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Husband going to work away from home


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Old 20th April 2004, 12:30 PM   #1
SIA
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Husband going to work away from home

HI to all

I need advice.

We with husband have been married for 10 months now. I left my country (I'm a foreigner), my job, my family to marry a man I love and stay with him. Some months ago my husband lost his work. I still don't work here as I have no permit and law of this country dose not allow me to work for some years but I'm still trying to find something for me and keep myself busy.

My husband has an opportunity to get a contract job for 3 years and work away from home. I said to him that I would like to follow him as I don't have many friends here still I don't have permanent job I don't have children and I'm a very family type woman. But my husband dose not agree. He said somebody has to take care of the house and he dose not want to move there permanently. So he will come once a week or once in two weeks home or I can live one week with him one week at home. We live together with his aunty which is like his mother. She is not so young 67. And I asked him what if you were not married would your aunty stay in the house and take care of it ? He said : "Yes". So why can't we now live together and aunty will take care of the house?

But my husband dose not understand me and he said I don't want him to get job and it was not easy to get this contract. I don't mind him to work there but I don't want to stay without him because I think it dose not make sence.

Help me please to understand what is wrong here
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Old 20th April 2004, 10:40 PM   #2
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My mother was in the same position as you when she married my father (probably worse - he beat her and cheated on her practically every day/night of their marriage) but anyway, what I want to say is that being alone in a foreign country without friends and family (and financial freedom of being able to work) puts you in a VERY vulnerable position! You either need to stay where you are and quuckly establish a circle of friends to keep you happy, or insist on going with him if that is what you want. Who knows - maybe give him an ultimatum - you go with him or you go home to your family. See how he responds, but you do need to develop a base of support for yourself including friends and finances.

Good luck

Cheers,

A.G.
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Old 21st April 2004, 9:24 AM   #3
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My husband moved me to another state and in less than a year he was in a different country (and ended up being there for a year). Some families somehow work through the separation and somehow make it through. We were not one of those couples. It just really was another tear in the fiber of our marriage. Needless to say, we are getting divorced, five years later. He went, I stayed home and took care of the house. Do not self-sacrifice for this man. It took a long time for me to realize it. Of course you want to make him happy, but what about you?
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