Sexual Chemistry

[Mycatsnuggles]

I married a man who was my friend. I was innocent and sex was never that great but I (and my husband) just assumed I didn't have a big sex drive. As I got older I found myself wanting good sex. I tried with him many times, teaching and showing him what to do. Occassionally sex was good for me but not often.

 

I don't have the attraction for my husband I wish I did. Sexually he cannot satisfy me even when he tries. I am just not turned on by him. I still fulfill his needs but mine are not being met.

 

My questions, he meets all my other needs, I enjoy being with him, I am just not sexually attracted to him. Anyone else feel this way? Can you change this? Can I make myself feel that sexual attraction towards him?

 

He is sexually attracted to me and is happy with our sex life but I am not.

[lovelyde]

He is sexually attracted to me and is happy with our sex life but I am not.

 

 

Your husband is just a pervert who'll have sex with any woman at this point just for the feeling of sex.

 

 

You must divorce him and find a man who'll make intimate, passionate love to you while you orgasm into eternity. That's what you need.

 

 

A man you respect, though it may not appear that way on the surface, wants to make passionate love to you.

 

 

If that man you respect all of a sudden bent over to lock lips with you, how would you feel?

 

 

Get him now.

 

 

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[Keenly]

Your husband is just a pervert who'll have sex with any woman at this point just for the feeling of sex.

 

 

You must divorce him and find a man who'll make intimate, passionate love to you while you orgasm into eternity. That's what you need.

 

 

A man you respect, though it may not appear that way on the surface, wants to make passionate love to you.

 

 

If that man you respect all of a sudden bent over to lock lips with you, how would you feel?

 

 

Get him now.

 

 

-

...... so he is a pervert because he loves his wife and is attracted to her.

 

Is this really how women think ?

[lovelyde]

...... so he is a pervert because he loves his wife and is attracted to her.

 

Is this really how women think ?

 

 

This is how experienced women think. Other women are too inexperienced to tell the difference between a real husband and a fake husband.

 

 

The husband loves her... but here's the kicker: He's not "in love" with her. She's attractive, but many women are attractive. So that makes her husband nothing special because he'd treat any willing attractive lady the way he treats her, so she should just get rid of him.

 

 

Instead, she should go for a man whom she respects and gets sexual goosebumps at the thought of kissing his lips. That relationship is real. And he will feel the same way for her. The feeling is mutual, just she must let the guy know that she likes him.

 

 

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[lace5262]

...... so he is a pervert because he loves his wife and is attracted to her.

 

Is this really how women think ?

 

Apparently some women But no, not all of us.

[lovelyde]

And you know this how? What gives you reason to call her husband a pervert?

 

It isn't how any women think either. You don't speak for anyone but yourself.

 

Good lord - this is the strangest post I've read on this entire website.

 

 

Many people lie to themselves. Instead of going for the person who they have a crush on and can't approach directly because of the crush, many people go for the person who's approachable and settle for them because it's easier.

 

 

But those people, when reminded of young love or old school crushes, are reminded of the heightened sexual responses of biology, they know the incredibly horny tingling sensation.

 

 

If you don't get a incredibly horny tingling sensation when you look at your husband, then of course your sex life isn't going to be sexually charged.

 

 

Instead of being a coward and just marrying anyone who'll have you, you should just focus on seducing your crush. That way your sex life will be explosive and there won't be any complaints or lukewarm relationships.

 

 

 

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[underwater2010]

You've been in an affair for over 2 years. It's a bit late to be asking this isn't it?

 

If this is indeed true, as I haven't gone to your previous posts, then do your husband a favor and let him find someone that respects him. There is such thing as sex therapy. If you truly want your marriage then layoff the OM and fouls on you marriage.

[lovelyde]

You didn't even attempt to answer my question. Why did you quote me?

 

Why are you calling men perverts?

 

 

Because if men aren't banging their soulmate, then the woman they're with is just a way to release pent up sexual desires.

 

 

 

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[Techie Artist]

Many people lie to themselves. Instead of going for the person who they have a crush on and can't approach directly because of the crush, many people go for the person who's approachable and settle for them because it's easier.

 

 

But those people, when reminded of young love or old school crushes, are reminded of the heightened sexual responses of biology, they know the incredibly horny tingling sensation.

 

 

If you don't get a incredibly horny tingling sensation when you look at your husband, then of course your sex life isn't going to be sexually charged.

 

 

Instead of being a coward and just marrying anyone who'll have you, you should just focus on seducing your crush. That way your sex life will be explosive and there won't be any complaints or lukewarm relationships.

 

 

 

-

Either you're mocking this forum or you really believe the drivel you're spewing. While there are some folks who get all tingly over a "crush" (such a mature-woman adjective ), most people DEVELOP relationships that give them the flutters and make them all warm/hot and excited. If we all followed your advice, the only people who'd be married would be superhunks/supermodels. Yes, some folks fool themselves into settling. I'll admit to being one. However, I have had 3 relationships where the thought of my boyfriend would send me to fantasyland. They didn't work out as deep and meaningful relationships that lasted. Theory busted. And, I might add...those crushes were in my 20s.

 

As a mature woman, I agree that we should pursue where attraction is strong and push through low self esteem or "I'll never get him/her" syndrome. However, to advise people to stalk their crush is....er...childish.

[Techie Artist]

You're right. The OP is asking this while in a lengthy affair. Why ask now?

[carhill]

Adding relevant backstory thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/380740-pregnant

 

Anyone else feel this way? Can you change this? Can I make myself feel that sexual attraction towards him?

 

Change is always possible. It's a choice. Life is full of choices and they each affect us and have consequences.

 

Here's a thread you might find of interest, relevant to sexual desire:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/381730-q-ladies

 

Good luck.

[Mycatsnuggles]

H is not a pervert for liking sex, he says I am his soulmate and he wants sex to connect with me. I would like to receiprocate his feelings. I believe I can change the way I feel. Wondering if anyone has.

 

Carhill thank you for the reply to the actual question. Yes I had an affair with a man for 2+ years. It was emotional and physical.

 

H is aware of the affair and wants to work the marriage.

 

I would like to have a fulfilling marriage and leave my affair behind. Why I posted here. I am not defending the affair. It was wrong, there is no excuse for what I did. But I do believe H and I can make this work, it will just take some work.

[underwater2010]

So then your affair is over? You need to do mc with your husband and you need to bring up the sex aspect.

[lovelyde]

H is not a pervert for liking sex, he says I am his soulmate and he wants sex to connect with me.

 

 

If you really are his soulmate, then you wouldn't have to go looking for a sexual relationship with another man. Only your soulmate can give you a strong sexual peak of orgasm, which means sex with others cannot even come close in comparison.

 

 

So you and your husband are not made or meant for each other and should divorce as soon as possible.

 

 

 

-

[summerdowling87]

*blinks*

Wait, what now?

 

Right I like what.

 

Maybe she's his soul mate which is was he so turned on by her and wants her.

 

And maybe he's not hers "maybe".

[summerdowling87]

H is not a pervert for liking sex, he says I am his soulmate and he wants sex to connect with me. I would like to receiprocate his feelings. I believe I can change the way I feel. Wondering if anyone has.

 

Carhill thank you for the reply to the actual question. Yes I had an affair with a man for 2+ years. It was emotional and physical.

 

H is aware of the affair and wants to work the marriage.

 

I would like to have a fulfilling marriage and leave my affair behind. Why I posted here. I am not defending the affair. It was wrong, there is no excuse for what I did. But I do believe H and I can make this work, it will just take some work.

 

Have you lost you connect with your husband?..

 

Lots of woman need to feel connected to the mean that they're me intimate with or it won't work not matter what.

[lovelyde]

If we all followed your advice, the only people who'd be married would be superhunks/supermodels.

 

 

Our soulmates don't care if we're "ugly", they would still have raging passion for us just because they're with us.

 

 

And we don't care if our soulmate's "ugly", "skill-less", had no limbs, old, we still would be there by their side making love to them.

 

 

 

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[underwater2010]

I think you have a piece of the soul mate concept. But sex fades. The soul mate is the person that sits beside you when you are 70-80 yrs of age and will hold your hand, because sex is necessarily an option. Stop looking so short term and think long term.

[lovelyde]

I think you have a piece of the soul mate concept. But sex fades. The soul mate is the person that sits beside you when you are 70-80 yrs of age and will hold your hand, because sex is necessarily an option. Stop looking so short term and think long term.

 

 

When you're with your soulmate, wanting sex with your partner doesn't fade even when you reach old age.

 

 

In fact many elderly people who were wise enough to find their soulmates, instead of dating around aimlessly among lukewarm relationships which result in fake marriages and ultimately divorces, still have a good sex life.

 

 

Women can choose to marry rich men for the sake of material goods and to show off among her girlfriends what a "catch" she has, but in the end it isn't fulfilling as she will end up regretting it as she gets older.

 

 

I'm not going to stop such an egotistic woman from having a "rich" trophy husband and I'm not gonna stop the egotistic man who just wants a "beautiful" trophy wife, however, they are not wise because they are not together for a good reason for the sake of the health of the soul.

 

 

Hey, if they wanna waste their time, by all means, they can.

 

 

If they don't want my advice, then OK. There's gotta be some stupid people in this world to make me feel better about my position. They're wasting their time, not me.

 

 

 

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[underwater2010]

When you're with your soulmate, wanting sex with your partner doesn't fade even when you reach old age.

 

 

In fact many elderly people who were wise enough to find their soulmates, instead of dating around aimlessly among lukewarm relationships which result in fake marriages and ultimately divorces, still have a good sex life.

 

 

Women can choose to marry rich men for the sake of material goods and to show off among her girlfriends what a "catch" she has, but in the end it isn't fulfilling as she will end up regretting it as she gets older.

 

 

I'm not going to stop such an egotistic woman from having a "rich" trophy husband and I'm not gonna stop the egotistic man who just wants a "beautiful" trophy wife, however, they are not wise because they are not together for a good reason for the sake of the health of the soul.

 

 

Hey, if they wanna waste their time, by all means, they can.

 

 

If they don't want my advice, then OK. There's gotta be some stupid people in this world to make me feel better about my position. They're wasting their time, not me.

 

 

 

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Can I ask how old you are? I am not be condesending.

[lovelyde]

Can I ask how old you are? I am not be condesending.

 

I'm in my 30's. Shhh..........

 

 

My soulmate's in his 40's. Shhhh........

 

 

 

 

 

-

[ZombieBarbie]

GET A DIVORCE. If you're unhappy, LEAVE! You're not doing yourself or your husband any favors by staying with him. Life is too short.

[Mycatsnuggles]

Is everyone with their "soulmate" then? No body attempts to work out a relationship for things other then being a perfect fit together. Friendship and family relations are not enough for a marriage? Everyone feels that a marriage must have perfect sex or its not worth trying then? Just wondering.

 

If you have children together and a lifetime of experiences isn't that worth trying to save. I believe it is. I don't want to live unhappyily ever after but I feel with work it can be saved. Honestly I am a little astounded at the respones. Are you married?

[underwater2010]

Is everyone with their "soulmate" then?

 

Not sure I believe in soulmates, but I am married to my best friend who is a FWH.

 

No body attempts to work out a relationship for things other then being a perfect fit together.

 

I am all for trying everything prior to calling it quits. That is working on everything within a marriage without cheating. Do I think that things can be worked out after an affair? Absolutely. But both partners must be willing and their can be no further affairs.

 

Friendship and family relations are not enough for a marriage?

 

Immediate family is the most important. Friends can come and go and extended family can be to judgemental without all the facts.

 

Everyone feels that a marriage must have perfect sex or its not worth trying then? Just wondering.

 

No....sex can be worked on. It is the foundation that matters.

 

If you have children together and a lifetime of experiences isn't that worth trying to save. I believe it is. I don't want to live unhappyily ever after but I feel with work it can be saved. Honestly I am a little astounded at the respones. Are you married?

 

I am married 14 yrs with 3 kids ranging from 14-2. If it wasn't for the kids he would have had a harder time keeeping me. But there are years of love and the relationship the kids have with their father to take into consideration.

 

 

See reponses in bold.

[Mycatsnuggles]

Thank you Underwater, you give me hope. The respones have all been prior to yours to "just leave".

 

H and I share a deep friendship, I like him alot lol, and yes I plan on working on the sexual relationship with him, I am sure he is looking forward to this experience. I bought us a book to read together about becoming closer sexually and we have been attending some church marriage counseling. We will be seeking private counseling but I am hesitant as we have had previous POOR counseling which only drove us further apart. This women empasized the problems in our relationship.

 

The affair was VERY wrong on my part but it was a symptom of our problems not the cause. The friendship I was referring to was with H, not other people. We had begun to emphasize the problems in the relationship. Group counseling has taught us to focus on the positives. Our assigment this week was to write five nice things about our spouse. I think this is something H/W should do each week.