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Physical attraction


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Hi,

 

I've been with my bf for about a year. We've been living together for a few months. My bf was a typical non commitment kind of guy. He had a lot of relationships in the past but never seem to be able to commit to a relation. Almost all his past relationships have ended bad, with people blaming him for a lot of stuff

He often continued to do online dating and flirting with multiple other women whilst in a relation. Often beautiful women but very slutty types.

 

When we met i knew he was a little bit of a bad guy and i had no intention to really start anything with him. We had a sex date and enjoyed each others company and it grew in something bigger.

After a while it got serious, still a while later he talked about moving in etc... so we moved in. In fact we seem to be having a 'perfect' relation. We hugg, hold hands, kiss all the time, have sex at least 4 times a week, have almost no fights.... for me it seemed one of the best relationships i could possibly have.

 

A few days before he moved in i discoverd he was still flirting with other people online. I commented on it and made it clear i can't accept that. Took me a while to accept it happend, but i do have some understanding for his past (previous gf allowing it)... anyway that behaviour has stopped and he seems pretty much commited now

 

However, lately i started to rethink a number of things. He always said he is not able to fall in love, although we never discussed it, i do think he was/is in love with me if i look at is behaviour. However he himself has a firm believe he is not in love (does love me but not in love). Now i reflected on this and in the end i can live with it because its starting to get a theoretical discussion about what love is.

 

When we were a few months together we had some sex issues, it wasn't as fun as it used to be, i noticed he didn't initiate that often etc etc. That period past and we're back at have more than enough sex. Of course after some time sex gets a bit duller between two partners, but he's still iniating quite often. But i started noticing that also he does it, he doesn't really seem into it and afterwards he could watch porn (i would say there is a 'satisfaction' period just after sex, no ?)

After rethinking what was going on and investigation a bit I found messages from him to friends (messages dating back from our sex issue period) where he claims he thinks i'm beautiful, he wants to have children with me etc etc, but that he has no physical attraction to me whatever. He doesn't look at me and think 'i want to take her'.... i reality he does display the behaviour, cause he initiates a lot..

 

So Im really conflicted here. If what he writes is true i feel really betrayed... displaying all the behaviour and using the words... but not feeling it... and i think i need to stop the relationship because how can i stay with someone who can't be honest to himself, let alone me. How could he continue or even start a relation with me if he didn't find me attractive ? How could he do things he was not prepared to do with other women (like moving in) with me ? I feel also very stupid that i didn't realise before how he felt and really betrayed because all the words and acts said the opposite.

On the other hand, maybe i'm overreacting here and were the messages just a reflection of a moment.

 

 

So can you find someone beautiful, have sex, and want children with her etc etc but have no physical attraction ?

(or are you fooling yourself at will you never be able to keep this up?)

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