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Wife cheated twice and left..quite depressed..


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Here is my story;I am 30 yrs. old recently got divorced from my wife. It was a love marriage andwe were together for 5 years. The problem in the relationship started last year when I went to Australia on an official trip and my wife was back home in Asia. During my absence she started dating my own cousin who was 8 years younger to her and she was physically involved with him. When I returned back to my home country I noticed some changes inher attitude towards me. I started doubting her as I got few clues andeventually she confessed that she slept with my cousin and begged me to forgiveher. After lot of consideration I decided not to disclose it to the family andforgave her.

 

After few months, we decided to move to Australia for good. We stayed together for few months and then all of a sudden my wife said she wants to break the marriage and go back to her mom’s place. I found it really weird as we didn’t have any fights or arguments and was shocked. I tried to convince her to give me a genuine reason but in vain. The day when she decided to go back, I somehow grabbed her phone to check if I could get any clue. I got a shock of my life when I went through her dirty messages exchanged with the same cousin. From the messages I realized he was in Australia for few days and he did visit my home when I was outworking. He slept with my wife again and this is why my wife wanted to leave meand be with him.

 

I got sofurious, that I booked tickets for both of us and flew on the same day to ourhome country to meet her parents and to fight my cousin. I disclosed it ourfamily and she was repenting badly for what she did. She apologized, cried likea baby and begged again to keep her back in my life. After discussing with myfamily, I decided to forgive her for the last time and accepted her back or maybe because I loved her alot.

 

Now after 1 year, she again all of a sudden told me that she doesn’t love me and wanted to go back to her mom. I really went mad, started breaking things In the house. I was wondering after doing so much for her, accepted her even after she cheatedme twice and now she wanted to go back. I was so hurt when she said she doesn’tlove me and really acted weird. She didn’t wait a day and flew on the same day without justifying why she did this.

 

I think she gave me a lame excuse and could have left as she might havefound some guy to be with but I am not sure. I begged her to share if something iswrong but she didn’t. I begged her to stay with me and cried like a baby but in vain. We have eventually got divorced last week but I am finding it very difficult to move on as I loved her so much and my love for her was beyond imagination.

 

I miss herso much but I don’t think I deserved to be treated this way after doing so much for her. She disrespected me, hurt me as much as she could and left me all alone and lonely. I feel lost and don’t know how to move on and the separation is killingme everyday as I feel I cant live without her but don’t even have a choice. My work is going for a toss as I am not able to concentrate on anything. I miss her but cant disrespect myself anymore.

 

Please advice what do you think about the entire scenario? was it good that we got divorced? I am missing her a lot and don't know how to Move on? Pls help.

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I can't imagine how much hurt you're feeling for such multiple betrayals by two people. What was your relationship like before with this cousin?

 

It sounds like you must begin the long, agonizing process of rebuilding yourself. You've been dealt some terrible blows and I can just imagine that the hurt must make you feel like you're dying inside.

 

I haven't had anywhere near as painful a situation as you, but the end of the relationship that brought me to LoveShack shocked me, felt like a betrayal, and it took me a very long time to overcome. From this experience, I can promise you that it WILL feel better even if it seems like an impossible prospect right now. You will mourn hard and long, no doubt, and in that time know that this is your heart's way of ridding itself of the pain so that it can heal. It's a good thing even though you might find yourself unable to concentrate, crying a lot, not feeling up to doing much. Just ride it out.

 

Time is your friend. Time, and honoring your grief by being gentle to yourself, and by surrounding yourself with people you trust and who care about you. Don't bottle it up but reach out--to friends, to a therapist. You need the support. Try to do things you enjoy, maybe take up a new hobby or take a course--things to get your mind thinking about new things.

 

These are just some thoughts. I wish I could be of more help. Just no matter what, remember that there are women out there who would remain true to you, and even if she felt herself falling out of love, wouldn't start up with someone behind your back. Don't lose faith in love, or people.

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My relationship with my cousin earlier was quite good. I always treated him like my real brother and took him along for dinners, movies along with my family. I never knew he and my wife would back stab me.

 

I am writing this with lot of tears in my eyes, I am so hurt that I cant express my situation. I feel so lost and lonely with no where to go. While she was leaving I begged her to stay with me. I told her that I don't have friends and my friend, wife, partner is all you and I am so dependent on you that I cant live without your presence. But unfortunately she did listen to me and didn't have a single tear in her eyes while leaving. I cant imagine what made her so strong and took such a decision. we didn't have any fights or arguments and all of a sudden she gave me a shock of my life. I asked her several times if there is a problem we can discuss but she chose to be quite and just wanted to leave desperately.

 

I cant get over her, I still keep visiting places alone and imagine the time I spent with her at those places. I loved her a lot , still miss her but never deserved to be treated this way.

 

What do you people think? What made her leave me? How could she not have a heart and forgot all the times we spent together? Do you think she is dating someone again? would she ever try to come back to me ever in the future?

 

Friends, The more replies I get, the more better I would feel. So please feel free to post here.

 

Thanks,

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No, you didn't deserve this. No one deserves to be left without some kind of explanation, and with so much betrayal. Has your cousin tried to get in contact with you since this all went down? What does your family say about all of this? Are they supportive of you?

 

I had someone say to me once, when I was terribly hurt by a friend's betrayal and wanted to know Why, Why, Why: "Sometimes people betray us, and there's really no reason why." I thought that totally sucked at the time, because I wanted ANSWERS. But in a way, it's a comforting thought. Sometimes there's not a reason. Or not one that the person doing the betraying understands well enough to articulate to the person being betrayed. It's quite possible that neither your wife nor your cousin know why they have done what they've done. They may well feel bad about it on some level, but they may be in such denial about all feelings except the excitement of their affair that they aren't even aware of their guilt.

 

And, it sucks to hear, but some people really are that callous. They don't feel guilt. It's not because they are cruel monsters; more often than not, they are cowards--weak, unrealized people.

 

Unless you treated your wife badly and aren't saying so here--and I don't get that from your posts--you did not deserve this at all. Take solace in that. YOU DID NOT DESERVE THIS.

 

The only thing that stands out to me in your post is your saying that your wife was your only friend and you were dependent on her. It's never good to be dependent upon one person for all of your needs. Again, this does NOT mean that you somehow "caused" her to leave you. Not at all. It just sounds like, as part of your healing, you need to reach out to more people. Coming here is a good start. Don't isolate yourself. Seek out friends and family you can trust, and pour your heart out to them. If you're not the kind of person who normally does that, try it out with at least ONE person. Start to open up. You'll feel so much better than keeping things bottled up and thinking only about how she was your everything. She's not your everything; you have YOU.

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Well I never spoke to my cousin after that incident. My family is depressed and shattered but still supporting me and advising me not to entertain her ever in life again.

 

I can promise you that I never treated my wife in a bad way even after what she did to me. I never use to vent out my frustration on her. The only reason I said I was dependent on her was because I loved her so much that I never felt a need to have a friend in my life as I always used to roam with her. I wasn't never financially dependent on her.

 

And you are so right when you said I am dying everyday because of the pain I am suffering from.

 

I think I fulfilled all the responsibilities as a husband, but don't know where i failed that made her cheat on me and eventually left me.

 

The only time my mind stops thinking is when i try to sleep in the night. I am tired, stressed, depressed, and cant focus on anything. It seems so difficult to accept the fact that she is no longer with you and left you mid way in the journey of life.

 

I hope nobody goes through this pain, As moving on after loving someone so much becomes almost impossible.

 

I am a very emotional person and may take ages to get over it or may be never.

 

I hope someday she realizes what she has lost in her life and repents everyday for kicking me off. I hope she goes through the pain that i am going through at the moment.

 

We were planning to start a family as well but she killed my dreams to become a father by just leaving me all of a sudden. It HURTS.

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You WILL get over it. Re-read my first post to you. It may not seem like you could ever possibly come out on the other side of this, but you WILL. I prefer to say, "get THROUGH this" rather than "get over it," because you never get "over" a deep hurt. You get through it.

 

First, it's a constant throbbing ache deep in your psyche that is with you all day and all night. Only when you finally manage to sleep does it go away, but as soon as you awaken it's there, like a concrete slab pressing down upon you.

 

Then, you find yourself able to have moments where you get engrossed in something and it's not on your mind. Maybe it's only five minutes, but then it will turn to twenty, an hour, most of a work day. This takes a long time. The throbbing ache comes and goes in waves. And always, just when you think you're feeling better, again it comes, a big wave, stronger than ones before it.

 

Then, the waves lessen. From soul-killing tsunamis of agony they become big-wave-surfing waves, to magnificent rolling waves, to undulations, to ripples. And as they lessen, you're able to crawl out of the tumult and find yourself on shore again, living your life. You see the waves, and hear them hit the shore, but you're no longer trying to stay afloat in their midst.

 

And finally, you begin to feel normal again. You can laugh, and be in the present. You enjoy your activities and the people in your life, and you feel hope for the future. You will always remember the pain, and the long period of mourning. And that will make you more compassionate towards others going through the same pain. You will be a richer, deeper person for this experience, an even more wonderful husband, and an understanding, loving father to the children I promise you you will still have, if you want them.

 

You will make it through. And don't allow yourself that line of thought, of how you "failed." The failure was all hers. ALL hers.

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