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loveisblind1

This is my first post on this site, and I have no idea what I am doing but I am so terrified and so unsure about what is going to happen in my relationship I have no where else to turn to.

 

The Story: I have recently got engaged to a guy I have known since i was young, and our families have been really close for a long time. We never dated before we really "got engaged" because there is no boyfriend/girlfriend in our culture - he just came to my house, and asked my parents for permission to talk to me and get to know me - and here we are 8 months later.

 

At times I feel as if he is so perfect for me. Calls me beautiful every day, tells me he loves me, is genuine and protects me, cares for me when im sick, looks out for my best interest. But other times I feel as if hes selfish, controlling, and if he doesnt get his way NO ONE WILL.

 

our recent fight happened because he cancelled a date with me because he had to do stuff at home (clean the car, room, study, blablabla) ....and i was TOTALLY ok with it - kind of upset, but hey who wouldnt be? A few hours later I called him to find out he is at his friends house, which of course drove me insane out of my mind. I do not mind him going out or hanging with friends - i just want THE TRUTH. When i got mad, he reacted and got mad back at me 1094508435 times worse. He broke up with me saying "hes not the right guy for me, this isnt how he wants his wife to act, he wants everything to be his way" even though it was his fault i got mad - he blamed the whole break up on me and said that he only said all the mean hurtful things he said because "i made him say them" ...when i told him he cant "train me to be his wife" ...he said then its not gna work out because I want a girl thats going to act how I want her to act and let things go my way. this is the 3rd time hes broken up with me...then comes to my house the next day after hes cooled down and acts like nothing happened.

 

Honestly, I am a good looking girl, almost in med school, I have an amazing loving family, his family absolutely loves me (has even said hes never gna find a girl like me) , im kind to everyone i know, I have a passion for helping people in need, I have never messed around sexually or "been around the block", i dont drink, smoke, talk to other guys, go out, I cook for him all the time, help him with his school work even when im DROWNING in my own, I put him before everyone EVEN myself....but low and behold i CRY when im upset and react when i get mad - and he HATES it.

 

 

what do i do???? I love him so much and I dont want to be without him but I cannot be a robot and talk and act the way he wants ALL the time. I feel so sad and lonely and disappointed and hurt and confused and angry. im physically and emotionally drenched - i have gotten less than 3 hours of sleep in the past 3 days and I cant live like this....

 

has anyone ever been in this kind of situation? ....what do i do...

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loveisblind1

but theres more to it. he didnt have the best childhood...his dad was physically and emotionally abusive to his brothers/sisters and his mom. I know he has a weird mentality about some things, and I try to be more understanding of the way that he is but theres only so much im willing to deal with.

 

If it comes down to it i will not sacrifice my happiness for this relationship, but I just hope that he will see what hes doing is wrong and change before its too late. I may sound naive, but trust me - if these type of things dont change before we get married there is no way ill be with him.

 

I love the person he is when hes not angry. Hes an amazing guy, and seeing him around kids I can tell hes gna be an amazing father. He knows what its like not to have a good dad, so he wants to give his wife and kids something so much better and i feel that. And i feel that he wants to change and that it hurts him to know what he does hurts me. It just means nothing when its all talk and no action...

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BellaBellaBella

I am sure you have already gotten back togather by now. However, understand that if you don't stand up for yourself by saying "Hey" I deserve a call before you go to your friends after canceling with me, you will live this way your whole life.

 

I don't know your culture, but your setting the standard for your own treatment now.

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