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Dull Husband No intimacy, no help, always complains


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Old 22nd June 2004, 3:07 PM   #1
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Unhappy Dull Husband No intimacy, no help, always complains

My husband and I have been married for about two years. We have a 6 week old son. My husband works full time days while I stay home with the baby. Our sex life has been amazing since we were married- sex 4 to 6 times per week. When I was 6 months pregnant my husband stopped initiating sex (he was the one who usually did initiate it) but once a week, if that. I went through the 4 weeks of no sex after the baby, although my husband asked me to please him in other ways, to which I obliged because I want to keep him happy. I was finally ready for sex two weeks ago and he denied me. I have tried to initiate things at least 6 or seven times and he gets mean with me, telling me that I shouldn't have waited until 10pm to start something (even though I had just gotten the baby to sleep). Or, I'll start to kiss him in bed and he ignores it. I get upset and cry because I think it's my fault being pregnant, having the baby, etc.. We argue about it the next day. My husband gets to feeling bad for rejecting me and then he tries to initiate sex that night. This happens every week. I just want to know why he doesn't want me. He's not as lovey as he used to be outside the bedroom, either. His excuse is that he just doesn't want sex as much. But, I feel like I have to keep to his schedule- even when I'm not in the mood I give him great sex, I never get that kind of selflessness from him.

I've lost all the weight I put on during pregnancy and then 10 pounds. I've tried wearing lingerie, talking dirty, cuddling. I've tried talking about what is wrong. Nothing works! And I try to do everything around the house so he doesn't have to lift a finger when he gets home.

But now I'm starting to feel some animosity towards him. If I ask him to do the smallest thing like taking out the trash he complains. I notice every fault in him and am disgusted in it. I feel more like his mom than his wife. I've started finding other things to do when he's home besides being with him. I just hate being around him because he complains, doesn't have an opinion about anything, and is never intimate. I'm going insane living with him. He went on a business trip for a few days and I am so excited I don't have to be around him. I dread the weekends and the evenings when he comes home from work. Is it my fault? Someone please help me!
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Old 22nd June 2004, 4:23 PM   #2
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Hmmm....well having a child is a major change. It truly signals an end and a beginning in life and it's scary to a lot of people. I'm just stabbing in the dark here so these are just ideas. He may be having a hard time coping with it. Or deciding if it was what he really wanted. Trying to decide how he feels about it all. Staying quiet in order to avoid saying something he may regret later. It's only been six weeks so you might want to relax a bit. Women are often very fertile soon after giving birth so he may be more than a bit nervous about another baby coming along right now. Was this child planned? How old are the two of you? By any chance was he in the room for the birth?

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Old 22nd June 2004, 4:36 PM   #3
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Maybe he is suffering post partm...dep.....

Be aggressive! I find that this helps................

Good luck..........
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Old 22nd June 2004, 4:39 PM   #4
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I'll tell you what's going on, HE'S JEALOUS!!!!! Here this baby comes along and it's taking some of your attention away from him.....that's all!!! All of us men go through with it. He's not angry, and he's probably still attracted to you.....but something else has your attention and he's not used to it. In time he'll come around.

The sex frequency will be slack for a while until he gets into the groove of things. Give him some time. Will he at least sit down and talk to you about it?
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Old 23rd June 2004, 1:08 PM   #5
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Hi, I agree with the above posters. It may very well be he is having a hard time adjusting to the change of the baby and all. Some men/women think after someone gives birth they are no longer considered sexy or sexual and that they are now just a mother. However, in your case sounds like you are doing right much to get things started in the bedroom. I would give it a little more time and see what happens. However, at some point if it continues I would start to check things out and see if there is something else going on as to why he doesn't want to be intimate with you. Not only that, try to notice if his whole attitude has changed other than just him not really wanting sex much. Look at the whole picture and that might give you a little indication as to whats wrong. Best of luck.
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