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Ex love - need help !!


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Hi everyone. I can't speak to anyone else about the situation I'm in really.

So here it is. I'm male 41 living a so called "normal life". I'm married since 2000 and have two kids. I've been knowing my wife since 1991 and we're living happilly ever since. I have never cheated on my wife - phyisically. We have a happy marriage.

And here's what came up - I had an affair back in high school for 3 yrs which ended suddenly by my ex love with no explanation at that time. It cost me a lot but I decided to move on with my life and so I did.

All those years I never stopped thinking about her. I've been searching on the internet to find out anything about her, I've been seeing her in my dreams, I've been asking my friends about her but with no success. All this time I have been living a great family life.

Suddenly, one year ago I ran into some info that led me to a communication with my ex. We met and I was shocked when I saw she was even more beautiful than 23 yrs ago. We had a coffee, spoke about what we had done all these yrs and nothing more. She told me she was now married to someone 10 yrs older than her and has two kids. She's not working and takes care of the family needs by her husband's income which is more than enough for all of them. I was happy to see her again and that I had finally learned about her. We had no contact for 5-6 months.

Last January she communicated with me again and from that day on we have been seeing each other once or twice a week (only in the morning). She told me her husband is with her 15 days a month cause he has a second office in another city. She admitted she did love me back then and that she still loves me and that we broke up cause she thought she would be stuck with me. We've been seeing each other since then and we always have a great time, we laugh, we share things. Yet she never allowed me to kiss her or do anything intimate - in public or in private (that last one was recently).

Many times she asked me why I didn't look her up all these yrs like in complaint. We even went out with her kids - even though I had told from day one her we should be careful from every aspect. At first she was more exuberant, innuendos about sex, having kids together and so on but in time she became more let's say "strict". I thought she just needed time.

Recently, after she came back from summer holidays she started not calling me as often as she did and when we were together we were like two good old friends - like buddies hanging out.

My questions are way too many .. She says she loves me, she said she would love to kiss me but is afraid of what next, we do have a great time when we're together, she knows how I feel about her, she dresses and treats her self up just to see me. Yet she seems like she's afraid of I don't know what.

But if she's afraid (I can understand that - I'm afraid too) because she's married or if she has suddenly lost interest in me and her desire or love for me just faded, why does she keep seeing me, why doesn't she just simply tell me "that's it - game over" and lets me wondering what to do in the future?

I know I must end this because it's actually killing me but I don't have the courage to let her out of my life once more. If I just try to put pressure on what we "have" I think I' ll lose her again. I keep suffering, wondering, wanting her more than anything and since love is a two way feeling you know how much it hurts.

I can't speak to anyone about this - you can see why and this is why I'm here. But I really need to hear your thoughts and your advice. Discussing this with my self only is too hard ..

Thank you for your patience - need your thoughts

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So let me get this straight, you are married with kids and you are trying to win over your married ex gf from high school who also has kids? You talk about you"suffering"!!! There is zero concern for your wife, her husband, any of the kids or even her really.

 

Let me make this clear if she wanted to screw you she would have done so. The reason she keeps you at arms length is because she is using you to get attention/inflate her ego/assuage her loneliness. She clearly does not want to risk her marriage which is why she keeps you on ice.

 

Snap out of it. See a therapist stat! If this were "true love" you would have already filed for divorce and so would she.

 

Most likely scenario? Your wife finds out and it kills her love for you which destroys your kids and the OW skips away like this never even happened. You are risking everything for nothing here and you do not even see it.

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Hello Naiseria, firstly from my experience with these forums and knowing what you are asking, you are only likely to encounter abuse on here and it will get you down and make you feel even worse for your situation. Don't read into it at all, these people have no idea who you are.

BUT there is truth in the comments below. It is a really tough situation and someone is going to get hurt.

Many of us have Ex issues, you are not alone. Some of us move on very easily and barely think of exes ever again. Others (like me), live in the past a bit more, and really struggle because we shared so much of ourselves with the person. Most of my exes would have me back in a second, but my last has just got married and it kills me, even tho I don't want him back!

Many would condemn you for what you are doing, but I know, you can't help the way you feel.

You need to ask yourself what it is that you want, and follow through with those consequences. To be with her, you would both need to leave your families, are you both prepared to do this? If you start a new life with her, you don't know that it will be for the best, you may break up within a year, and then would you Ex wife take you back?

If you stay with your wife, you will never know if life would be happier with your ex, but the consequences would be far less severe.

Are you willing to risk it?

How do you hide your liaisons with your ex, surely your wife is getting suspicious? Is she happy in your marriage?

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And sorry but Mcle might be onto something. Attractive women often love the confirmation that they are desirable, and because her husband is away half the month it lets her get away with blue murder. Are you sure she is not seeing a third man??

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you say your in a happy marriage but your obsessed with your ex gf though so i mean???

Look, she isn't interested in you otherwise she would of at least held your hand even given you a kiss. All the "i love yous" from her is just her trying to entertain her boredom from her own husband been gone so much. its so wrong what your doing, your trying to spark something that she obviously is not interested in which in turn is jeopardizing her own marriage. She obviously weighed in the consequences and knows it isn't worth it loosing her stable marriage to an old spark thats not even there anymore. If you care about her let her go and don't ruin her marriage by confusing her with all these old emotions from high school. You don't know her marriage or her husband and how would you feel if your wife was seen an ex and he was trying to kiss her and get "intimate" like you say with her? and on top of it have that guy around YOUR children, doesn't feel good and if you say is not a big deal then you really don't love your wife at all.

 

just seek guidance from a marriage counselor at least on your own and try to figure things out before you make a mistake.

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All the above statements are very valid.

 

But there's one thing you really should consider: what makes a married man, who's also a father, want to pursue an ex?

 

It says that you're really not satisfied with your marriage. Is this the way you want to live? Regardless of if you return to your ex or not, I think you should take a good look at your marriage and see if it's really satisfying you. Because if it's not, sooner or later it will collapse.

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And sorry but Mcle might be onto something. Attractive women often love the confirmation that they are desirable, and because her husband is away half the month it lets her get away with blue murder. Are you sure she is not seeing a third man??

 

Silver may be into something here. From what you write it seems that your ex is a very selfish, immature and entitled person.

 

She left you out of the blue for her own selfish reasons, she doesn't want to work and prefers to live on her husband's money and is having an affair (yes it's an affair - just not a physical one with you - you even had conversations regarding sex between you, that's not just "buddies stuff").

 

I wouldn't be surprised if she's had quite a few "physical affairs" during the last years. She probably hasn't already started one with you because she can sense your deep affection for her.

If she sensed that you only were only interested in "no strings attached" sex, then she would have jumped to bed with you. Everyone knows that married women who don't want to ruin their marriage choose partners who are only interested in their bodies and not their hearts.

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Why don't you tell your wife that you're pursuing your ex? I'd guess the net result would be freedom, unencumbered by the pesky constraints of marriage, to date whom you want...

 

Mr. Lucky

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