ch47wife Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Well, I'm happy to report that we were able to 'talk'. What actually happened was that we started to talk (I stayed calm and collected with no anger or elevated emotions), then he started to get defensive and pissy. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't trying to attack him or accuse him, that it was both of our faults. He kept getting more defensive, so I told him that we'd just pick it back up later when I was better able to articulate my thoughts, and when he was more calm. He went to bed. I started having a nagging question in my head that I knew wouldn't go away until I said it. I went in there, and asked him. We were able to talk a little bit more about everything, and this time we were both more relaxed! I was able to say all of my main points that I wanted to, which was awesome! He was able to sleep on it, which helped a lot. It actually got through to him! He's been trying a lot harder lately, and being very respectful again! I'm still on my toes because I don't know if this is another (change for a little bit, then back to the way it was) situation like all the rest. I think he's actually starting to realize how distant HE'S been lately. We went out to get stuff for our son's birthday party the other day. I was telling him about stuff (stuff I've already tried to discuss a few times over with him) in a 'remember' manner, and he couldn't recall barely any of it. I could actually see it in his face that he was realizing how much stuff he'd been missing lately. This is including everything from his son doing new stuff, to everything I've been trying to even just talk with him about. So, we'll see how the next couple of weeks go. Fingers crossed! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki82 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I'm so happy to hear a bit of happy news from you about this! I hope too, that he is truly realizing and working on this... do expect some slip ups though, but help him through. Work together as a team. I'm very glad you were able to stay as logical as possible and leave the emotions on the back burner for a bit. Sometimes it really helps to get the message out there. As soon as you see him slip back into old ways or speak to you rudely, calmly and concisely remind him about what you two are trying to work towards (your last talk). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki82 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 And happy birthday to your son! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ch47wife Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Thank you sweety!!! I was just thinking to, 'what am I supposed to do when he f's up? Do I let it slip and give him the look? Do I say something at the risk of sounding like a b*%$@? Do I let it go and never say anything, at the risk of him taking that as a cue that it's acceptable?' Link to post Share on other sites
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Keep things light. You've had the foundational talk already. Now it's just reminders. Another heavy talk if need be. You're basically trying to train him. Speaking from an emotionally neutral position is important. Sounds like you're doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
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