end of my rope..

[ILguy]

ok i am a 36 yr old disabled male. i have been married 12 yrs with 2 wonderful children.

 

well things are getting complicated and i really don't know what to do now.

 

my wife has a temper. anything can set it off. im the opposite. it takes a LOT to get me mad. usually its fine. she gets mad says something and an hour its done. about once every other year she loses it and she does get abusive. nothing major. just a slap or such. usually when i get mad and say something i know will piss her off. in all the years I have never touched her in a argument.

 

well today kinda passed it. she was laid off a few weeks ago but she has been phone calls from a "friend" from work. didn't think to much about it until today.

 

she got a call and ran upstairs. well we were talking to my daughter who got back for gymnastics when she ran off. i wanted to know what was going on (thought maybe a emergence) i hear my wife giggling and asked who she was talking to. she said nobody. i asked again. she said a friend from work. so i asked again and finally she said "frank".

 

after she hung up i asked why he was calling. eventually after talking she admitted that he WANTS to have more then a "friendly" relationship with her. i asked her to stop talking to him. we argued about it and she kept saying she "does not think" she would ever sleep with him.

 

well about 3 hours latter she came down and said she was not going to stop talking to him. that i should trust her to not sleep with him. while i do trust her (well ok i don't know) i DO not trust him. i do not trust things to not get out of hand.

 

i gotta say i am at a loss. Since i am disabled i can't work. we do rely on her income and NO WAY in heck am i going to leave the kids with her. but hell i can't afford to leave (witch is why i have put up with the abuse) and to tell the truth i really do love her and don't want to leave her.

 

i don't know what to do.

[confused&inlove1]

Where there is smoke there is fire.

 

 

While trust is very important, I do see a big problem with your wife, hiding her phone conversations and running upstairs to keep you from hearing. if this was a joe blow co-worker that you did not have to worry about , those conversations would not be kept hidden. I'm just saying,,,, it sounds fishy, and the fact that she told you she would not stop talking to him, Ugh NO, thats wrong, if you have a problem with it or it makes you feel uncomfortable then its a issue, and if she cares she will take your feelings into consideration. Im a women who has had many male co-workers, but the fact is if I was hiding those conversations from my bf,,, then something else might be brewing.

[mark982]

your wifes using the fact, that she knows you can't move out to her advantage. sorta like she's got you over a barrel. you're going to have to try talking to her about this. if that don't work, i would use her hot temper to yoour advantage. get a voice activated recorder keep it in your pocket,again try to get her to back off of the om. after she starts her screaming and slapping,just dial 911. got to nip this one in the bud real quick.

[You Go Girl]

Geesh. Incredible.

Remind her of the truth she already knows. That private conversations, out of your earshot, must contain elements that she wouldn't want you to hear should you be a fly on the wall. Anything that can't be said in front of a spouse in these cases is cheating.

So she is already having an emotional affair EA. It will lead to physical of course, because that man wants it, and your W it sounds like will eventually give in.

She shouldn't be talking at all to a man who has said he wants to have sex with her. Normal boundaries are for her to call him a creep for saying such things to a married woman. Since he knows she is loving the attention, and hasn't set safe boundaries emotionally, he knows the odds are in his favor.

Say all this to her, and say it NOW, long before it gets to the point of adultery.

[Darth Vader]

Geesh. Incredible.

Remind her of the truth she already knows. That private conversations, out of your earshot, must contain elements that she wouldn't want you to hear should you be a fly on the wall. Anything that can't be said in front of a spouse in these cases is cheating.

So she is already having an emotional affair EA. It will lead to physical of course, because that man wants it, and your W it sounds like will eventually give in.

She shouldn't be talking at all to a man who has said he wants to have sex with her. Normal boundaries are for her to call him a creep for saying such things to a married woman. Since he knows she is loving the attention, and hasn't set safe boundaries emotionally, he knows the odds are in his favor.

Say all this to her, and say it NOW, long before it gets to the point of adultery.

 

 

Something tells me she's already "Rode" this other guy "frank"! Because anger and abuse like you describe is common amongst cheaters! They get really nasty for nothing over little things. Her being laid off may be a blessing in disguise to let you in on her affair! And yes, it is a full blown affair, which means, she's sleeping with him, or has been already! I can tell from the way you describe her "actions"! I've seen it before........

Edited August 13, 2010 by Darth Vader

[ILguy]

I have been trying to talk her into councilor she does not want to.

 

I don't think she wants to save the marriage.

 

she is dead set on not ending t he relationship with this guy. no matter what.

 

being disabled my options on who to talk to are well none. hard to keep friends when you can't walk much or well do to much.

 

 

I take care of the kids. not just while she is at work but when she is home. she sits on her computer playing farmvile or talking on the phone. I do all the cleaning and majority of the cooking.

 

since im disabled i am on SSDI but i do not make enough to take care of 2 kids let alone myself. There is no way i will leave the kids with her but sadly i don't see much choice.

 

as i said she has not got abusive with the kids. but its not because she stops its because i step in and either deflect her anger or handle it. if sh eis alone with them for a mojority of the time i suspect something will happen.

[ILguy]

well we were talking some.

 

on the 20th she agreed that she would stop seeing him in person and she WOULD NOT sleep with him and we would go to counseling.

 

 

well. on the 21st in the afternoon she said she was going out that night. she admited yes with him.

 

then she texted me at 8pm saying not to wait up she was staying the night.

 

the next morning (witch BTW is my 4 yr old BIRTHDAY!) she comes in. i just looked at her and she smiles and said yes she had sex with him and walked off.

 

Monday comes and we go to counseling. They said if we are going to save this she HAS TO stop calling, talking and seeing this guy if we are to have any chance. she said she was not going to stop talking to him but would stop seeing him in person.

 

at that point i got mad and walked out and walked home.

 

When i got home my wife was not. so i called the counsler back to apologize. he said its ok he understood but she agreed that she would work on it and we should go out on "dates".

 

so tuesday afternoon we are talking and HE calls. We had talked before hand about her telling him while i was in the room that she would not go see him in person for a while. Well i sat there and she got mad at me and told me ot go in the other room. needless to say i was pissed.

 

we went out that night and had a very very good time.

 

well this morning he calls again while talking. she again tells (not ask) me to leave the room. i blew up (very small one anyway. just a "WTF you would rather talk to him then us talking about our future" and walked away).

 

latter she she came to me crying. she said he is suggested they stop seeing each other for a while until she figures out what she wants. He said he does not want to be teh reason she loses her husband, kids and family. He said she needed to work on the marriage.

 

we talked and i went to deal with my son (he has been sick. think its the chiken pox). she comes up and puts on he rshoes crying . i asked where she is going she said lisa's. i asked why she said she needs to talk to someone about it.

 

i shook my head and said "you seem more upset that he is dumping you then the fact we are may get a divorce" she got mad and said he is not dumping her and left.

 

sigh.

 

yeah before you guys say it yeah im a idiot for trying to save it. but to tell the truth i do love her very much and want to be with her for the next 60 years.

 

 

Though im not a total idiot. i have been talking with a crisis center about the abuse. A legal service center about divorce and what i can do. I already contacted SS and my doctors that she is to have no say or such on anything to do with me or the kids.

 

i am also documenting EVERYTHING from here out.

[Cobra_X]

Though im not a total idiot. i have been talking with a crisis center about the abuse. A legal service center about divorce and what i can do. I already contacted SS and my doctors that she is to have no say or such on anything to do with me or the kids.

i am also documenting EVERYTHING from here out.

 

File for divorce!

 

Take the kids and make her pay you child support!!!

 

This system f*cks guys over every single day... It would be a refreshing change for you to get something good from this.

 

Your clearly the better parent. Get her angry with you and when she hits you... call the cops and get it documented.

 

Why save this marriage? She is a selfish piece of crap. How could you ever get a marriage working with a woman like that?

[mark982]

nows the time, since her minds confused to use that vac to your advantage. she will be easy to get worked up. one good slap----she's gone. problem solved!

[Distant78]

well we were talking some.

 

on the 20th she agreed that she would stop seeing him in person and she WOULD NOT sleep with him and we would go to counseling.

 

 

well. on the 21st in the afternoon she said she was going out that night. she admited yes with him.

 

then she texted me at 8pm saying not to wait up she was staying the night.

 

the next morning (witch BTW is my 4 yr old BIRTHDAY!) she comes in. i just looked at her and she smiles and said yes she had sex with him and walked off.

 

Monday comes and we go to counseling. They said if we are going to save this she HAS TO stop calling, talking and seeing this guy if we are to have any chance. she said she was not going to stop talking to him but would stop seeing him in person.

 

at that point i got mad and walked out and walked home.

 

When i got home my wife was not. so i called the counsler back to apologize. he said its ok he understood but she agreed that she would work on it and we should go out on "dates".

 

so tuesday afternoon we are talking and HE calls. We had talked before hand about her telling him while i was in the room that she would not go see him in person for a while. Well i sat there and she got mad at me and told me ot go in the other room. needless to say i was pissed.

 

we went out that night and had a very very good time.

 

well this morning he calls again while talking. she again tells (not ask) me to leave the room. i blew up (very small one anyway. just a "WTF you would rather talk to him then us talking about our future" and walked away).

 

latter she she came to me crying. she said he is suggested they stop seeing each other for a while until she figures out what she wants. He said he does not want to be teh reason she loses her husband, kids and family. He said she needed to work on the marriage.

 

we talked and i went to deal with my son (he has been sick. think its the chiken pox). she comes up and puts on he rshoes crying . i asked where she is going she said lisa's. i asked why she said she needs to talk to someone about it.

 

i shook my head and said "you seem more upset that he is dumping you then the fact we are may get a divorce" she got mad and said he is not dumping her and left.

 

sigh.

 

yeah before you guys say it yeah im a idiot for trying to save it. but to tell the truth i do love her very much and want to be with her for the next 60 years.

 

 

Though im not a total idiot. i have been talking with a crisis center about the abuse. A legal service center about divorce and what i can do. I already contacted SS and my doctors that she is to have no say or such on anything to do with me or the kids.

 

i am also documenting EVERYTHING from here out.

 

She texted you to say that she's staying with him, walks in the house smiling and saying she screwed him and walked off? WTF!?!?!?!?!!?! She has been cheating on you way before this and disrespecting you from day one and refuses to keep NC with the guy. Please divorce her. She's changed for worse and hasn't cared about you for a while and your disability might have some part in it because she's probably looking down on you because you can't work, but thats not your fault. Just divorce her and move on.

[ILguy]

She texted you to say that she's staying with him, walks in the house smiling and saying she screwed him and walked off? WTF!?!?!?!?!!?! She has been cheating on you way before this and disrespecting you from day one and refuses to keep NC with the guy. Please divorce her. She's changed for worse and hasn't cared about you for a while and your disability might have some part in it because she's probably looking down on you because you can't work, but thats not your fault. Just divorce her and move on.

 

you make it sound easy to to do. im worried about the kids. im worried about supporting the kids. im worried about myself.

 

I got a call back from the legal service center. they said they can't help since we would fight about the children. i asked who can and the lady gave me the brush off. WTF ugh

 

guess i start calling lawyers and hope for the best.