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Reuben Kinkaid

I'm sure threads like this have been posted ad nauseum so forgive me for piling on.

 

In a nutshell, I believe I'm going insane.

 

Wife and I have been married for 13 years and known each other 15. We have two kids (11 and 8). We both work from home though opposite hours. The last year has been the most difficult of our relationship and we sought counseling for the first time in January. We stopped attending in March after my wife lost interest and things began turning around for us. I do most of the housework as I am a neat freak and she is not. I am 39, she is 42.

 

My wife was diagnosed with a chronic disease about 18 months ago and was undiagnosed for about a year prior to that. The disease is not terminal and she maintains a mostly normal life despite daily medication. Certainly, when the disease flares up it can be quite uncomfortable, irritable and drains her of all energy. I mention this disease only because when it first happened is when things began to take a turn for the worse in our marriage. We both began to retract from each other in fairly significant ways.

 

Even before it was diagnosed, I was my wife's caregiver when the disease would flare up. I'd make pharmacy runs, bathe her, get anything she needed while still doing the same things at work and around the house. But when she first became ill I sought the company of a female colleague for friendship, companionship. My wife knew the woman and our families became friends. My wife also knew the extent of our relationship and we never had a discussion that I would fear revealing to my wife.

 

While our relationship was entirely platonic - NOTHING EVER HAPPENED - our marriage counselor noted it probably took the place of the companionship I lacked at home. I should note, the female colleague and I have only limited, professional contact now as we've both moved on professionally and otherwise.

 

Similarly, at this time my wife sought consolation from a married male colleague, though did so mostly without my knowledge. I only found out later when things got fishy. The extent of their relationship was not physical, but involved flirting, suggestive discussions and intimate details about his marriage and ours. To my knowledge, they no longer speak.

 

My wife has recently had a flare up of her disease and, additionally, was promoted at work. Unfortunately, this promotion has odd hours - up at 3:30 a.m. everyday - EVERYDAY. The combination has understandably knocked her out. When she finishes work for the day, around 10 a.m. or 11 a.m. she sleeps for a couple hours until the kids return from school and then is up until after dinner before she sleeps for the night. I've slept on the couch since July.

 

This is the first real hurdle we've faced since we stopped counseling and I'd hate if history repeats itself. I've been cognizant to avoid similar mistakes I made before. And I believe my wife is simply so exhausted she can't commit the same mistakes.

 

But the lack of companionship, intimacy and even friendship is killing me. When the illness flares, my wife doesn't want to be touched, she's so tired and she's cranky all the time. And this job means we hardly ever talk and it just sucks. Of course, I'm horny but the schedule and the kids and the work means I don't even have time to jerk it anymore. I'm lucky if I get a minute in the shower to myself. I know this is ridiculous - my wife is ill for chrissakes and the only thing I can think about is my dick. I know, I'm an *******. I've always known this.

 

But seriously, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I often think if one woman, any woman so much as made a pass at me the entire house of cards would crumble. Quickly. It scares me, but part of me would love it. I'd like to feel wanted again. I know, I'm a douche bag.

 

It's taken its toll with work, too. I lack confidence, lack enthusiasm, can't concentrate. I simply don't ****ing care anymore. Not to mention, I'm a bear at home sometimes, which is not very sexy. Just ****ing miserable and more than happy when my kids (and wife) are asleep for the night.

 

And no, I'm not scanning for porn every night online. Every night is the same - watch sports, read, fall asleep. I wish it was as exciting as looking for porn, but it's not.

 

So yes, my wife is sick and all I can think about is getting my dick sucked. I'm an *******. But seriously, I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I've mulled over separation, but I dunno. That doesn't seem much better. I'll probably just wait it out and hope things turn around.

 

I know, I know, I know. I should discuss it all with my wife and in an ideal world that's what I would do. But she really doesn't need another ****ing burden knowing her immature husband is feeling a little lonely. Give me a ****ing break.

 

I know this was rambling and I don't expect many to read it all the way through. Just had to get it off my chest. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

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your wife has a chronic condition and you have become her caregiver ( when required), and due to her illness, work, kids, etc, there is little time for intimacy of any kind, let alone sex and you are getting frustrated and upset and worried about your ability to keep going the way things are?

 

Do I have that right?

 

 

some advice....

 

being a caregiver can be very hard and emotionally draining. often, caregivers, even if the care giving is only in a limited capacity , can also be very isolating. Many people in this situation find it very difficult to talk about how they feel as it can make one feel like a heel for complaining when they are not the ones who are sick. This is really common, and you are not alone ( i facilitate a group for parents of "special needs kids", and while it's a different situation, the feelings can be very similar). but it's totally okay to feel that you need some "care" too...you need time for yourself and to do some nice things for you...my advice would be to talk to your wife about this and see how she feels...you may find out that she is worried about you and would like to help find ways for you to find some time for yourself to "recharge" your batteries. your needs are important too.

 

Does your wife also take any meds. that may make her feel tired or just plain drained? i have a chronic condition myself, and while most of the time i'm fine, when it flares up the only pain med. that works anymore is morphine, which makes me feel pretty out of it and i am sure that is not fun for my husband.

 

It also sounds like you are both working some pretty long hours. Is there any way that the two of you could cut back a little bit, or are things just too "tight"? again, talking with your wife about this may help you both find a solution that works for you.

 

Whatever happens, i hope you are both able to find a solution that works for both of you and gives you back some of the intimacy you are missing. with both of you working long hours, and the kids, etc. intimacy can be hard to come by... through a chronic health condition in there, and it's even harder. The best advice I can offer you is to talk to your wife about how you are feeling, and try and work together to get back what you feel is missing in your marriage.

 

best of luck to you both:)

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Reuben Kinkaid
your wife has a chronic condition and you have become her caregiver ( when required), and due to her illness, work, kids, etc, there is little time for intimacy of any kind, let alone sex and you are getting frustrated and upset and worried about your ability to keep going the way things are?

 

Do I have that right?

 

 

some advice....

 

being a caregiver can be very hard and emotionally draining. often, caregivers, even if the care giving is only in a limited capacity , can also be very isolating. Many people in this situation find it very difficult to talk about how they feel as it can make one feel like a heel for complaining when they are not the ones who are sick. This is really common, and you are not alone ( i facilitate a group for parents of "special needs kids", and while it's a different situation, the feelings can be very similar). but it's totally okay to feel that you need some "care" too...you need time for yourself and to do some nice things for you...my advice would be to talk to your wife about this and see how she feels...you may find out that she is worried about you and would like to help find ways for you to find some time for yourself to "recharge" your batteries. your needs are important too.

 

Does your wife also take any meds. that may make her feel tired or just plain drained? i have a chronic condition myself, and while most of the time i'm fine, when it flares up the only pain med. that works anymore is morphine, which makes me feel pretty out of it and i am sure that is not fun for my husband.

 

It also sounds like you are both working some pretty long hours. Is there any way that the two of you could cut back a little bit, or are things just too "tight"? again, talking with your wife about this may help you both find a solution that works for you.

 

Whatever happens, i hope you are both able to find a solution that works for both of you and gives you back some of the intimacy you are missing. with both of you working long hours, and the kids, etc. intimacy can be hard to come by... through a chronic health condition in there, and it's even harder. The best advice I can offer you is to talk to your wife about how you are feeling, and try and work together to get back what you feel is missing in your marriage.

 

best of luck to you both:)

 

Thank you for your response. Yes, you have it right pretty much. Very frustrated, very worried and all of the above.

 

I believe she's worried about me as I tend to keep to myself and be grouchy when I haven't gotten any in awhile. Which is certainly how I've been for the last month. I can go a month without freaking out. But after that, all bets are off.

 

Part of it is we're both so scared of the other, of initiating any kind of intimacy, we're both frozen. I'm too scared to mention it as she's sick and doesn't need the burden. She's too scared because she (I believe) doesn't feel physically up for intimacy, companionship.

 

She's on heavier than usual medication temporarily and I understand that may zap her libido, energy and who knows what else. It's temporary as the increased dosage is only needed in a flare up.

 

I'm trying - really trying - to understand that.

 

I don't know if she understands what actually "re-charges my batteries." It was discussed in counseling - that I'm a sex-crazed pervert who equates sex with love, confidence, security etc. Though we went over it a lot, and our sex life improved briefly I don't know how much she actually believes. I think she also suspects I'm jerking off every night even though I'm not. Yes, I know there's a lot we're not discussing.

 

Her work schedule is a killer. I don't mind sleeping on the couch once or twice in a row. But it's been since July. And she keeps saying "one more month" and then it will be normal hours. At this point I'm not holding my breath. And she honestly has not had a single day off, not one, since she accepted this promotion. Generally speaking, it seems okay as her days are mostly free. But she's so drained from the schedule, the pressure and the illness...It's not exactly fun free time. My work schedule is pretty normal and since I work for myself, any pressure I feel is self-inflicted.

 

An episode that recently cropped up: A couple weeks ago an attractive, single and outgoing friend of my wife's came over for lunch with us. My wife and her have been friends since high school and she comes over frequently. Anyway, this woman said something very sexually suggestive to me when my wife stepped out for a moment. I was a bit shocked - it was very suggestive. But I blew it off, almost acting like I hadn't heard it and made no mention of it ever. In theory, I should have jumped at it, you know, because I'm a horny *******. But I didn't. And the episode ended up just pissing me off later. Like "How could she say something like that to me? Doesn't she know I'M DYING FOR IT? She can't joke around like that." So yeah, it pissed me off. I mean, if I were to cheat on my wife it sure as hell wouldn't be with her best friend from high school. I may be horny, but I'm not stupid. Not yet at least.

 

Anyways, I'm rambling again.

 

Thanks for your input.

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Her work schedule is a killer. I don't mind sleeping on the couch once or twice in a row. But it's been since July. And she keeps saying "one more month" and then it will be normal hours. At this point I'm not holding my breath. And she honestly has not had a single day off, not one, since she accepted this promotion. Generally speaking, it seems okay as her days are mostly free. But she's so drained from the schedule, the pressure and the illness...It's not exactly fun free time. My work schedule is pretty normal and since I work for myself, any pressure I feel is self-inflicted.

 

It sounds like she simply does not have the health and energy to hold this job AND be a reasonably involved wife (what about parenting? is she able to spend time with the kids?)

 

If she had to choose: the job/promotion or her marriage/family--which would she choose? So far, she's chosen her job. Was that a concious choice, reflecting her true desires? I'd have a conversation about that.

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Reuben Kinkaid
It sounds like she simply does not have the health and energy to hold this job AND be a reasonably involved wife (what about parenting? is she able to spend time with the kids?)

 

If she had to choose: the job/promotion or her marriage/family--which would she choose? So far, she's chosen her job. Was that a concious choice, reflecting her true desires? I'd have a conversation about that.

 

I know. She says "Family first blah blah blah." But whenever I bring it up - and I have often through our marriage - she always says she works long hours "for the family." And then she gets pissy.

 

I work, too. But I rarely put in the hours she does. Maybe it's my lack of motivation or her over eagerness, but something doesn't add up. Our marriage counselor said ours was typical - one spouse filling in the gaps left by the other and vice versa.

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

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Reuben Kinkaid
It sounds like she simply does not have the health and energy to hold this job AND be a reasonably involved wife (what about parenting? is she able to spend time with the kids?)

 

If she had to choose: the job/promotion or her marriage/family--which would she choose? So far, she's chosen her job. Was that a concious choice, reflecting her true desires? I'd have a conversation about that.

 

I'd say our time parenting is pretty equal. She may disagree, but it certainly feels equal. As we have two girls, there are some things they can only reasonably do with her. But aside from that, it's equal.

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I've mulled over separation, but I dunno. That doesn't seem much better. I'll probably just wait it out and hope things turn around.

 

 

I think seperation might be best. I know you care about yoiur wife but sometimes you gotta think about your own life and where your headed. She doesn't own you. I think you need to start worrying about yourself and your needs and not hers so much. (I hate to say that but its the truth.

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Reuben Kinkaid
I think seperation might be best. I know you care about yoiur wife but sometimes you gotta think about your own life and where your headed. She doesn't own you. I think you need to start worrying about yourself and your needs and not hers so much. (I hate to say that but its the truth.

 

Well, it's not quite so easy and not necessarily true, Osiris.

 

There are kids, investments, properties, pets, cars etc. and not to mention our own history and the fact I still love her. That's part of maturing - you can think about yourself and your needs, but you also have to consider the bigger picture and the consequences of your actions. Certainly there's a breaking point where my needs must be met to avoid divorce and separation, but I don't believe I'm there yet.

 

Thanks for your input.

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a couple more questions for you (then i'll leave you alone:D)

 

(a) have you told your wife that , to you, sex is a way to achieve emotional intimacy with her, and that part of the reason you want sex with her is that you love her and want to feel connected with her- from what i understand, many men feel this way, so you are not alone

 

(b) you indicated that the two of you have been in counseling together, but it doesn`t sound as if it`s made that much of a difference. have you tried a different counselor

 

© i know your wife has health issues, and there`s work, the kids, the house, etc., etc., etc. - but your marriage should be top priority. in my humble opinion, your wife may want to consider cutting back on her work hours if at all possible- in the end, her marriage is more important than having some extra funds- it would also give her more time to rest whehn she`s not well and to be with her kids

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I know. She says "Family first blah blah blah." But whenever I bring it up - and I have often through our marriage - she always says she works long hours "for the family." And then she gets pissy.

 

So she gets pissy. You are pissy, too. Keep pressing through, and tell her exactly how you feel!

 

If she finds the energy to do this demanding job, and to parent her share, it isn't exactly true that she "can't" handle the pressure of your needs. She prioritizes other things.

 

You are nearing the breaking point, and you need to make that very clear. You need to tell her this, pretty much word for word:

 

But seriously, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I often think if one woman, any woman so much as made a pass at me the entire house of cards would crumble. Quickly. It scares me, but part of me would love it. I'd like to feel wanted again.

 

Shake her up a little bit and force her to recognize that her priorities are all out of whack! Emphasize that what you want is her, her, her---not another woman. But you are dying on the vine, nonetheless, and you need more of her time and attention.

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Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

Frozensprouts stopped short of where I thought that post was going --- namely, I have to believe there are caregiver support groups out there that could be a useful sounding board for you. You're definitely not alone, and it may be worth looking into what your local resources might be. I just googled it and came up with http://www.caregiver.com. You might check that out.

 

I also think your wife's job is a big part of the problem. Is this the only job she could ever have or do? What are her options, that would restore more of a normal schedule, and allow her to properly take care of herself given her chronic condition? Why do you think she gets defensive when you broach the topic of her job? Why does she not seem truly eager to "get back to a normal" schedule - does she not see it as part of the problem?

 

Finally I agree with xxoo that at some point you may need to lay your cards on the table... to let her know the real toll this is taking on you. Maybe that needs to come before you try to seriously discuss her job options.

 

Good luck!

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Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

Frozensprouts stopped short of where I thought that post was going --- namely, I have to believe there are caregiver support groups out there that could be a useful sounding board for you. You're definitely not alone, and it may be worth looking into what your local resources might be. I just googled it and came up with www.caregiver.com. You might check that out.

 

 

this is an excellent point that i missed. being able to talk to other people who are in similar situation and know what you are going through is wonderful. it is nice to know you are not alone in how you are feeling, and you may learn some things and get some ideas that will really help.

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Do you recall saying something along the lines of "for better or for worse" and "forsaking all others". I know, I know... it's a fast food world out there now. Who cares what one promises...

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Reuben Kinkaid
a couple more questions for you (then i'll leave you alone:D)

 

(a) have you told your wife that , to you, sex is a way to achieve emotional intimacy with her, and that part of the reason you want sex with her is that you love her and want to feel connected with her- from what i understand, many men feel this way, so you are not alone

 

(b) you indicated that the two of you have been in counseling together, but it doesn`t sound as if it`s made that much of a difference. have you tried a different counselor

 

© i know your wife has health issues, and there`s work, the kids, the house, etc., etc., etc. - but your marriage should be top priority. in my humble opinion, your wife may want to consider cutting back on her work hours if at all possible- in the end, her marriage is more important than having some extra funds- it would also give her more time to rest whehn she`s not well and to be with her kids

 

A.1. My need for sex and how I equate it to love was discussed thoroughly in counseling. Only within the last 10 years have I realized I am the horniest man in America. My wife has had some difficulty accepting this.

 

B.1. When we went to counseling, the **** had officially hit the fan - I'd just discovered a long line of flirty/suggestive correspondence between her and a co-worker. My wife was on the defensive with the counselor and felt the counselor chose sides, something I disagree with. After a handful of dual meetings, the counselor asked for an individual visit with each of us. I went to mine, my wife skipped hers and we never rescheduled. That was the end of our counseling. For now. But at that point, things had turned around some and we were doing better. I thought the counselor was very good, she was actually a sex therapist who specializes in couples therapy. Or something like that.

 

C.1. When she accepted the promotion, she knew the schedule would be off the wall temporarily. She always talks about how she wants to cut back on work, how she wants to tell her higher ups off, how she wants to change careers. In the past, she's simply looked for another employer or just quit and taken a month or two off. But I think she likes the pressure to some degree, the money is good and working from home is great. Plus who wants to be looking for a job in this economy? I keep hearing the crazy schedule is just about over and her bosses are promising some serious vacation time or increased pay...But I've kind of been hearing this since July, so who knows?

 

Thanks again!

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So she gets pissy. You are pissy, too. Keep pressing through, and tell her exactly how you feel!

 

If she finds the energy to do this demanding job, and to parent her share, it isn't exactly true that she "can't" handle the pressure of your needs. She prioritizes other things.

 

You are nearing the breaking point, and you need to make that very clear. You need to tell her this, pretty much word for word:

 

But seriously, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I often think if one woman, any woman so much as made a pass at me the entire house of cards would crumble. Quickly. It scares me, but part of me would love it. I'd like to feel wanted again.

 

Shake her up a little bit and force her to recognize that her priorities are all out of whack! Emphasize that what you want is her, her, her---not another woman. But you are dying on the vine, nonetheless, and you need more of her time and attention.

 

True, true true. You're onto something. I guess I'd like to see her get better, for this illness to subside some - the doctor says the heavy dosages should get everything back to normal within a week or so. At that point I'll feel more comfortable discussing these issues with her.

 

As for emphasizing that I want her, her, her. I do, but not this "her." You know what I mean? If she's going to be like this (lowering our marriage as a priority) till death do us part...I dunno. I want to stick it through, I really do. But sometimes I just scratch my head. Life is really ****ing long. And that's if you're lucky.

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Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

Frozensprouts stopped short of where I thought that post was going --- namely, I have to believe there are caregiver support groups out there that could be a useful sounding board for you. You're definitely not alone, and it may be worth looking into what your local resources might be. I just googled it and came up with http://www.caregiver.com. You might check that out.

 

I also think your wife's job is a big part of the problem. Is this the only job she could ever have or do? What are her options, that would restore more of a normal schedule, and allow her to properly take care of herself given her chronic condition? Why do you think she gets defensive when you broach the topic of her job? Why does she not seem truly eager to "get back to a normal" schedule - does she not see it as part of the problem?

 

Finally I agree with xxoo that at some point you may need to lay your cards on the table... to let her know the real toll this is taking on you. Maybe that needs to come before you try to seriously discuss her job options.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks. I will check that out. I'd like her to attend a group discussion for people with her condition, also. I think she would really benefit from meeting other people going through the exact same things.

 

As for her job, since she just took this promotion she's not eager to rock the boat too much. Plus her bosses keep saying the schedule is temporary. In this economy, I believe the bosses know they can string their employees along a little more than usual.

 

I'm confident we will get back to normal, it's just these low points suck.

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Do you recall saying something along the lines of "for better or for worse" and "forsaking all others". I know, I know... it's a fast food world out there now. Who cares what one promises...

 

Yes. I haven't cheated. So what's your point? That I shouldn't acknowledge I'm frustrated? That I should deny thoughts of separation haven't crossed my mind?

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Yes. I haven't cheated. So what's your point? That I shouldn't acknowledge I'm frustrated? That I should deny thoughts of separation haven't crossed my mind?

 

Not at all, it would be terribly frustrating for anyone. My point is, what are you doing to fix it?

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Not at all, it would be terribly frustrating for anyone. My point is, what are you doing to fix it?

 

At this point, stay the course. Hope her disease subsides as it should and provide the care she needs. Hope her bosses mean it when they say the upside down schedule is temporary.

 

We'll see how long I keep bitching. :)

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Reuben Kinkaid

Yes, a lot of this came out during our marriage counseling sessions. I'd be more willing to bring it up now but really my main concern is that she's healthy and normal again. She's the type to internalize stress more so than is reasonable. For instance, if one of our kids throws and tantrum and freaks out at her, my wife will take it entirely to heart. Whereas I blow it off as a kid flipping out and don't take it personally. Likewise, if I say I'm lonely or something she will take it very personally and feel great guilt, etc. She doesn't need anymore stress right now, so I'm trying to ride it out.

 

Thanks for your input!

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. She doesn't need anymore stress right now, so I'm trying to ride it out.

 

Thanks for your input!

 

Your motives are in the right place. But if riding it out results in you growing resentful of her, and then having an affair (and your OP sounded in places like you feel very tempted), you will only add to her stress considerably.

 

Often we need to cause some short term discomfort in order to avoid causing longterm pain.

 

It's ok for her to feel some guilt. Have confidence that you can support her through it, and solve your problems together.

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Yes, a lot of this came out during our marriage counseling sessions. I'd be more willing to bring it up now but really my main concern is that she's healthy and normal again. She's the type to internalize stress more so than is reasonable. For instance, if one of our kids throws and tantrum and freaks out at her, my wife will take it entirely to heart. Whereas I blow it off as a kid flipping out and don't take it personally. Likewise, if I say I'm lonely or something she will take it very personally and feel great guilt, etc. She doesn't need anymore stress right now, so I'm trying to ride it out.

 

Thanks for your input!

 

it's really great that you are thinking of your wife first, but what about YOU? You are under a lot of stress too and you need to also look after yourself too, because, unless you do, you won't be able to be there for your wife when she needs you.

 

I know it's not the same situation, but i do know how draining being a caregiver can be. I have three kids, and two of them have autism ( one also has fibromyalgia) and need a lot of extra care, above and beyond what "normal" kids require. Sometimes I feel like I have just given so much and there's nothing left, I get frustrated and then I feel guilty for feeling bad because it's not their fault and that didn't ask to need all the extra care. I spent a long time feeling like crap about myself because i felt that way, but after talking to other parents, i learned that how i felt was really common and that it's okay to be frustrated. Like I said before, it's so nice to know that one is not alone in their feelings.

 

Finding a support group gives you a "safe" place to talk with others who know just how you feel.

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it's really great that you are thinking of your wife first, but what about YOU? You are under a lot of stress too and you need to also look after yourself too, because, unless you do, you won't be able to be there for your wife when she needs you.

 

I know it's not the same situation, but i do know how draining being a caregiver can be.

 

 

Thank you for all your input. There is something I should have explained better or gotten out of the way sooner.

 

I don't consider myself a caregiver. I believe calling me a caregiver elevates what I do for my wife and sullies those who truly do give care.

 

Certainly, there are times I may be a caregiver, just like she's been my caregiver following minor surgical procedures. But generally speaking, I am her husband who genuinely helps her when I can. Her ailment is not terminal, or terribly life-altering. For months and even years she is perfectly normal as long as she takes her medications and eats a good diet. There are spells when her ailment acts up where she is weaker, lethargic, cranky and does not feel well - and she's going through that now. This is the second time since she was diagnosed 18 months ago where her ailment has acted up. Hopefully, because we know more now, it will not last so long and she'll bounce back more quickly.

 

As for the care I am giving - I make the bed so she can rest easily, pick up a little more housework than usual. Run to the pharmacy as needed and buy specific things she needs at the grocery. And sleep on the couch. There have been times where it's gone beyond that, where I've bathed her, where I've lifted her and placed her in a wheelchair temporarily, where I've cleaned the bathroom after she's gotten sick, but they are very short lived and definitely not the norm.

 

Thank you for considering me a "caregiver," but I really believe that's overstating what I do. I would hope the things I do are simply viewed as being a caring spouse. And I'm not trying to play martyr, I just don't believe caregiver is the correct word to describe what I'm doing.

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Reuben Kinkaid
But if riding it out results in you growing resentful of her, and then having an affair (and your OP sounded in places like you feel very tempted), you will only add to her stress considerably.

 

I do feel tempted and that adds to my stress, but I honestly think if I was ever going to cheat, I would have done it by now. The opportunities have been there, but I tend to run for cover when I see those opportunities. Which further frustrates me, but it's what I do. Out of fear perhaps? I dunno. I sometimes have no idea why I haven't. Isn't that lovely of me? I actually sometimes get jealous of those who have.

 

I swear, I'm a freak sometimes. It makes no sense.

 

Anyways, I'm still determined to ride this out. Hopefully, her illness will subside soon with the increased medications and she sent an e-mail to her boss today saying the hours and no days off are killing her. I told her "ABOUT ****ING TIME."

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