nescafe1982 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Hi all- As some of you know, I've moved in with the BF a little more than a month ago. We are 2.5 years in, coming off of 1 year of long-distance. Anyway, it's only been a month, but I'm noticing a new pattern in our sex life. Frequency hasn't decreased or anything, and we have great sex... but, um, duration has been, well, shorter than before. He's not lasting as long as he used to, and even though he's quite efficient at getting me off, I miss having the marathon sessions we had when I was visiting from cross-country. When it first started, I thought "well, maybe it's just, you know, that he hasn't seen me in a while before I moved in." So I let it go... but now it's been a nightly occurrence for something like a month, so it's certainly a new pattern. I'm guessing I should bring it up with him somehow. I'm guessing at this point, maybe he's just more "comfortable" in the relationship and that's somehow translating into his finishing faster (like maybe he's working less vigilantly on trying to "impress" me?) But would the thing to do be to a) just try to slow things down in the bedroom, ask for what I want in the act, b) talk to him about it, but not when we're in the heat of the moment, or c) something else? I hope this is the right place to post... I wanted to ask those of you in marriages or long-term partnerships in particularly how you handle discussing changes in the sex life over time? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 It could be that not seeing you very often put a lot of pressure on him to make your sessions memorable. Now that you and he are settling into a life together, he feels like he can relax a little. Men are very sensitive about any criticisms about their sexual prowess, so I would be gentle when you bring up this issue with your boyfriend. You can also guide his hands or tell him that you want to enjoy him slowly. Spend more time on foreplay and ask him to tell you when he is close, so that you can take a break from stimulation. It's true. And maybe it's not totally reasonable for me to continue expecting those swinging-from-the chandelier encounters every time, and find some more value in comforting, relaxed sex. I was thinking along the lines you say here, too... like maybe it'd be better to "show" him what I want instead of having a talk about it. The idea of "honey, let's talk about this sex thing" sounds sort of... cringe-worthy, right? Thanks for your input! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 If you want a long marathon session, just tell him how much you want to put aside an hour or two and have a marathon session. Tell him you miss those times you just stayed in bed for hours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I find it normal that sex life will not be forever the same, especially when people live together, grow up and face various external problems like work, financial issues, worries, problems with friends or relatives etc. I find it also normal that the excitement and lust of the first months will be replaced from a more romantic view of the relationship. If despite these facts you want these long marathon sessions it would be better to tell him after sex, showing that you liked this of course and like remembering how it used to be and miss it "oh I remembered now that time we did this and this, how about we try it again this weekend?". That way he will get the message that you miss those times but this doesn't mean you don't get satisfied with the current sex as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 What times are we talking specifically? I consider anything over 15-20 min of intercourse an overkill and a stress to your performing parts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nescafe1982 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) What times are we talking specifically? I consider anything over 15-20 min of intercourse an overkill and a stress to your performing parts. We're talking going from an average of 20-25 minutes of intercourse (I guess, excluding foreplay), to like 4-5 minutes, if that. Last night he lasted around 3 minutes. It was frustrating for me... I was just starting to get into it and he's done. I'm not sure what's causing it. He doesn't say anything about it, and hasn't since it started. I haven't said anything either... yet. Most days I try to be a sport about it and tell myself that he's just tired, etc. But on my not-so-reasonable days, I start to wonder if he's not attracted to me (like he's just going through the motions). Our relationship is great other than this snag. So I'm baffled. Edited November 20, 2013 by nescafe1982 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Try, let's pretend I'm visiting & take our time like we used to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I hear what you're saying OP. All I can say is that you need to talk about it, but do it gently. Guys egos can be blown apart by their partner suggesting they're not holding up their end in the sac (even if they know it's true). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 We're talking going from an average of 20-25 minutes of intercourse (I guess, excluding foreplay), to like 4-5 minutes, if that. Last night he lasted around 3 minutes. It was frustrating for me... I was just starting to get into it and he's done. Can you say, in a seductive voice, "Mmmm, I'm not quite done with you yet. Care to give me a hand?" Let him know in the moment that you are still aroused and wanting more. Sex doesn't have to end when he climaxes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elliotte Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Maybe since living together he's had less opportunity to get himself off, so he is a lot more ready to cum when you two go at it? At least, that's how I would ensure a marathon session when I'd have my then-gf over. At least that's one explanation... However, my advice would be..if you want a marathon session, why not get him hard again after the first time? If the first load comes so quickly, get him hard again with your hand or mouth, and jump back on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nescafe1982 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Maybe since living together he's had less opportunity to get himself off, so he is a lot more ready to cum when you two go at it? At least, that's how I would ensure a marathon session when I'd have my then-gf over. At least that's one explanation... You know, I genuinely hadn't thought of that. As a woman, I guess it's something that just didn't occur to me. Last night I jumped on top, where I could control the pace and progression. He likes to be on top most of the time, but of course, he didn't object. That helped a bit... when he got perilously close I slowed down (or even dismounted). Longer duration than since we moved in together... so it's something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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