Oh yeah and a Virgin

[130thatgirl]

Hello all. I'm 20 years old and a virgin. I'm in a very good relationship with a highly motivated 23 year old man. He's so kind to me and so loving.

 

We have both been in serious relationships before. Only difference is he has been with 3 other girls. It's actually not a bad problem, and I think myself to be pretty understanding. He's 100% here for me. But, non-the-less, as a virgin, the scary thoughts cross my mind... Will he be thinking of the others and how they were like when we do have sex for the first time (when we are married)? Or has it been so long(he's 3 years celibate) that they won't cross his mind? (I know men think compartmentley).

 

My mind flip flops between being absolutely fine and absolutely nervous of the idea of sex with an experienced man... because I decided to google search and read and read!! Haha I think I made myself more worried than I should be honestly! Haha so I decided its best to just ask before my mind carries off even more!

 

Some thoughts that factor in:

-he hasn't been with any one in any way for 3 years.

-he was the one to bring up marriage

-he compliments me daily and is very attentive to my needs and emotional health.

 

I feel so extremely happy with him! I just can't help that my mind sometimes wonders a little and I start to get nervous.

 

I've read ALOT of posts and forums when searching google from men. Nearly all of them seem negative towards virgin girls and an experienced man...

 

I guess what I'm asking is though, is there any one who has had a *similar* situation to mine? Do men who have been heartbroken in the past, and celibate for a while care for the past? ( I know men and women think differently ).

 

I just need some comfort on this topic. My man is in Iraq right now and I don't want to bring this up while he's over seas.

 

I posted this in the marriage section hoping for a more well rounded answer.

 

Sorry for the long post.

Thank you

Edited October 25, 2012 by 130thatgirl

[SensitiveTJ]

Hi there, 130. Welcome to Loveshack. I was interested to read your predicament, because I myself was on the opposite end of the same situation quite recently. I was a 25 year old male taking the virginity of a 20 y/o woman. Let's talk about your relationship.

 

1) It seems like you are in a good relationship with a man who is good to you. Congratulations. It's very important that you trust your partner before any sexual activity, but particularly the first time. Communication and respect are vital, as well as PATIENCE. Since this is your first time with penetrative sex, going slow and engaging in plenty of foreplay is a great idea.

 

2) Will your man be thinking of other women during the act? I seriously doubt it. Sex is such a stimulating and invigorating experience that, for a man especially, his mind will be focused entirely on the moment. This is particularly true because you are a virgin and he must know what an honor and a privilege it is to be your first. So don't concern yourself with thoughts of anyone but the two of you. Enjoy this moment and treasure it. You only get one first time, make it brilliant.

 

3) I see that you have discussed marriage and family with your man. That is mature to do at your age, and I respect that. However, sex is a major component of a relationship and an area in which compatibility is truly vital. Have you thought about how you would feel, if ths man turned out to not be "the one?" Please know, I am not predicting failure. Just consider the emotional bond which sex will create between the two of you.

 

Hope everything works out 130!

[130thatgirl]

Thank you so much TJ, I'm very relieved you happened to come across my post and reply. You're feedback was so extremly helpful especially because you're on the opposite end! The exact perspective answer I needed!

 

To your question in point number three: Yes. I have thought it out. The main reason I'm staying chaste till marriage. I will not marry unless I know for sure. But, it's always a dice roll, right? People can change, but his moral perspectives match mine. I have faith in us, and pray.

But you're absolutely right! Always a thought to consider though, because to me, sex is sacred.

Thank you for your concern

[pteromom]

Ok, as someone for who sex is NOT sacred, and who thinks the idea of a guy who has been with three girls as "experienced" is funny, I can promise you that I have NEVER had sex with someone while thinking of someone else.

 

When I am with someone, whether it be in a loving relationship or a one-night stand, I am only thinking about that person.

 

So I wouldn't worry too much about that.

 

The other thing is if he loves you, sex will take on a whole lot more meaning than just the physical feeling of it. It will be very special and a way to express love between you.

 

You'll be ok.