onlynameleft Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Going through a bit of a rough time right now. Mid 40's, peri menopausal, 3 kids (teens and older), 20+ yr marriage to a good guy that treats me well... mostly. We went through some marital problems a couple of years ago when husband kept secrets about his failing business and money problems/secret debt. It caused HUGE problems for us as I felt very betrayed and 'duped' by him and his lies. Since then he has done everything asked of him but I can't let it go. I just don't trust him the same as I did before...obviously! Compared to things I read on here I realize it's small fry but it's causing us problems and i want to fix it. How do I forgive? And move on? And stop bringing it up every time I'm pissed at him? I keep reading that we must forgive...but HOW? I don't 'get' forgiveness maybe?? I'm not religious so PLEASE, no offense meant, don't bring god into it. I'm damaging my marriage with my 'grudge'. I want to stop it! But 'wanting' and 'doing' are very different... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Financial prowess is one of the measuring sticks by which society judges masculinity. I can only guess the stress and pressure your H must have been under and the hit to his sense of self that failure implied. And your continued references, salt to the wound. He wanted to provide for his wife and family and struggled doing so. So yes, would have been better had he communicated with you from square one. But it doesn't seem that his cover up was for selfish reasons, just a misguided sense of protecting you. Look at it this way - how do your actions in this regard help you, him or your marriage? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts