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New marriage, boundaries with ex wife


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Old 29th October 2011, 4:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy New marriage, boundaries with ex wife

I am newly married and experiencing much conflict due to his ex wife and need to set boundaries. She is around every day and is nice, but she asks me to watch their son on her scheduled visitation. I want to accommodate but don't want it to be taken advAntage of. As it is she only has 40% custody. Yesterday she asked me to watch him for her, I said ok, but only for an hour and a half, as I had plans with my own children that would have conflicted. She dropped son off then made other plans for him to be watched by a neighbor without ever communicating this to me. I postpOned my own plans by two hours for her. I am frustrated and keep taking this frustration out on my new husband. How do I not be taken advantage of? Btw my new husband and i have three boys between us, I have sole custody. So we rarely get time without kids. She has a new bf and I suspect that's why she needed the free time in the first place.
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Old 30th October 2011, 4:34 PM   #2
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Hi Desertflower,

Welcome to LS. Talk to her. Ask when she expects to need your services and make sure she gives you a day and a time. Then hold her to it by telling her that it's important she sticks to the schedule so that you're not late for your appointments. When she brings the child, remind her of the time she's picking him up as she leaves. Do not smile when you remind her. People have a way of reading your body language while listening to you.

If she does it aging, ask your H to tell her off. For now, avoid getting into an argument with her. She can turn it into a "you hate my child" farce.
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Old 30th October 2011, 4:45 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Desertflower2011 View Post
I am newly married and experiencing much conflict due to his ex wife and need to set boundaries. She is around every day and is nice, but she asks me to watch their son on her scheduled visitation. I want to accommodate but don't want it to be taken advAntage of. As it is she only has 40% custody. Yesterday she asked me to watch him for her, I said ok, but only for an hour and a half, as I had plans with my own children that would have conflicted. She dropped son off then made other plans for him to be watched by a neighbor without ever communicating this to me. I postpOned my own plans by two hours for her. I am frustrated and keep taking this frustration out on my new husband. How do I not be taken advantage of? Btw my new husband and i have three boys between us, I have sole custody. So we rarely get time without kids. She has a new bf and I suspect that's why she needed the free time in the first place.
You have to talk to your husband about this. Let him know that his ex is being slightly inconsiderate, asking you to take their child and then changing the plans without letting you know. That's just rude and something that has to change. With his input, the two of you can figure this out and maybe it's best both of you talk to his ex.
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