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Do most married women feel like they settled?


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I have been reading some threads on here and one guy said a friend said 80% of women feel like the settled. Is this true and if so why should a man even try pleasing a woman if she will just end up thinking he doesn't measure up somehow?

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Woggle!!! Seriously? :rolleyes:

 

Can't you find something more productive (and positive) to do with your time than reading LS doom and gloom threads written mostly by sad and disillusioned men?

 

Tell me, do most married men feel like they settled?

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Can only speak for myself, but I feel like the luckiest woman in the world when I am in my husband's arms :love:

 

I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met him, so "settling" was never a consideration. I stuck with him because I wanted him.

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Now that would make for an awful lot of unsatisfied, miserable relationships! I've always said that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person! I surely hope that's not the case.

 

 

I have been reading some threads on here and one guy said a friend said 80% of women feel like the settled. Is this true and if so why should a man even try pleasing a woman if she will just end up thinking he doesn't measure up somehow?
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I think at some point in a committed R we all "settle" to some degree

 

Only those who aren't desirable enough to get together with someone they truly desire.

 

After more than 5 years I still feel a spark when my husband walks in to the room :love:

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While married, I never felt like I had settled. Now that it is over, I would feel like I had settled if I stayed for the wrong reasons, and there are no "right" reasons left to stay.

 

Sure, there were lots of problems over the years, and lots of unhappiness, but I think we are active participants in our own lives.

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Richard Friedman

They'yre not gonna admit that man, even on an internet forum. Ever heard the term ego investment? My observation is that when they're young most women try to snare the top 10% of guys. These guys have options hand over fist and many have flings left and right. However, very few of the girls who bone these guys can tie them down. Most end up settling for a much safer, less exciting guy. The idea that because a woman marries a guy, he is the best one for her is a fairytale.

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There is some pressure on women to get married and start families, I could see that women who are getting older in age may "settle" for one reason or another.

 

I was one of the those women who *almost* settled, I almost married my pathological liar ex boyfriend. Thank goodness I came to my senses! But if I hadn't, I would be one of those women. Mostly because of my own issues, with self esteem and low self worth. I think those are the type of women who "settle" for less then they deserve.

 

So while I most certainly didn't settle for my husband, I almost settled for my ex boyfriend..it's a very easy thing to do.

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If I ever find a woman to marry again, I can tell you damn well if she tries to pull that "Oh ive gone past that im ready to settle down" garbagethen her ass is out the door in that second.

 

 

 

Also refering to richard friedman.

 

What I think he means is that girls want to have their "FUN" while young (IE-Running around drinking and having sex and partying,etc)

 

Then when they finally have all their "FUN"they start looking for a guy to settle with who can provide financial security because the other guy cant hold a job,etc.

Edited by Osiris1234
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The idea that because a woman marries a guy, he is the best one for her is a fairytale.

 

I think I'd take a different avenue with that one ... that when a woman marries a guy he is the best one for her fairy tale. Meaning, at that point, she realizes that he's everything she has ever wanted and there's a certain idealization about their relationship.

 

then 6-7 years after they tie the knot, and then again around the 15-year anniversary mark, you have a realization that there *is* no such thing as the fairy tale, just real life slapping you upside the head and you've got to choose whether you want to continue to make that leap of faith with this man, or whether you just make a clean cut and leave. Most of us realize that the perfect partner doesn't exist and trust in the future that the love we have for that guy will get us past those periods where we think to ourselves, "oh, this is a huge mistake, and I'm settling for something I'm pretty sure I don't want."

 

honestly? It happens to everyone, and it seems to be cyclical. The key to not driving yourself (or your partner) nuts is to remind yourself to look at the greater picture, not at what annoys you at that moment. Unless it's so monumentally big that you can't get past it, like cheating or abuse or any other situation that seriously undermines the trust that the relationship is built on ...

Edited by quankanne
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They'yre not gonna admit that man, even on an internet forum. Ever heard the term ego investment? My observation is that when they're young most women try to snare the top 10% of guys. These guys have options hand over fist and many have flings left and right. However, very few of the girls who bone these guys can tie them down. Most end up settling for a much safer, less exciting guy. The idea that because a woman marries a guy, he is the best one for her is a fairytale.

No denial here :)

 

I think my X is a great catch, and an amazing guy. I hope that he doesn't "settle" in his next relationship because he should set his targets pretty high.

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I think it is part of the relationship cycle to have doubts but can't say that I sit down and think whether I have in fact 'settled' for my Hubby.

 

The fact that I look for my Hubby to come home is evidence enough of this. It's like a little ache that gets satisfied when he is near.

 

But I am not one to consider something such as 'settling'. I think this is offensive to ones partner. I would rather set him free so he could find someone to fully love him rather than to stay with him because of some idea that I would not be able to get someone else.

 

That would be horrible! Who could actually pull that off?

 

Take care,

Eve x

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I have been reading some threads on here and one guy said a friend said 80% of women feel like the settled. Is this true and if so why should a man even try pleasing a woman if she will just end up thinking he doesn't measure up somehow?

 

This figure seems hard to believe. I don't know much about women but a couple of consistent impressions I've had is that they are very active choosers of their life partners and they (women) are very in tune with finding THE BEST man. Notice how the happily married LS women describe their husbands -- practically perfect physically and emotionally, certainly exceeding how any regular human being would objectively be described. They are the best. For 80% to think they settled would have to mean that maybe one or two check boxes on the quality requirement laundry list aren't checked -- and I think even when that's the case, most women will block that out of their minds and still defend their husbands as the best.

 

Guys, on the other hand, can be much more pragmatic about relationships and maybe we have more of a tendency to just go with the flow. If that's true, I wonder if we're more susceptible to the I-was-never-in-love-with-her type settling.

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If you really were interested in learning, you might ASK married women if THEY feel that they've settled.

 

Asking if "most" married women feel this way, you are guaranteed to get the very answers you are counting on - your fellow gynophobic guys here to pipe in with stuff like,

 

"Why, yes, certainly, my man Woggle. I have read a study on http://www.womenmakemecrapinmydrawers.com that states that more than 80% of married women believe that they have 'settled.' "

 

You are probably just looking for "proof" of the loathsome opinions you have about women rather than any information.

 

Right?

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No woman is going to admit they settled. I know I always settle for women. Its a bad habit of mine to settle for the woman who pursues me the hardest, instead of going after the one who i want the most. Even now I feel I settled for my wife. I could have done alot better. I even ditched much better women for her.

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i don't feel like i "settled". I'm very happy.

 

mind you, there have been many ups and extreme downs in our marriage, but i think that's to be expected. it takes a really long time to get to know someone/, and we have been through some tough times, but, if i had to do it all over again, i most definitely would ( all except for forking over all that money for a big wedding-pffffttt...if I had THAT to do over again, i'd choose to do it somewhere down south and get a vacation it of it too:laugh:)

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If you really were interested in learning, you might ASK married women if THEY feel that they've settled.

 

Asking if "most" married women feel this way, you are guaranteed to get the very answers you are counting on - your fellow gynophobic guys here to pipe in with stuff like,

 

"Why, yes, certainly, my man Woggle. I have read a study on www.womenmakemecrapinmydrawers.com that states that more than 80% of married women believe that they have 'settled.' "

 

You are probably just looking for "proof" of the loathsome opinions you have about women rather than any information.

 

Right?

 

 

hee hee hee...

just for fun i clicked on the link, and lo and behold, nothing came up. perhaps i should buy that domain name and start a discussion forum. I just bet I could get lots of money selling ads geared to cranky men.:laugh:

 

( just kidding woggle...you're not grouchy)

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Okay so do married women posting here feel like they settled? I would like to hear from women.

 

I have to respond here, even during the worst of times leading to our divorce, I never felt that I'd "settled" for my husband as if he was somehow a lessor human being than I am. In the end I couldn't live with some pretty serious negative behaviors but I married the man because I loved him & not because he was the only option I felt I had at the time.

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Okay so do married women posting here feel like they settled? I would like to hear from women.

 

Sounds like you would like to hear only from women who have settled. Be direct.

 

Dunno, make it equal and try the question on the OM/OW board. The responses will be more what you are looking for methinks.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Okay so do married women posting here feel like they settled? I would like to hear from women.

 

No.

 

Sigh. :rolleyes:

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Its a bad habit of mine to settle for the woman who pursues me the hardest, instead of going after the one who i want the most.

 

Is it really so rare for two people to want each other the most?

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The entire concept of "settling" has me scratching my head, and I addressed it already in one of the thousands of other threads about what "most women" do and think here on LoveShack.

 

You guys make love and marriage sound like the decision about what car to buy. I guess this is a valid approach to love and marriage for many of you. Sad.

 

When people (who are capable of it, seek and want it) connect with each other on a very deep level, and when they find out that they are profoundly compatible, there is no question about "settling." Yes, there are compromises and surprises. Plenty of us find that the person we are happy with does not resemble the fantasy husband or wife of our pubescent years.

 

But there is no "settling" if you love your partner. All there is is YES.

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