I feel so stuck but I don't think I'm getting out

[LuckyCharm]

I feel so stuck in my marriage and so unhappy...my H and I have been married for almost 3 years and if you go back and read my other threads about him you'll understand why I'm so unhappy.

 

Just a little backround you can also read on my other threads is that for months he wasn't willing to work and was home with our baby making me work for long hours everyday on my feet working on commission and commission ONLY! I was so desperate for the money I was able to make a nice salary and tried to keep a budget but my irresponsible H made it impossible and there wasn't a penny to tuck away by the end of the month!

 

I worked till new years till I got laid off and then he had no choice to find work which Thank God he now found a job!

 

Thinking maybe I would finally feel happy when he got a job...well I do cause I get to be a SAHM to my beautiful toddler but money is always tight and I always try to be frugal but that's not always the case...

H is getting better with money but I still find my self stashing left over money away and hiding it for emergency's (normally I'll tell him about the money I have stashed but not always how much it is cause he'll always find a reason to spend it).

 

Last I wrote here I mentioned a guy who I used to like and saw him on my Bro's FB page and was thinking about him alot but never added him to my friend list, I don't really think about him anymore which is good but I do think about this other guy I never mentioned...let's call him John...he's my age and we have known each other since we were 13, he had such a huge crush on me and I secretly had a crush on him too. we didn't live in the same State, he was visiting me and we got back in contact after we turned 18, he sent me an email (his grandfather gave him my email and told me that John still keep old pic's of me in his room and that he would like to see a pic of me now so I sent him a recent pic) and that's when John told me in his email he keeps my recent pic's in his jeep and that he would like to see me again only this time I should come visit him since he visited me last time.

 

I was afraid (of my mom) and didn't have the money to visit him but we talked alot through email or yahoo messenger. we talked like really good friends and we would comfort each other he would tell me how he broke up with his cheating GF and such....All the time I was thinking of maybe starting something with him cause it was obvious he still wanted me till he told me he had a son but it not with the mother anymore. That's when I didn't want to get involved with him since he had a child. What a shallow person I am I know..

 

We still kept in touch through out all these years and when I moved a State closer to him, he and I talked on the phone a few times, by then I was dating my H and he also had a GF and thought of planning a trip with his GF to come visit me and my H (then BF) but it never worked out.

 

About a month later we both got engaged (can't remember who got engaged first) only he broke up with his Fiance and I almost broke up with my H when I found out some things about him (again you can look back at my other threads) but I decided to forgive him and a week or 2 before we married I called John up and told him I'm getting married and he seemed a bit quiet but said his congrats and said all he wants is for me to be happy and he cares about me....

 

Thing I admired about John is that he never tried to come on to me or try to get me into an emotional affair with him after I married and that's why he's the only guy friend I still have..

But from the looks of it any relationship he gets into never works out and he keeps only in good contact with me (we chat through myspace) but now he created a FB and has added me and I think about him alot, that maybe he's the one I should have been with.

I have a feeling I'm gonna get bashed for what I just said but again go to my others threads and you'll see why I have been driven away from my H and it might help you understand why I'm not happy with him.

 

*Side Note:

I have never really came onto John mostly since I have meet my H and never have or never will start an EA with him.

 

Please just be gentle with me cause I have tried so hard working on my marriage but I keep feeling sad and lonely.

[LuckyCharm]

no one...?

[Lauriebell82]

Take this other guy out of the picture...if you want your M to get better.

 

NOW, have any discussions regarding finances taken place? You guys have to communicate.

 

Think about these questions also: Do you still love your H? Do you want to make the marriage work?

[LuckyCharm]

Thank you so much for the reply!

We have talked endless times about money and he knows I haven't been so happy. He just doesn't know exactly how unhappy I have been.

 

It's hard to take the other guy out of the picture since we've been friends for so long...I haven't been thinking about him throughout all of my marriage just every once in a while but recently I have been thinking about him alot more.

 

I do still love my H. some days I feel in love with him and some I don't...I'm just so confused right now since looking back when we were engaged I know I should have ran far away as I could.

[Lauriebell82]

Thank you so much for the reply!

We have talked endless times about money and he knows I haven't been so happy. He just doesn't know exactly how unhappy I have been.

 

It's hard to take the other guy out of the picture since we've been friends for so long...I haven't been thinking about him throughout all of my marriage just every once in a while but recently I have been thinking about him alot more.

 

I do still love my H. some days I feel in love with him and some I don't...I'm just so confused right now since looking back when we were engaged I know I should have ran far away as I could.

 

Okay, but you still love your H..that's good.

 

I suggest you tell your H exactly how unhappy you are..and try to come up with a solution/compromise to your problem. It sounds like you are thinking about this other guy because you are unhappy and doubting your relationship. He represents the fantasy and the happy marriage that you don't feel you have anymore. He is a replacement. NOT good!!!

 

Back to your marriage. Have the two of you tried to come up with solutions? You can have talks up the wahzoo but if you can't come up with any solutions to the problems then you will continue to be miserable.

 

You didn't answer my question though: do you want to make your marriage work?