avon20 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 How many women would consider it a deal-breaker and grounds for divorce if one day her husband didn't want to sleep with her anymore? Not only not have sex anymore but not even sleep in the same room anymore. What if the husband just said "I have no desire to sleep in the same room with you anymore. I want us to sleep in separate rooms. I will sleep in the guest room. You can have the master bedroom"?? Link to post Share on other sites
AVR1962 Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I am in the same situation, however slightly different terms. Husband snores real bad, had a mouth piece fitted to keep him from snoring, was tested for sleep apnea and does have a slight case of it but didn't want to use the breathing machine. I found myself not sleeping at night and continually going up to the spare room to sleep. He caught a cold that went into another cold and could not breath with the mouth piece so he started sleeping in the spare room and has never came back since. He never was the type to come to me for anykind of sexual needs in the first place, said he hated rejection. Hum? In 23 years of us being together I think perhaps he's come to be a dozen times, rejection? I have really had my feelings hurt in more than one way. I know the man loves sex but he expects me to go to him and if I don't I am blamed. I finally stopped 3 years ago and in that time he has come to me once. I just figure it is not important to him and he has made his choices. The last little bit of closeness we had by sleeping in the same bed is now gone too. Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 It was certainly one of the factors that signaled the demise of my first marriage. My then-wife had slowly started crowding me out of the main bedroom in a previous houses, but when we moved to a new house she made it clear that she considered the master bedroom hers, and put the boxes with my clothes and other effects in the "guest" bedroom, and my bathroom effects in the family bathroom and hers in the en suite. We had up to then been sharing a bed in the previous house although more or less sexlessly and we slept on opposite ends of the bed anyway. So in the new house it seemed natural that I would move into the the "guest" room. When we had guests to stay over I would be allowed to sleep in "her" room and would pack a day bag with my clothes etc which I'd keep on the floor in "her" room so as not to disturb the guests. At the time it seemed normal although not what I would equate with married life as I'd hoped for but looking back it does seem rather sad. So yes now I would consider that a deal-breaker because I've seen where it ends up. Link to post Share on other sites
wellwhynot Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I think in a marriage sleeping together in the same bed would be a requirement for me. Now... individual bathrooms? THAT seems like a great idea. I would be hurt if my spouse didn't want to share a bed, and I really think it's often a red flag that there is a serious problem somewhere in the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 i cant wait to get married, and have someone to cuddle with while falling asleep. i hate sleeping alone. so yes deal-breaker. but if you are in this situation, you should both take it seriously and work on it, and bring back the other person into the bed slowly, or it might just get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 OP, is this a change in behavior and perspective unconnected to any other relevant marital issue? IOW, 'out of the blue'? If so, I'd do some digging. Men don't go off sex and the marital bed for no reason, IME. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frootloop Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Yeah, if this just came out of the blue, I would ask some questions about it. We don't usually sleep in the same bed in my house, but that's because my husband snores, honks, wheezes, etc. all night long and I am an insomniac. My grandparents also didn't share a bedroom and they were happily married their entire lives. It was a snoring issue for them too, but in their case SHE was the awful snorer. I would just ask questions to make sure about what's going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 It would be the reasons why that would be a major factor for me. My parents didn't spend sleep in the same room at times while growing up and it was due to fighting between them. Unless it was due to medical reasons, it would be a major concern for me. I wouldn't want to be in a marriage where there is no sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted May 27, 2012 Author Share Posted May 27, 2012 I already plan to sleep in separate rooms if I marry. I have no desire to sleep with my future wife. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 How many women would consider it a deal-breaker and grounds for divorce if one day her husband didn't want to sleep with her anymore? Not only not have sex anymore but not even sleep in the same room anymore. What if the husband just said "I have no desire to sleep in the same room with you anymore. I want us to sleep in separate rooms. I will sleep in the guest room. You can have the master bedroom"?? If I'm in a marriage, I expect my partner to communicate with me about the good, bad, ugly and indifferent. If he decides he does not want to sleep with me anymore and it is a declaration, that he doesn't even expound on....we have a HUGE problem! My response, outside of hurt and confusion, would be to try to get to the bottom of this. Why aren't we communicating is the most important question? Why am I shut out and unaware of what is going on with you? Are you okay? Why am I being blindsided? A couple can have ANY arrangement they want in their marriage...so long as they communicate with each other and it's a mutual decision. When people make autonomous decisions that affect the other or alienates the other is when there is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Sleeping in different rooms isn't the problem. It's not having sex any more that is the problem. I couldn't sleep with someone who snored. Link to post Share on other sites
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