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Do all women eventually start resenting their husbands?


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Old 13th March 2010, 8:37 PM   #1
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Do all women eventually start resenting their husbands?

Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.
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Old 13th March 2010, 10:23 PM   #2
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Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.
I don't know Woggle. Maybe it is a chemistry thing. Or maybe after so many years it's inevitable in lots of cases. I mean from both sides. I really would prefer not to have devolved into that either. For what it's worth -- and from my personal perspective -- despite the resentment drawn from what I have typed about my husband -- there is a lot of other stuff going on also. I suppose when I came onto this site and started talking about what's wrong with my relationship with my husband, it appeared all I mentioned were the resentments. Well, that's because I was here desperately looking for answers about what is wrong with me or us. However -- there's also a whole lot of good stuff that has happened and currently exists -- with us and with him and with me.

I know it's easy to slip into continually focusing on what's wrong. And sometimes relationships just do not work out. There's always something good to be taken away. Sometimes many good things. And I guess -- after a whole lot of work -- love can actually persist if it's there. And sometimes people move on.
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Old 13th March 2010, 11:36 PM   #3
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Why isn't your post titled, "Do all people eventually resent their spouses?"

This isn't about just about ALL WOMEN.

So I think there are SOME PEOPLE who do resent their spouses at some point. I think it depends on what it is. Its something that can be gotten over if worked on and over time, of course they have to want to no longer be resentful.
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Old 14th March 2010, 12:29 AM   #4
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I dunno Wog it's really not a full-time thing, but more situation-related. If he pisses me off, then yeah, I start resenting him and painting revenge fantasies *just to show him* ... then I get over it. Things go back to their normal, good state of being. Same with him: When he's pissy about something, I'm the whipping boy, then we both get over it.

those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.
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Old 14th March 2010, 12:33 AM   #5
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omg Wog - you are too damn funny!!!

yes, Wog EVERY SINGLE woman on the planet eventually feels this way. ahahahaha, NOT!!!
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Old 14th March 2010, 12:35 AM   #6
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Wogs, need to ask.. Is this leading anywhere? Because starting this thread is only going to feed into your own fears and insecuries, trust issues..

Anyway, resenting a spouse isn't gender specific.

Depends on what is going on in that couples life, how they interact with one another, if daily nagging happens, miscommunication, feelings dismissed. Not all women are the ones who nag, just FYI. I guess over time, it can just happen as life goes on.

My grandparents resented the heck out of eachother, but I tell ya, the day my grandmother died, my grandfather was completely devastated and missed her like crazy.
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Old 14th March 2010, 9:33 AM   #7
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Passing resentment is normal and probably unavoidable (it's an emotion with a purpose, like any other), but lingering, festering resentment is totally avoidable. Couples need to communicate--to talk through the small hurts and resentments before they build up into Issues.
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Old 14th March 2010, 1:19 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by quankanne View Post
I dunno Wog it's really not a full-time thing, but more situation-related. If he pisses me off, then yeah, I start resenting him and painting revenge fantasies *just to show him* ... then I get over it. Things go back to their normal, good state of being. Same with him: When he's pissy about something, I'm the whipping boy, then we both get over it.

those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.
Did I just type this? I can't believe some of the revenge fantasies I think up and then the next day everything seems to have cooled off and we are back to normal again. I could write a book. I have found the key in my marriage is to know when to let go and when not to. Most of the garbage we bicker and fight about is stupid and it's all about being right and control. I am no pushover and neither is he. It's all about finding balance and let me tell you it's not easy to do sometimes.

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Old 15th March 2010, 2:15 AM   #9
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Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.
If a woman resents her husband, it means she has stopped being attracted to him, which means he has stopped behaving like a man. It's pretty simple.

A man must always be in the driver's seat. The minute any man cedes control in a marriage, he is cooked.

Don't let anyone feed you that "relationships are an equal give and take" horse crap. Women want their men to be MEN. Period.
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Old 15th March 2010, 2:23 AM   #10
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If a woman resents her husband, it means she has stopped being attracted to him, which means he has stopped behaving like a man. It's pretty simple.

A man must always be in the driver's seat. The minute any man cedes control in a marriage, he is cooked.

Don't let anyone feed you that "relationships are an equal give and take" horse crap. Women want their men to be MEN. Period.
Hahaha. I laugh when some of you folks presume to speak for all people. Where did you get such omniscient wisdom?

Very foolish.
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Old 15th March 2010, 2:28 AM   #11
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Hahaha. I laugh when some of you folks presume to speak for all people. Where did you get such omniscient wisdom?

Very foolish.
It's the truth. It's sad because I actually prefer an equal partner but a man almost has to be a chauvinist pig if he wants to stay married.
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Old 15th March 2010, 3:13 AM   #12
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those folks who resent their folks and stay stuck in that mode do so because they don't want to reconcile, or forgive, or move past it they just want to be angry because it suits their needs. Again, it's not just in a marital relationship, but relationships in general.
I agree. It's one of those senarios of stay focused on how I have been wronged so that I don't have to face my wrong's. Therefore, I am the better person because I only see the fault in others.
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Old 15th March 2010, 7:01 AM   #13
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Nearly every marriage I have seen eventually has resulted in a situation where the woman resents the hell out of a man for whatever reason and he has no clue why. When I hang out with marriaed couples who have been together a while the contempt and resentment for the most part is so thick you can cut it with a knife. There are other women who hide better but the undercurrent is still there.

Is this inevitable and is there any way for a man to prevent this? This is why many men are so afraid of commitment. They don't want it to devolve into this.
No they don't, and it is not an inevitable situation. A friend of mine's husband died recently. They had an excellent marriage and were very happy together.

If you met that friend of mine, you would probably instantly dislike eachother. She's an extremely tough and professionally successful woman. She would probably fit the criteria you and many other men on this board apply to women in order to dismiss them as hateful, ball-breaking bitches.

However, regardless of all that there is absolutely no doubt that she and her husband loved eachother very much. They had a long and successful marriage, and they never took eachother for granted. It was a pleasure to spend time with both of them, because there was always such warmth and affection between them. She's as lost without him, right now, as he would have been without her.

I can't imagine how one person manages to encounter as many utterly awful, heartless, rude, spitting, man-hating harpies as you seem to, when going about your daily business. You must just be supremely unlucky in that respect.
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Old 15th March 2010, 10:18 AM   #14
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I can't imagine how one person manages to encounter as many utterly awful, heartless, rude, spitting, man-hating harpies as you seem to, when going about your daily business. You must just be supremely unlucky in that respect.
I think that every man encounters this but most say nothing about it. Just look at this board and look at the threads from women in the infidelity and OM/OW section. It is enough to make a man want to never commit to a woman ever again. Your friend sounds like a good woman but she is the exception to the rule. For every woman like her there are 500 women like the two women I work who brag about their affairs.
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Old 15th March 2010, 10:26 AM   #15
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"It is enough to make a man want to never commit to a woman ever again."

And some men shouldn't, or women for that matter. If a person has a crappy attitude about the opposite sex and is always in doubt, then they shouldn't get married.
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