LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Husband Confesses


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree6Likes
  • 4 Post By TigerCub
  • 1 Post By TigerCub
  • 1 Post By SJC2008
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st August 2013, 10:15 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2
Husband Confesses

I am glad I found this forum to share my story of betrayal. I have been married 27 years and 2 months ago my husband confessed to me that 10 months ago he cheated on me with a prostitute. This transaction took place when he was on a business trip to Manila, Phillipines. He was approached in mid-afternoon asked if he was by himself and wanted afternoon "company", and he said yes. He was going to the Greenbelt Mall which was across the street from the New World Makati Hotel where he was staying when he was approached. Five minute walk back to the hotel, they have sex with protection, according to my husband she did put a condom on him. He covered this up for 10 months. We had a very good sex life, foreplay, cuddling, on a regular basis so why he made this decision baffles me! Prior to his confession he was having night sweats, forgetfulness(we work together in our company business, and I wasn't able to go on the business trip), he lost 25 lbs in the process. I have gone for STD/HIV testing (2x now) results are negative, thank goodness. Husband got tested as well, and he was negative. He now sleeps in the guest bedroom and there is no more sex since his confession. We did 2 months of marriage counselling(I think we went too soon, as I was still in that "fog" state). We spoke to our catholic priest as well. He has asked me to forgive him, he doesn't know why he did this, the only comment he ever really said was "I got caught up in the moment". He knew from day one that adultery was not acceptable in our marriage, but he did it anyway. Our catholic priest said to us is that forgiveness and reconciliation are two entirely separate issues. For sure, you cannot have reconciliation without forgiveness, but forgiveness is only one step on the path to that reconciliation. Do I stay in the marriage or do I leave, right now I don't have the answer. Only time will tell! Thanks for allowing me to tell my story of betrayal.
ladybugg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 11:41 AM   #2
Member
 
DawnR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 46
Very sad story. I am sorry you are going through this. I think that couples can survive it. It seems as if you all had a pretty great marriage prior to this. I also feel like everyone deserves a second chance. It clearly has bothered him, and so in my mind he is suffering as it is. LOSING WEIGHT?

I am not saying what he did was okay, by any means. But I think that we all have faults. I do not believe that old saying... a zebra never loses its stripes... or whatever it is. Once a cheater always a cheater.... ?? I think that is bull.

A person can change. I have witnessed change in people... that is not related to sex at all. We forgive people for worse crimes. Why not sex when it was a one time event. Not that it is EVER okay to let it happen again. HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT!

Although forgiveness is easier said than done.

You can throw away 27 years of happy marriage, for a 20 minute mistake... that according to your post, he regrets greatly.

I wish you much luck. I know it must be painful!
DawnR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 12:02 PM   #3
Established Member
 
TigerCub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,573
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnR View Post
Very sad story. I am sorry you are going through this. I think that couples can survive it. It seems as if you all had a pretty great marriage prior to this. I also feel like everyone deserves a second chance. It clearly has bothered him, and so in my mind he is suffering as it is. LOSING WEIGHT?

I am not saying what he did was okay, by any means. But I think that we all have faults. I do not believe that old saying... a zebra never loses its stripes... or whatever it is. Once a cheater always a cheater.... ?? I think that is bull.

A person can change. I have witnessed change in people... that is not related to sex at all. We forgive people for worse crimes. Why not sex when it was a one time event. Not that it is EVER okay to let it happen again. HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT!

Although forgiveness is easier said than done.

You can throw away 27 years of happy marriage, for a 20 minute mistake... that according to your post, he regrets greatly.

I wish you much luck. I know it must be painful!
I would think the HE threw away that marriage with that 20 minute mistake.

It's not her throwing anything away no matter which path she chooses.

I understand what you're saying, and I agree that 27 years is a long time, but that wording almost sounds like it would be her fault if she can't reconcile with a cheater.
__________________
"These are wasted days without affection
I'm not that foolish anymore
Well you're out of time, I'm letting go... "
~ Older - George Michael
TigerCub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 12:11 PM   #4
Member
 
DawnR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerCub View Post
I would think the HE threw away that marriage with that 20 minute mistake.

It's not her throwing anything away no matter which path she chooses.

I understand what you're saying, and I agree that 27 years is a long time, but that wording almost sounds like it would be her fault if she can't reconcile with a cheater.
no, all I am saying is that the 27 year marriage would be worth trying to work out. not at all am I saying it is her fault. She for sure is not in the wrong. HE IS VERY WRONG. But they do seem to love each other. It is worth working out in my opinion. He did mess up, BIG TIME. But somethings are worth working on, if possible. She may be too hurt to make that possible.
DawnR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 12:13 PM   #5
Established Member
 
TigerCub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,573
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnR View Post
no, all I am saying is that the 27 year marriage would be worth trying to work out. not at all am I saying it is her fault. She for sure is not in the wrong. HE IS VERY WRONG. But they do seem to love each other. It is worth working out in my opinion. He did mess up, BIG TIME. But somethings are worth working on, if possible. She may be too hurt to make that possible.
I get you Dawn, I do

Something about the wording hit a nerve with me "You could throw away..."
that's all.
I just think and I know you agree that HE threw it away.

That's all.


We're on the same side.
DawnR likes this.
TigerCub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 7:43 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
I dont think I could forgive my husband for that. But thats me. I will say that it took courage to confess to you about what he did. He could have kept that to himself and you would have never known. Doesnt excuse what he did though. I think only you can decide if he is worth giving another chance. I dont think I could do it though...
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2013, 7:52 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 876
If it helps, you should probably post on the infidelity forum. Lots of betrayed spouses there to give you advice on how to proceed (they've been there). Chin up.
So happy together is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd August 2013, 2:20 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,207
His being caught in the moment line is lame and doesn't make sense to me. Being caught in the moment, for me anyway is when conversating turns into kissing or when making out turns into sex. It just happens. This didn't just happen. A prostitute asked him if he wanted company and he thought he could get away with it and his guilt ate hime alive so he confessed.
Ursa likes this.
SJC2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd August 2013, 8:30 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Western PA
Posts: 7,357
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJC2008 View Post
His being caught in the moment line is lame and doesn't make sense to me. Being caught in the moment, for me anyway is when conversating turns into kissing or when making out turns into sex. It just happens. This didn't just happen. A prostitute asked him if he wanted company and he thought he could get away with it and his guilt ate hime alive so he confessed.
I agree that it was totally premeditated. He knew what was going to happen the minute he said yes to the prostitutes offer for company. (if it even happened that way...)
Lauriebell82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd August 2013, 8:39 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 51,119
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerCub View Post
I would think the HE threw away that marriage with that 20 minute mistake.

It's not her throwing anything away no matter which path she chooses.

I understand what you're saying, and I agree that 27 years is a long time, but that wording almost sounds like it would be her fault if she can't reconcile with a cheater.
It takes a person with a huge forgiving and special heart to take back a cheater.

They need to figure out if 27 years of marriage with lots of love and memories is worth fighting for.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th August 2013, 6:13 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
It takes a person with a huge forgiving and special heart to take back a cheater.

They need to figure out if 27 years of marriage with lots of love and memories is worth fighting for.
It takes a person with a huge personal deficiency to cheat.

They need to figure out if 27 years of marriage with lots of love and memories is worth a night with a prostitute.
LonelyInsomniac is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
my husband confesses to currently having an affair danijs Separation and Divorce 2 26th January 2013 6:10 PM
my husband confesses to currently having an affair danijs Separation and Divorce 8 25th January 2013 9:45 PM
She confesses coza Infidelity 34 26th June 2012 1:25 PM
She confesses what now coza The Other Man / Woman 2 25th June 2012 8:56 AM
My girlfriend confesses about kissing another guy a year before... roadrunner78 Second Chances 1 9th May 2011 9:15 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:49 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.