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A little trivial, but I'm frustrated...

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Old 31st May 2013, 10:41 PM   #1
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A little trivial, but I'm frustrated...

So, tonight was a big night. We settled a case I've been working on for months. It was a long and arduous deal and just having the thing finished was enough for me. My husband didn't care that I was going out with some folks from the office and he encouraged me to go.

It turned out that it became a couple's thing. Some friends were out and we all ended up coming together. At that point, I texted my husband and said to come out if he felt like it because everyone else was out.

While he was gracious in front of them, I was pissed. He wasn't really making an effort. It just irks me. Yes, I know he has to work tomorrow and these are more my friends than his friends. Big deal. I always make an effort with his friends.

Maybe it wasn't perfect timing, but seriously? I never ask for anything and it just really sends me that the one time I do ask, he doesn't try. I am just gritting my teeth right now.
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Old 31st May 2013, 11:16 PM   #2
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He showed when you called him out of the blue. How much do you expect of him?
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Old 1st June 2013, 2:07 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by tbf View Post
He showed when you called him out of the blue. How much do you expect of him?
Not only that but he was "gracious" with your friends. I'd guess that your frustration is really with something else about him...

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Old 1st June 2013, 3:15 AM   #4
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He was good enough to rock up AFTER the party had started, and probably wasn't feeling the vibe the same as the others. Unless he's always a little off around your friends I can't see it's a real issue this time.

What was it about his behaviour that irked you? How would you have had him behave instead?
"Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright, it's not the end."
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Old 1st June 2013, 3:25 AM   #5
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Maybe you should talk to him about it and get some dialogue going. Ask him if he feels uncomfortable around your coworkers, and ask him what you might do to help him be more at ease. If he realizes this is important to you that he be sociable with your coworkers, he may make more of an effort, or if he has a bit of social anxiety, maybe talking about it with him would help. In any case, talking about it with him in a non-accusatory way I think is the answer. Don't blame, and don't be resentful, just talk to him about it.
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Old 1st June 2013, 8:45 AM   #6
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You are all right... I can be a bit demanding. We hugged it out last night (just after I posted this.)

My husband is shy and it takes him a long time to get to know anybody. He's great in a two-couples situation but more than that makes him uncomfortable. I'm an extrovert. So, the more the merrier. It's a whole lot easier for me to do for him the same thing I asked him to do last night for me.

It was a culmination of things. I REALLY needed to blow off steam after that case settled. Because we've both been crazy busy, we haven't done things with friends and they keep asking us and we keep putting them off. Then, last night felt like a great impromptu way to get our social lives restarted. So, while I was in that mode, he wasn't. He still has to finish a pretty major project.

We're all good. Thanks for pointing out when I'm being unreasonable (although I hate hearing it). And thanks to LS for letting me blow off steam here vs. at him.
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