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i'd like my wife to have sex with another man.


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Old 11th January 2010, 1:07 PM   #1
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i'd like my wife to have sex with another man.

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have two kids. I love her very much. My biggest fantasy is to watch her with another man, she knows this...we have been talking about it for 5 or 6 years. At times she really likes the fantasy, and has entertained it by flirting extensively with men...but for the most part she hasn't show any real interest in making it a reality.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?
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Old 11th January 2010, 2:04 PM   #2
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Wow- to each their own

I would be VERY careful about this....and the damage may already be done.

Your wife NOW knows that its your wish for her to have sex with another man.

This was YOUR fantasy that you presented to her.

You wife has probably lost respect for you.
She likely feels confused by this.

Go get professional help.....swinging RARELY leads to successful long term relationships.

You probably have repressed GAY tendencies if you want another cock in your bed.
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Old 11th January 2010, 2:25 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Blindsidedagainalive View Post
I would be VERY careful about this....and the damage may already be done.

Your wife NOW knows that its your wish for her to have sex with another man.

This was YOUR fantasy that you presented to her.

You wife has probably lost respect for you.
She likely feels confused by this.

Go get professional help.....swinging RARELY leads to successful long term relationships.

You probably have repressed GAY tendencies if you want another cock in your bed.
Wtf? Ignore this.


I also have fantasies about watching my guy with another girl. But then again, we are pretty open minded. We've never done anything with anyone else other than kissing, but if the opportunity came up and we were both ready for it, we'd probably jump on it.

It takes a lot of communication. I would say that maybe try just going out as a couple to local night clubs or the like. Try meeting some new people there. I'm not saying everyone that goes out to clubs would be up for that sort of thing, but you're chances of finding a single guy who's up for it are higher there.

Your wife should flirt with him, and when he starts to act confused, mention that you are swingers (even if you aren't really, it would be the easiest way to show him that you are open).

Basically just go out a lot and have fun. Don't be actively looking for it, the opportunity will arise (trust me).

Now, if you're looking for advice as to how to convince your wife to do it, I can't help you much. All I can say is that if you explain to her this "game plan" and she doesn't seem up for it, then don't force her and probably just give up on it. Some fantasies are meant to stay that way. Sounds like she has already shown some interest, though. But then again, maybe that's only because in the back of her mind she doesn't really think anything like that would ever happen.

USE protection. (Duh).

Oh and to those who think that if you love someone you could never allow this/people who do this are sluts and don't deserve respect/etc. How about just not respond? Some people can handle, enjoy, and learn a LOT about themselves through this sort of thing, some people can't. To each his own =)
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Old 11th January 2010, 2:52 PM   #4
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Thanks Pleco. I think you are right, we just need to get out more. My wife is not the type to agree to go out looking for a guy, but when we are out and she gets drinking she starts to flirt and talk a lot about the idea.

One of the things that bothers her about it is her friends, family, etc.. finding out. She doesn't want to get a reputation. The few times that we have been out on our own, and she was drinking, were the only times something with other guys almost happened.
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Old 11th January 2010, 4:11 PM   #5
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Odd. Most of the guys here would like it if their wives would STOP having sex with another man.

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Old 11th January 2010, 7:41 PM   #6
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I have a recurring fantasy of ordering him to have sex with another woman and watching the whole time and telling him how to do it.

If he ordered me to do the same, I would refuse. But I could see myself choosing to have sex with another man and making him watch.

But yeah - this would be the sort of thing that takes place 10 yrs into a marriage.

Sometimes talking about it is enough to stimulate the marriage bed. Other times a couple actually goes through with this sort of experiementation. But I don't see the harm in sharing fantasies.
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Old 11th January 2010, 7:46 PM   #7
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I think your Bi. What do you think?

If she isn't interested in fulfilling your fantasy. Believe her. You say you love her so respect her wishes.
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Old 11th January 2010, 7:52 PM   #8
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Sorry but that sounds to me like a pretty messed up fantasy to me.
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Old 11th January 2010, 9:05 PM   #9
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I've gotta second everything Pleco said.

And swinging can be fine in a marriage. Enjoying your spouse receive pleasure does not make you bi or gay. While we haven't brought in a second man to our bedroom - I'm very picky - we enjoy a second woman now and then and hope one day to find the right man to join us. I know H has no interest what so ever in another man, but he is interested in seeing me be the center of all that attention. Because he knows its a fantasy of mine and would love to help me live it out just as I help him live out his fantasies.

But a swinging relationship is not for everyone, and a weak marriage will suffer from it. Communication is the key. For years we talked and talked about it, and finally started 4 years ago. Its been a lot of fun.

One thing I know about couples who worry about being found out, they go to nearby towns to find partners. You would be amazed at the numbers of swingers out there. Give it a google and see, there might be a group you could get into if this is something your discussion leads you to.

But never push, keep drinking to a minimum, and respect all your spouse's boundries.

CCL
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Old 11th January 2010, 11:23 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by crazycatlady View Post
I've gotta second everything Pleco said.

And swinging can be fine in a marriage. Enjoying your spouse receive pleasure does not make you bi or gay. While we haven't brought in a second man to our bedroom - I'm very picky - we enjoy a second woman now and then and hope one day to find the right man to join us. I know H has no interest what so ever in another man, but he is interested in seeing me be the center of all that attention. Because he knows its a fantasy of mine and would love to help me live it out just as I help him live out his fantasies.

But a swinging relationship is not for everyone, and a weak marriage will suffer from it. Communication is the key. For years we talked and talked about it, and finally started 4 years ago. Its been a lot of fun.

One thing I know about couples who worry about being found out, they go to nearby towns to find partners. You would be amazed at the numbers of swingers out there. Give it a google and see, there might be a group you could get into if this is something your discussion leads you to.

But never push, keep drinking to a minimum, and respect all your spouse's boundries.

CCL
I don't know, and I posted similar things in the other swinger thread. I researched the lifestyle, for non-personal andeven personal reasons. I wanted to see if I could understand and do it.

While I see the appeal of variety and threesomes, some things I learned really bothered me. It just seems to me that it too often ends up getting someone bigger and better than the husband.And, where do you go from there-sexually?

It's not the relationship that suffers at first, but the sex can. I mean, everyone likes to throw around that insecurity tag, especially for men, but why? if women want to feel desired and beautiful, why shouldn't men? and, if a woman can get better, then congrats. Why should the man then feel confident when he knows the woman has had better-in her eyes. I simply don't get why women can feel this way, but men cannot. And, I've seen this a million times on the swing site forums. Even there, women admit some insecurities, but the men just have to man-up-double standard.

Also, there are tons of guys like the OP, but I don't see any women looking for a Victoria Secret model for the husband. I'm not talking about a FFM, where the wife or SO is also into the girl. Rather, I'm talking about the wife or SO only watching their partner with this woman who blows her away in sexual desire. Why is that?

OP, like I said, If you are really OK with it, go ahead. I just hope men are really sure about this. There just seems to be this guilt or something lately, where this is so prevalent. Remember, you may see things you wish you didn't-and she can't un-f*** him.

Cat, by the way, I'm not saying this the case in your situation. I'm just merely pointing out general observations and concerns.
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Old 12th January 2010, 12:15 AM   #11
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Pyro - I have personal observation in this matter. As amazing as sex might be for my H and another woman, I am still top. And there isn't a man out there who can do what my H can do to me. Its part of why I like to share him. He's so freaking amazing that way.

This isn't the say things are always perfect or that swinging solves all problems. If you look at my past threads you will find that I started posting here after finding out about just about the only way my H could cheat on me. But it had absolutely nothing to do with cheating.

However, I pick out women for us. I have always pointed out women that he would like. Always. And they don't look like me. They have HUGE boobs. I have small boobs. He likes women larger then me. that's cool too. But if he liked model thin, yeah I would tell him to go for it. I know some really gorgeous girls who would love a chance with him because they find him funny and sexy.

I have set things up and just laid back and watched before. It was his time and I was enjoying watching.

I've had guys tell me that they are going to knock the socks off of me, and do me better then my H could ever do me or that something must suck between he and I for us to be doing that. I stopped talking to them immediately. 1 - that's not what it was about, 2 - if they are bragging that hard, they probably suck, 3 - they gotta accept that H is the man and whoa man can he rock my world. Sex is better then it ever was since we started doing this.

We also don't do it fairly often, and have never had the second man in the bed with us for a threesome that way. But he's not insecure over it. I'm that picky.

Again its not for everyone, and shouldn't be done without a lot of serious talk first, during, and after.

In our area there seems to be a fair number of successful swingers. Doesn't seem any worse or better for a marriage then not doing it at least.

CCL
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Old 12th January 2010, 4:20 AM   #12
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I'm selfish and I don't like to share. The only time I'd be open to an open relationship was if I was in a LDR and even then it'd be on a "don't ask, don't tell" basis.
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Old 12th January 2010, 8:53 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by crazycatlady View Post
Pyro - I have personal observation in this matter. As amazing as sex might be for my H and another woman, I am still top. And there isn't a man out there who can do what my H can do to me. Its part of why I like to share him. He's so freaking amazing that way.

This isn't the say things are always perfect or that swinging solves all problems. If you look at my past threads you will find that I started posting here after finding out about just about the only way my H could cheat on me. But it had absolutely nothing to do with cheating.

However, I pick out women for us. I have always pointed out women that he would like. Always. And they don't look like me. They have HUGE boobs. I have small boobs. He likes women larger then me. that's cool too. But if he liked model thin, yeah I would tell him to go for it. I know some really gorgeous girls who would love a chance with him because they find him funny and sexy.

I have set things up and just laid back and watched before. It was his time and I was enjoying watching.

I've had guys tell me that they are going to knock the socks off of me, and do me better then my H could ever do me or that something must suck between he and I for us to be doing that. I stopped talking to them immediately. 1 - that's not what it was about, 2 - if they are bragging that hard, they probably suck, 3 - they gotta accept that H is the man and whoa man can he rock my world. Sex is better then it ever was since we started doing this.

We also don't do it fairly often, and have never had the second man in the bed with us for a threesome that way. But he's not insecure over it. I'm that picky.

Again its not for everyone, and shouldn't be done without a lot of serious talk first, during, and after.

In our area there seems to be a fair number of successful swingers. Doesn't seem any worse or better for a marriage then not doing it at least.

CCL

Well, I would say you are very progressive in this area. Like I said, I'm sure there are similar backgrounds like your's, but I found them a bit rare, especially the wife picking out a woman. And, if your husbamd does rock your world that much, then I guess it is just variety and the threesome experience-for you.I get that. What woman wouldn't want the attention of two men?

For whatever reason, I just think the man has more to be insecure about than the women, and I think it's the woman who may discover some sexual revelation that her husband may regret. I've heard it from swingers, but they ignore it, or think it's fine. Mind over matter, I guess. If they don't mind, it don't matter.

In your swinging experiences, have you not noticed that the women in swinging are better looking than the husbands? Even most female swingers that I've heard admit this.

To add to this, like I said, there seems to be this male guilt where they have to find this hot guy for their woman. If you go Craigslist, and look at casual encounters-married women for men, it's actually couples usually looking for a third man, and they usually want this guy that is superior to the husband-younger, better hung etc., Yea, I get variety, but this a bit much. It's like why marry this man if your dream sexual partner is someone else? Yes, I know their is more to a relationship than sex, but imagine knowing that your woman is having sex with her dream guy, or you are giving her a present (as these guys will say). What's the husband, the sexual booby prize? the guy who will do until fantasy guy arrives?

Some, or many will call that insecure. I call it wanting more. If woman can want and need to be desired, so can men, and should be allowed this without the fear of being called insecure, but I know I'm in the minority.

As this relates to the OP, I hope you are very sure, like I said before. You may see things and have to accept things you don't want to, and again, she can't un-f**k him. Once it's done, it's done.

Not every situation is like crazycat's. You may be great in bed-for now, but you never know what she may discover, and swingers are no different than others. They have chemistry with others, desires, and revelations. Just because you give her permission, doesn't change that. Are you prepaired for that?
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Old 12th January 2010, 9:22 AM   #14
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No definately not everyone is like me, but a lot of the ones we have met are. Those who aren't however we would tend not to be friends with, which is part of it.

Most swingers I know are looking for the elusive pink unicorn - aka a single bi woman - and not another man. Mostly I think for the reason you mentioned. Men tend to be a little more unsecure. And yes men of couples who swing aren't as lovely as their wives. Which is part of why we stopped trying to find couples. I'm really picky when it comes to men because I've got a great one. It seems like most married male swingers don't try to look and smell good either - another reason why my H was so darn popular . The single men however all tended to be good looking, take care of themselves, take the time to dress well, smell nice.

I've had bigger, and it ain't better. It hurts. So much for that fantasy. But the two men is more about being the center of attention to that many hands. Sure we could do it with a woman, but women feel and smell differently then men. Its not the same at all. And there is something very erotic about seeing your lover being pleased.

And there are some men who have cuckold fantasies as well. I don't understand the fantasies myself but hey, as long as you are careful, and take the time to communicate the whole way through, I don't see why not.

Oh and craig'slist ..... no way man no way. I would attempt to pick up a man at the bar who would be willing before trying to go through CL.

That said, I have to wonder if the OP was a hit and run because he hasn't been back lol. However this whole conversation is probably better in sexual health then here.

CCL
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Old 12th January 2010, 10:31 AM   #15
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People who responded with comments along the lines of "That's a messed up fantasy." or "That makes you bi or gay." really need to open their minds up a bit.

Ask yourself this, why is it a messed up fantasy? Because that's what you have been told over and over growing up in the western world? Humans are complicated beings- it's not as cut and dry as "You want another man in bed with your women...omg a penis, you are gay.....aaahhh!" With that logic any heterosexual guy that enjoys porn with a guy invloved in the scene could be called gay or bi. I wish it was that simple.

Educated people would say that the person screaming gay everytime an idea outside the norm comes up is homophobic and insecure of their own sexuallity.

I think the idea of having a sexually charged wife, that isn't afaid to break the "rules," who is desirable to other man is what turns me on. Maybe the thought of not being in the typical "cookie cutter" world of marriage is where the idea comes from.

And no, I am not afraid of someone being better sexaully than I am with her. The point is that I love her, she loves me, we have a family and many things in common besides sex. If she was to be with another man it would be the man who is entering into our sexual desires, not the other way around. My wife is not immature, she wouldn't think "this guy has a bigger dick than my husband, I now like him better." She would understand that any pleasure seh received from the whole thing was because of our relationship, because of me and her.... not him alone.
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