acac2323 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 First time poster. History...Good marriage of 16 years, 3 boys 15 11 and 6. Military man recently retired. Took a civilian job overseas making nice money. I leave in Sept 09 and thought my wife and I were on the same page as far as agreeing to do the deployment. She agreed to the plan as the money is great. Mid Sept she meets a guy at my son's football practice and they exchange numbers. A friend of hers told me she was blown away by how he treated her(Love at first sight?) They go out to lunches, talk on the phone late at night total of 21 hours in Oct. Thousands of texts. I notice in Oct that I am getting short sometimes rude e-mails from her and I am confused. I ask her if she is OK...She said she misses me. 1 Nov she sends me an e-mail saying she could connect to another if availablke, that she needs me home and misses me. I plan my leave for Jan to come home and am floored at her saying she could connect with someone...I am hurt but feel there is mor eto the story. I ask her if she met someone she says no twice. We start to communicate better in e-mails until 5 Nov. I check my sons phone activity, we have had issues with him buying things. I look at all 4 cell phone history and see hours of late calls and thousands of texts... I ask my wife what are these calls and texts is everything OK...Then it hit me. There is someone. I ask her why she lied, she said he is just a friend. It was just small talk and weather. I dont believe that. She is sad and crying, says she doesnt understand what she is missing, that he is giving her attention that she craves. The other thing I understand is that she invited him over(sex?) at 300am on 1 Nov. He said he cared to much for her to come over. She wrote that e-mail to me at 320am about connecting to another. I am glad it didnt turn physical and see how close it came. I was stressed really bad overseas didnt eat for 4 days. Finally came home 11 Nov to see what is left. They continued to text until I came home but only about an hour a night. Had a great 2 weeks home we reconnected and will come home for good in Feb instead of Sep 2010. She said she still misses the attention. I ask her even with me giving u my all u still miss him? She says she cant help it. I ask her what if the shoe was on the other foot and she was upset saying she wouldnt be able to take that. She has apoligized over and says she made a mess of things. I told her messes can be cleaned up and this one will... Things seem to be good, she says she hasnt had contact since I came home. I am back overseas now and wonder how strong she can be. We agreed to have an open line of communoication and if either of us see something bad coming, talk about the issue. I cant wait to get back to continue to develop our relationship. I believe she can stay strong. I know I can. It amazes me how these can happen to someone I NEVER would have thought. I wonder what kind of attention these other men give. I tell my wife I love her all the time...Most of pour communication was probably kid based, but we would go out and enjoy life. Just amazes me these things happen. There is hope for those with wives in these affairs if you catch it in time... I wonder what would have happened if I didnt read the bill that month...Oh well not dwellig on that... Never really admitted to an emotional affair ahe said they were just friends that got out of control, she did see how it hurt me though...I believe her. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 As for why she can't see the affair clearly, well... people with their heads up their ass rarely do. Even if her head is firmly wedged up there, she knows good and damned well what it was (and is) that she is doing. She is playing 'innocent' to her full advantage and it is working. Keep your eyes open. I'm telling you - people in affairs don't go from hot to cold like that. They just get better at lying and hiding things. It will be easier when you get home, but hopefully it won't be too late by that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 How about this. How about you cut short your project and you come home, Sparky? Maybe she would like some companionship - you know, like a husband or something. Link to post Share on other sites
cody5 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 I've been on too many of these sites to have an objective opinion, but I'll try. If you'll notice, she's only admitted to what you essentially caught her with: they physical proof of phone bills and emails. Standard lying MO. She's not comming clean on the emotional connection in the relationship. She know's it's wrong but can't admit she's capable of cheating. Why in Gods name would she admit to anything physical? (if it even matters so much). You're gone 2 weeks and she's already in an emotional affair. I'm glad it was nice while you were home, but you need to set groundrules for appropriate behavior while you're gone. If she needs to cry on a shoulder, it had better be female, gay or that of a related male. This guy's out. I can guarantee he's a single dad. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 How about this. How about you cut short your project and you come home, Sparky? Maybe she would like some companionship - you know, like a husband or something. Yeah, I'm thinking Uncle Sam doesn't run the show anymore, so make an executive decision before W gets kids, OM and all the money you're making in that really good overseas job. I presume, over a 20+ year military career, you and perhaps your family moved a lot and/or were separated a lot. That's pretty typical. I'm thinking now is a really good time to be home where hearth and family are Link to post Share on other sites
Author acac2323 Posted December 8, 2009 Author Share Posted December 8, 2009 Sorry about the sarcasm, I am looking at finding a different job in our area so I can come home now...I did cut it short from 1 year to 5 months. There is a fine line that my wife understands about supporting ones family in todays economy...We both understand it would be GREAT to have me home now...You havent thoufght of anything I havent so your advice is well, weeks old...I wouldnt be so sarcastic if you didnt use the old sparky on me... I asked her if she wanted me to quit my job, she said no she enjoys our lifestyle and can wait until Feb...Made plans to renew our vows. I believe we are on the right track...Signed, Sparky Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I believe we are on the right track...Signed, Sparky Keep your eye on that right track, but NEVER EVER forget that there is a wrong one as well. The second you lose sight of it, the quicker you will lose her. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Sorry about the sarcasm, I am looking at finding a different job in our area so I can come home now...I did cut it short from 1 year to 5 months. There is a fine line that my wife understands about supporting ones family in todays economy...We both understand it would be GREAT to have me home now...You havent thoufght of anything I havent so your advice is well, weeks old...I wouldnt be so sarcastic if you didnt use the old sparky on me... I asked her if she wanted me to quit my job, she said no she enjoys our lifestyle and can wait until Feb...Made plans to renew our vows. I believe we are on the right track...Signed, Sparky 5 months??!! This is after cutting it down from one year? What exactly is the matter with you? This is your wife we're talking about here. What the hell is the point of being married if you're going to be gone for that long? She's supposed to do what? If she up and has a full blown affair, I would have no sympathy for you. She already gave you a signal. Ignore it at your peril. Get another job today - not tomorrow or next week. Today! Unless of course you think this one is more important than staying married. Link to post Share on other sites
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