BigMann89 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Hi there, you guys seem to offer great advice to others so I thought I'd put my concern out there. I'm a 24 year old man and my fiance' is 27 year old woman. We're very happy together and we spend almost all of our time together. Everything is great except for one thing... She never listens to me, or she interrupts with her own problems when I'm trying to get something out! I generally never open up too much to anyone, so when I do it's a big deal. I'll begin to talk about something, then she just starts talking about her day or what one of her work friends is doing! She knows she does it immediately after she interrupts, but can't help but keep talking about whatever trivial thing she has to say. She then apologises and asks what's wrong or what I wanted to talk about, by which stage I'm not interested in talking. She does this all the time! I've spoken to her about this several times and she admits that she knows she's doing the wrong thing, but something just compels her to talk when I'm trying to communicate! So, what I'm trying to ask is, how can I politely tell the love of my life to shut up and listen to me?! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I'm sure how you can politely do it, but you better do it before you start paying major non-refundable deposits for your wedding. Sit her down & hand her a printed copy of your post? Her behavior will get worse after you are married. If all else fails go for some pre-marital counseling. Some religions (Catholics) require it. You can get it commerically too. Bring it up then to see if the coaches there can help you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Haha get used to it bud, they're all like that!! (kidding ladies....sort of). Link to post Share on other sites
alwayshopful Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 That is not necessarily true...mine is the opposite. I talk or he starts a conversation and then he is off watching tv as if i never even verbalized a thing. Its sad...I feel like i don't matter and so listening to me is not a priority. Not sure I ever will be to be honest. I'm sorry for your situation too...she needs to learn to listen and so does my bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Cococbel Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I can relate. My husband rarely listens to me. Its incredibly frustrating and is not how I feel loved. He loves to talk, usually about people I don't know and he seems to care far more about them than me. It sounds like she is aware of it but is not worried enough to stop it. I would be very clear about how much it matters to you, nip it in the bud now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigMann89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks for your feedback guys, you've all been most helpful. It definitely is an issue in an otherwise great relationship. I plan of having this nice little conversation after a glass of wine tonight, wish me luck! Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Good luck with that conversation. My situation is reversed; my husband talks over me. There are times when I have actually said STFU. He honestly doesn't realize he's doing it, and I think he can be reformed to some extent. Obviously, I knew this before marrying him, and it didn't stop me, so I wish the same for you. Yep, best to get this under control now, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
jenkruger Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 My fiance has told me several times that one of the things we can both improve on is communication. I admit that i talk over him most of the time and belittle his problems, but try talking to her. I realized after a few times that marriage requires mutual respect. She will realize it sooner or later Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Friend of mine had the same problem. His wife would always interrupt him and start rambleing on about her day and all the things that happened to her. One night he finally told het that her manners were in a serious need of a overhaul. When she asked him what he meant, he told her about her annoying habit and then told her that it was getting on his nerves. Naturally she got pissed and he told her stay pissed but don't interrupt me again. Finally he put his finger to her lips, looked her in the eye and said in a loud voice, "I'M SPEAKING DO YOU UNDERSTAND!" She got the message. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 So, what I'm trying to ask is, how can I politely tell the love of my life to shut up and listen to me?! How do you end end with the love of your life being someone who doesn't care to listen to you? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I understand, my husband is a "talker" so I feel like he will change the subject or talk over me discussing my issues so I stopped talking about them. What I did, at a point that things were calm, I brought up that had he noticed I don't talk about my issues and he acknowledged that was true and I said why. we discussed it and he does a better job now. Have you guys thought about therapy? It can give you some great skills to work on effective communication. One thing that you can do is one person talks, and the other person mirrors it back to them. They then ask "was that what you said" the person will say yes and then the other person will give their thoughts, or say no and the first person will clarify. This way it stays about the one party until they are done talking, and it requires active listening by parroting back what the person said. So many times, especially in arguments, we are thinking of our rebuttal that we aren't really listening to what the other person is saying. So maybe try that and see if it helps! Link to post Share on other sites
bwright42tx Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 how can I politely tell the love of my life to shut up and listen to me?! I love that quote . . . Link to post Share on other sites
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