Jump to content

what are her intentions?


Recommended Posts

Hello,

I literally just started this account so that I can get a fast answer before I say or do something stupid. I have been married now going on 3 years. I think a have a wonderful marriage (that at least in comparison to what I see around me). The first year of our marriage was a little rocky as I was deployed.

I woke up this morning and started going threw my wifes phone to gather her friends numbers(she I'm trying to throw her a surprise graduation party for graduating with her masters when we go home for the holiday) . I then came across some texts between her and her ex. About three months ago she stated things like "I dont know if I was ready to get married, hindsight is 20/20, you still have a special place in my heart, and it may be worth the trip to see you ..."

Should I try to talk to her about it, ignore it, read into it?

I dont know and we have a lot of things coming up together so I know she'll see that I'm irritated. Help!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Unacceptable. So you're supposed to work for her, provide her with a home, and deal with the typical stuff men have to accept from women...all the while she's planning a trip to see an ex who had a "special place" in her heart?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I am going to give her the benefit of doubt. There has been no signs or proof of infidelity between the two of us. This just struck me as very odd. She was saying that she didn't know if she wanted to go home for homecoming and if she did it would be worth the trip to see him. That last statement did hurt. I don't know how to approach her though

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell her what you were doing and what you found. Ask her what it meant!

 

I wouldn't just ignore it, what she said sounds reallyyyy shady.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't know how to approach her though

Be aware that, if you do approach her and something is going on, she may go into stealth mode with new and unknown phone and email accounts. I'd consider a keylogger and/or GPS, there's too many red flags here. She may not be guilty but, after what you've found, were I you I'd want to prove she's innocent. Keep posting and let us know how it goes...

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am going to give her the benefit of doubt. There has been no signs or proof of infidelity between the two of us. This just struck me as very odd. She was saying that she didn't know if she wanted to go home for homecoming and if she did it would be worth the trip to see him. That last statement did hurt. I don't know how to approach her though

 

Dude...are you kidding the forum here?? If she goes, or you ignore this, then say goodbye to your spouse. She will 100% guaranteed have sex with him if she goes....heck most likely she already has has sex with him since you have been married. She has already lied to you, and betrayed you to him by discussing your marriage with him. You are being a doormat here, and asking her anything will just get you a lie as a response. Don't say you were not warned.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

There has been no signs or proof of infidelity between the two of us.[?QUOTE]

 

Here let me provide you with a clear cut, absolutely obvious sign that she is straying. read the sentance below.

 

 

She was saying that she didn't know if she wanted to go home for homecoming and if she did it would be worth the trip to see him.

 

What more do you need to see??????? Do you have to actually watch his penis go into her vagina first hand before you can do anything about it?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

YOU are making a huge mistake by not putting the smack-down on this ASAP. You have solid, absolute, indesputable proof that she is carrying on inappropriately with her ex. If you do not do something about this YOU will be downright negligent and irresponsible.

 

Take a picture of the texts and save them so she can not just make them go away.

 

Then make an appointment with a qualified maritial counselor and make an appointment with a good divorce lawyer. Meet with the lawyer and get your assets protected and get a good game plan in place and have the papers drawn up (you need to actually file them yet)

 

Then tell her that the trip back and the party are canceled and that you have other appointments scheduled for that time. When she asks why you show her the texts and show her the divorce papers and show her everything you are asking for in the divorce.

 

Then tell her that she can pick what's behing Door #1 which is the appointment with the marriage counselor or she can pick Door #2 which is you meeting with your lawyer again to file the papers and have her removed from the maritial home.

 

Now make no mistake, she is going to be LIVID!!! She is going to accuse you of not trusting her and of being a bully and an ass and she is going to accuse you of being crazy and paranoid and that you are completely misunderstanding some old friends wanting to get together for a cup of coffee and "catching up."

 

She is going to threaten to walk out herself and she is going to tell you that if you don't cancel your appointment with your lawyer that she is going to DIVORCE YOU. And she is also going to say that counseling is not needed and that you are simply misunderstanding things and making mountains out of molehills.

 

The reason she doesn't want to go to counseling is because she is enjoying this little reunited fantasy she is having with her ex and that can only exist in secrecy and in the shadows. She knows that any counselor worth his/her wieght in beetle dung is going to see through her and call her out.

 

If she refuses to address this upfront and refuses to go into counseling or to work on the marriage, you are going to have to play hard ball and contact her family and best friends and anyone on her side that will support your marriage and show them the pictures of her texts and ask them to talk to her to support you and your marriage.

 

Affairs with ex's only work in the dark shadows of secrecy, especially if it was a bad break up or a bad relationship to begin with. People that are close to her will likely try to dissuade her from ruining her marriage over him. and when her little fantasys have the harsh light of day shown on them, they will likely dissipate very rapidly.

 

One of women's greatest fears is to be thought of as slutty or as morally impaired in terms of the marriage and sexuality. Once this little txt fantasy isn't fun anymore and has real-world consequences attached to it, it will probably fade away pretty fast....

 

..... but then you still have to deal with the maritial issues that lead up to it.

 

this isn't going to be fun and it will be a lot of work. The WORST thing you can do is put your head in the sand and wish that it will all just go away.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She used you to help her get her degree. Now that she has it, she is ready to go back on the market.

 

Many married people do not believe in having opposite sex friends. Even people that do beleive in opposite sex friends, ban have exs or people that are not friends of the marriage as opposite sex friends. Her text message to her ex crossed the line big time and would be considered a betrayal.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...