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Weight gain and sex


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Old 21st November 2012, 1:23 PM   #1
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Weight gain and sex

Hello all,

I have been dealing with a problem in my relationship for some time now and I would like to get some other perspectives.

So.. I am 26 and he is 31. We have been together for 4,5 years, engaged for 2 and he is thinking of starting planning the wedding next year.. That is if we will still be together..

At the beginning everything was great! The sex was awesome (and a lot) there was a deep connection, we talked about anything and I was living the dream. He started gaining weight about two years ago and since then our sex life went downhill. From 5-6 times a week to 1 every two months.

Up to some months ago I was always the one trying to initiate anything. But the response was "I can't now I am tired", "It is after 10'", "I am just looking for partnership", "My weight is a problem". And whenever it did happen it wouldn't be over a minute.

So him cutting it down to "My weight is a problem" he said he will try to loose weight.. Couple of times to be honest. He tries for one week, two max and then goes back to eating 2 plates of spaghetti for dinner.

During the summer I talked to him and explained that by next summer either he loses his weight or he loses me. He still hasn't started diet. I have stopped believing than anything will change.. And the worst is that his father is also very fat. I know what you will say maybe it is in the genes or something. Ok but why doesn't he do something about it? Does he like being fat?

I stopped finding him attractive and I honestly feel like i live with a roommate and not my husband to be. I love him so much and that is the reason I stay but I don't want this to be my life. Begging him and feeling the rejection over and over.

What do you think? Am I irrational?
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Old 21st November 2012, 3:26 PM   #2
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Not irrational. You need to run. He will never be what you want him to be. If you stick around to either try and make him be or hope he becomes on his own what you want you are going to be unhappy for a long time. Better to be unhappy for a short time and cut this off now.
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Old 21st November 2012, 3:35 PM   #3
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I think if it was just about losing weight, there would be ways you could inspire and help him. He can't eat two plates of spaghetti if you make dinner and offer only a little spaghetti with a lot of veggies.

But - I don't think it's just about weight.

The fact that he rarely wants sex and when he does want it, it only lasts a minute has little to do with your attraction to him, and honestly probably not much to do with his weight. HE has some kind of problem.
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Old 21st November 2012, 5:18 PM   #4
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Is he depressed?
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Old 21st November 2012, 7:07 PM   #5
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Hello again! Thanks for answering me.

WhatYouWantToHear yes this is exactly what I am thinking.. Will see how things are the summer.

pretomom the thing is he doesn't follow my lifestyle. And he prefers cooking. Even if I do make dinner as you say he will still make something extra..

Hawaii50 I was hoping it was just a phase..

Mint Sauce I have thought about it a million times. I even think I might be the source of it.. But I have tried talking to him and he says he is fine and that there is nothing going on. From what he tells me we are great and everything is peachy.

DuckSoup If you have another opinion I would really like to hear. This is why I made this thread.

Last edited by sali_lulu; 21st November 2012 at 7:09 PM..
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Old 21st November 2012, 7:14 PM   #6
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yes this is exactly what I am thinking.. Will see how things are the summer.
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Old 21st November 2012, 7:50 PM   #7
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I don't think you can give people ultimatums or stealthily nudge them to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

They have to want it.

The writing is on the wall I'm afraid. Start quietly preparing for your split.
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Old 21st November 2012, 8:22 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enema View Post
I don't think you can give people ultimatums or stealthily nudge them to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

They have to want it.

The writing is on the wall I'm afraid. Start quietly preparing for your split.
you are completely right.. And I am not sure he wants to..

yes i am aware.. rookie mistake
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Old 21st November 2012, 8:39 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enema View Post
I don't think you can give people ultimatums or stealthily nudge them to adopt a healthier lifestyle.

They have to want it.

The writing is on the wall I'm afraid. Start quietly preparing for your split.
I totally agree.

He obviously doesn't give a s.hit if he looks good for you or not. It's been 2 years and he hasn't done anything about it. What is waiting til summer going to do? Haven't you been through a summer (or 2) in the past two years and nothing has changed? Why would it change this summer?

and having to monitor what he eats so that he starts losing weight? Please. He's not a child. I wouldn't mommy a man like that, ever. What a turn off. At least you aren't married yet, I bet he'd get even worse.
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Old 21st November 2012, 8:44 PM   #10
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There's no need to wait til the summer or give ultimatums or any of that nonsense.

LAUNCH.
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