't actually.

I do see a lot of red flags though.

He met some women here in the US, but according to him he either didn't like them or they didn't click.

It's true that I am pretty and attractive and I always asked myself: why me?

He told me that the women he talked before were emotionally unstable.

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myself_a_girl
I think he is a psycho wackjob that is desparate for female attention and validation and has a craving for women to love him and accept him and tell him he is great.

 

Healthy, squared away people are turned off by nutcases. Nutcases are intimidated and insecure around healthy, squared away people.

 

Get healthy and squared away and this will all resolve it'self.

 

 

You make a lot of sense.

As I said before, I moved back to the US because I couldn't live in my native country anymore. I talked to this guy on the phone and skype many time, so it wasn't that I made such a nutty decision.

Initially he didn't ask me to move in with him, he said if I want to move back to the US he'd help me find a place. Talking to each other, over time this became a virtual relationship.

I do agree that he used some of the weaknesses to convince me to come back to the US earlier than I was going to.

Edited by myself_a_girl
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myself_a_girl

Now something I forgot to mention: before we moved in with me, he was living with somebody and they were splitting the rest etc. and said that they relationship wasn't working. Then why he didn't stay with that woman?

He could have found sex on the adult sites if he only wanted this.

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