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He wants to get engaged soon..but I can't stand him most of the time


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Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We are young, I am almost nineteen and he is almost twenty. We are both finishing up college. He annoys the heck out of me. He acts like he is fourteen and never stops being sexual I hate it. Like it makes me so flipping angry. He's constantly touching me and saying gross things. He can't do anything. He can't cook, clean, change a tire or anything at all. He is useless. He doesn't clean up after himself and always asks stupid questions. I am ready to burst I am so done with it. This morning for example I woke up and went to make breakfast and he kept talking about my ass and how he wanted to have sex. That makes me totally NOT want to. Gross. Like if he was nice and gentle man about it, wasn't so stupid and knew how to do things most men do then yeah. I know this sounds so dumb but I am seriously so just done with him. I can't imagine hurting him though. And he wants to get engaged and I just think it's not gonna work. I want a man that is a man not a boy. He also is very cocky and stuck up and picky and jus plain ignorant. I was raised in a family that had no tolerance for people with a lack of common sense. I seriously just don't know what to do. Anyone have any thoughts?

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So you are afraid of hurting him by breaking up, but you are hurting BOTH of you by staying in the relationship when you really dont want to. Suck it up and break up with him.

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Tarisag, read your post carefully... you didn't have a single nice thing to say about this guy. Tell me, why have you stayed with him this long?

 

If he can't handle the responsibility of learning how to cook, he won't be able to handle the responsibility of marriage. Do what's best for yourself.

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Sounds like you got a real winner there. No doubt women lining up around the block just waiting for you to dump him.

 

It's obvious that you want something more than he's offering and you have that right to be choosy but to hang on with this guy for that long tells me that you would rather be in a crummy relationship than none at all. If your not happy then someone here has to be the adult and I guess that's you so break up with him, move on and find yourself Mister Right. Don't you think you deserve better?

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Tarisag:

Once you marry this guy you can't stand and who has no redeeming values according to you, I have a couple of juvenile delinquent kids who are druggies and thiefs you can adopt and maybe you can get a couple of dogs who should be put down for ripping off someone's arm, or a job in a place where the bosses are sexual harassers and never pay their employees. I mean why stop with one bad decision in life...just tackle them all. :confused:

SMH,

Grumps

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I was raised in a family that had no tolerance for people with a lack of common sense.

Then how did you end up in a 4-year relationship with this guy :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

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ConstantVoyager

Why in the world would you stay in a relationship with a guy you dislike this much?

 

I can only imagine your pillow talk.

 

Dump him.

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You have to step up and be real with him. You have to have the hard conversations about these things and potentially even end the relationship.

 

I agree with your thoughts, now is not the time to even think about marriage and tell him that conversation needs to be shelved.

 

I promise you NONE of these issues will get better if you marry.

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If you despise him that much, break up with him. Give him a chance to be with someone that appreciates who he is, flaws and all. And give yourself a chance to find someone that better meshes with who you want to be with.

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The boy you dated in high school isn't always the man you marry.

 

 

By your negative description of him & the relationship indicates that you may have outgrown the relationship.

 

 

You need to talk to him. If you think he can change some of the things you don't like -- & learning to cook is pretty easy to fix -- perhaps you two can move forward together.

 

 

Marriage is a huge step & weddings can be ghastly expensive. If you aren't 100% certain -- or even 90% certain -- that you want a future with him, do not get engaged & do not get married.

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If you respected your boyfriend and felt attracted to him, you would enjoy his sexual comments and advances.

 

I agree with everything you say except this. I think that she might be more tolerant - but even people you honestly care for can cross that line into inappropriateness. She might like that he cared enough to make advances but she would not necessarily enjoy all of those overt advances.

 

O.P. I think you really need to end the relationship. There are far too many things you said that are negative balanced against 0 positives. If you try changing him your relationship will implode.

 

Find a way out.

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Yup, break up. Don't drag it on. Especially don't say yes if he proposes...that will hurt him even worse in the long run.

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And no, women do not like obnoxious immature sexual advances, even if we like the guy.

 

Am I not a woman? :(

I LOVE it when my boyfriend talks about my ass :x

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Why are you with him??? You obviously can't stand him. He has no redeeming qualities (in your opinion). I had high school boyfriends - - even thought I was in "love" - - but I also had other boyfriends after I turned 18. In most cases, the high school boyfriend/girlfriend isn't the person you end up marrying.

 

Dump him already, so you can both get on with your lives.

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you've spent 3 years and 6 months too long with him. Let's all assume he is a decent guy and will grow up to be a good, contributing member of society and will make some women a good husband and their kids a good dad.

 

He's just not the one for you. You've outgrown this relationship a long long long time ago and you no longer like, honor or respect him and no longer have any attraction or desire for him.

 

He'll be sad and whine and moan in his beer with his buddies for a week or two and then he'll be off doing things that 20 year old guys do. He'll survive it and so will you.

 

Here's the thing though - the longer you put this off the worse it will be for both of you. Your resentment and disrespect are growing by the day. If you dump him while you still have at least an ounce of compassion for him, it will make things go better and both of you will be able to move on better and not carry so much baggage and bitterness and hostility.

 

If things keeps going you are going to crack at some point and either blow a gasket and say and do things that you can't take back or you are going to cheat or you are going to do or say something that truly will break his heart.

 

Guys are kind of clueless and as long as you are still putting out, he thinks everything is OK. but deep down, he knows things aren't right and he knows that you are dissatisfied and frustrated. He just doesn't have the sophistication and experience to know how to address it or deal with it appropriately.

 

He knows the end is coming. A lot of his acting out sexually is probably just him trying to get some kind of validation from you and to show you that he is still attracted to you. It may also be a desparate attempt to see if you still have any feelings or attraction for him.

 

It's time to woman up and grab your ovaries and do the right thing and put both of you out of this misery. This relationship is long dead. It's time to give it a dignified funeral and mourn and then move on.

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