no interest in husband whatsoever

[crazybird]

Hi

I have been married for 4.5 yrs now. I got married early at 21. i dont think i was deeply in love with my husband at that time. But i know he is a good person loving father as well. I dont really believe in love. Since having our son, i am not interested in him at all. I was very depressed after the birth of my son. I begged him for some help and understanding. I was very lonely and he works really long hours. I begged him to come home earlier, help me with our son. But all he said was: any1 in your place would have been happy, perfect son, good marriage etc, it is all in my head, i will never be happy and etc" So the problem is not that, I have learned to live with that but i dont feel anything towards him. I dread even kissing him when he goes to work. I am not even talking about sex. I pretend to be asleep when he comes home or try to look busy, so i wont have to hug or kiss him. I feel sorry for him, i tried to force myself but i cannot do it. As i said before i dont believe in love, am i wrong? I have never been in love, i view being in love a suffering, being rejected or used and etc. I never had a proper boyfriend either. I have no idea where i stand at the moment in my marriage. Some opinions or advice would be appreciated.

[SomedayDig]

Well, it sounds like the best thing to do is actually communicate everything you just said, but say it all to him. Or...let him read this post and start a dialogue about your lives together.

 

If that doesn't work, I hate to say it, but listen to the song "Stay Together for the Kids" by Blink182.

 

Says it all.

[irin]

i think this maybe the result of other issues, you need to dig a bit deeper, to all the problems in your marriage, you cant have always felt this way towards him, if you willingly married him and conceived a son there must have been some attraction, emotional intimacy.

 

i think his lack of understanding, sympathy, emotional support, and neglect, during your postnatal depression, (im assuming this is what you had)

 

also your age maybe a factor, 21 isnt really the age for changing nappies, and being caring mother and wife.

 

how old is he?

[NervisPervis]

Do all three of you a favor and leave him. I wish to god my wife did when she was (roughly) in your shoes. But she chose the chicken-**** way out and stayed. Now all 5 of us are miserable.

 

Just leave. You will never love him and the resentment will fester and rot away at all of your lives. Trust me. I know.

[sally4sara]

I hope like hell you two only married because you got pregnant.

If not.....

 

As one other poster asked, what had you getting married to this guy to begin with and what happened other than getting pregnant and giving birth to change your attitude towards him?

Don't believe in love? Don't you have love for your baby? If you don't feel love towards your child, you need to get some help and fast. Its not normal and could be chemical (therefore fixable).

 

I find it hard that it would all be down to him working long hours and you being with the baby alone. You didn't like being alone with the baby so much? Do you think he was having a blast working so many hours? You asked him for some help but you're able to seek out medical attention much in the same way a single mother could. However if he had asked you to help him on his end, you couldn't because you're not employed by his employer. Should he feel nothing towards you for not coming to his job and helping him with his end of things?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Maybe you need to see someone to talk about the possibility that you are depressed.

 

You sound like you're in a bad place. It's not fair to either you or your husband for you to just stay there. If you are not willing to work on yourself and your marriage, you should divorce. But if you have deep problems, it's not fair to your child, either, for you to fail to address them.