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My Mom, the unprofessional marriage counselor


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BetheButterfly

My Mom is so awesome!!! :love::love::love:

 

My husband and I recently had our first huge fight. It was about something that is important to me, which he disagrees with in how to accomplish. Now, it's nothing to do with loveshack but rather something Jesus says. (We are Christians, though we interpreted differently some of Jesus' teachings, which we didn't realize till our fight lol).

 

Anyways, my Mom loves both my husband and me dearly. I called her to complain to her, and she patiently heard my complaints, then directed me to a better way (that doesn't bother my husband) for me to follow Jesus' teachings) which involves helping organizations that specialize in this. She also calmed me down and helped me see his side. I really appreciate that. :love:

 

My husband had tears running down his handsome cheeks when he heard my side of the conversation (we were in the car and he was driving) and that broke my heart. His Mom died years ago from cancer and he misses her so much. After I talked to her, he asked my Mom if he could call her anytime he needed advice about what to do with me. :p (My Mom and I are best friends; she knows me since before I was born lol). My Mom said sure and that she considers him like her own son, though through marriage.

 

I really appreciate that, and the point of this thread is basically how I think it's important for counselors to care for both sides of a couple when they fight. My Mom did that. She didn't take my side and she didn't take his side. Rather, she understood both sides and she helped me understand my husband's side, as well as suggested a compromise, which both my husband and I liked.

 

My Mom reminded me that my husband and I are a team, that he loves me (which I know; I don't doubt that at all) and that we don't need differences in ideas to separate us and hurt us. Rather, we can talk through and compromise. My husband, who also loves my parents a lot, really appreciated her words of wisdom, which she has learned through being married to my Dad for 38 years. They have had their ups and downs, their trials and fights and issues, yet their love is stronger than the trunk of a healthy oak tree (in my opinion) and we are now reaping the benefits of the struggles they overcame.

 

So anyways, I am writing this thread since it's our first "huge" fight and I really appreciate my Mom's counsel and her love for both of us. Family needs to help and encourage each other, and I hope that anyone reading this will be encouraged to not take sides in family member's disputes, but rather encourage them to understand each other and talk with love and compromise, to see themselves as a team who love each other, instead of enemies out to "win" a fight.

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You have a great mom! It's nice that she can stay focused on what's important when you and your hubby can't see eye to eye. Many people aren't able to do that, and probably just automatically side with their biological child.

 

You hear a lot about not mentioning the gory details of marital disagreements to family members because, sometimes, after the fight the couple makes up (in the way couples do) and moves on, while the family is left with the feelings of resentment towards the SO.

 

So, the fact that not only you, but your husband too (!), can discuss these things with your mom...it's very special :)

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I envy you whenever I seek advice from my mum, she just cracks it and walks off. Sometimes I wonder why she had children.

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BetheButterfly
You have a great mom! It's nice that she can stay focused on what's important when you and your hubby can't see eye to eye. Many people aren't able to do that, and probably just automatically side with their biological child.

 

You hear a lot about not mentioning the gory details of marital disagreements to family members because, sometimes, after the fight the couple makes up (in the way couples do) and moves on, while the family is left with the feelings of resentment towards the SO.

 

So, the fact that not only you, but your husband too (!), can discuss these things with your mom...it's very special :)

 

Yeah I was thinking when I called her that she would be on my side.

 

I actually think that's one of the reasons my husband starting crying, cause he was thinking the same and he misses his Mom, and was really grateful when my Mom helped me understand his side and reminded me that he loves me. :love: He was very close to his Mom and her death hit him hard, so I think he feels that his has an "adoptive" Mom in my Mom. :love:

 

It's important to not tell everything to one's parents, but it is interesting to me too how my parents help support and encourage us in our marriage. Marriage is not all fun and games and sex; it's also learning how to live together and "be one" and those of us who do not have as much experience can learn from those who do, in how to compromise when we have differences in ideas and to love and respect and come to an agreement that makes us stronger together.

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BetheButterfly
I envy you whenever I seek advice from my mum, she just cracks it and walks off. Sometimes I wonder why she had children.

 

:( I'm sorry about that. Yeah having children is a big responsibility and it really helps when children can feel their parents' support and love and get their advice even when they (the children) have grown into adulthood.

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I think your mum being a great mum is cool, and that a counsellor is a different thing entirely. Rock on your mum, she sounds lovely :)

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