Jump to content

"Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time."


Recommended Posts

I saw the title at the top of this forum...:

"Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time."

 

and thought maybe a thread about married couples who are happy might debunk some myths, stories and stereotypes, lol....

 

I am 41 and married to my soulmate for 15yrs now. We have 2 teenagers (one from a prior marriage on my part) and we are both on our second marriages. He is 46yrs old.

 

We find each other hysterically funny, love spending time together and are still romantic and affectionate after 15yrs. He is my hero. :love:

 

Ball and chain? :laugh::lmao::laugh::lmao:. Not at all.....I've been in a bad marriage as has he....I can honestly say without reservation that being married to the RIGHT person in a good marriage is amazing and breathtaking in so many ways. I really wanted to post encouragement to those out there seeking a good marriage that lasts. It exists, it's not a myth and don't give up.....:love:

 

I find the posts and forums on this site fascinating to say the least. Maybe a good marriage is boring in comparison to the posts on here. Maybe there are some on here that are like me, lurking and reading the stories, too--and actually in a good marriage...here's your chance to debunk the ball-and-chain myth with their own encouraging words. :bunny:

 

 

Blessings!

 

 

Robin

Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife is killer funny and keeps me from being overly serious. We banter daily. She has helped me grow into the person I am and is the center of my universe. Is as much fun in the bedroom as she is everywhere else....

 

 

 

 

I saw the title at the top of this forum...:

"Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time."

 

and thought maybe a thread about married couples who are happy might debunk some myths, stories and stereotypes, lol....

 

I am 41 and married to my soulmate for 15yrs now. We have 2 teenagers (one from a prior marriage on my part) and we are both on our second marriages. He is 46yrs old.

 

We find each other hysterically funny, love spending time together and are still romantic and affectionate after 15yrs. He is my hero. :love:

 

Ball and chain? :laugh::lmao::laugh::lmao:. Not at all.....I've been in a bad marriage as has he....I can honestly say without reservation that being married to the RIGHT person in a good marriage is amazing and breathtaking in so many ways. I really wanted to post encouragement to those out there seeking a good marriage that lasts. It exists, it's not a myth and don't give up.....:love:

 

I find the posts and forums on this site fascinating to say the least. Maybe a good marriage is boring in comparison to the posts on here. Maybe there are some on here that are like me, lurking and reading the stories, too--and actually in a good marriage...here's your chance to debunk the ball-and-chain myth with their own encouraging words. :bunny:

 

 

Blessings!

 

 

Robin

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
My wife is killer funny and keeps me from being overly serious. We banter daily. She has helped me grow into the person I am and is the center of my universe. Is as much fun in the bedroom as she is everywhere else....

 

 

yayyy!!!! how long have ya'll been married? I think it is awesome a man responded to this post. Are we the only two on this entire site?

 

Marriage is wonderful with the right person who is as committed as you are to the life and vitality of the relationship. :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's is nice to hear about a good relationship because after awhile a person can tend to lose faith that such a thing exists. Kind of like Bigfoot - you suspect that he just might be out there, but the sightings are rare. Thanks for posting.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife and I have been Married for 18 years. she is my soul mate. I love her more know then when we were married. We have two kids and have alot of good times together.

About ten years ago almost got the big D do to mental problems. I pushed thru it and got her the help that she needed. I love my wife and she loves me!:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

thank you for sharing your story jurney. I hope it will encourage those looking for love to know there are some marriages out there that are successful and solid. It CAN be done.:love:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree. We've been married for 4 years now, and I like her as a person more and more each day. She is highly intelligent and has a great sense of adventure. Despite our ups and downs, we have a wonderful relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Aw! What a nice thread!!!

 

After kissing a lot of frogs, A LOT of FROGS, (cough) I met my husband through friends. We started out as a long-distance relationship. We did this for three years until I moved east to be with him. Three months later, we were married. And no, I wasn't pregnant. (I got asked that over and over again, for some reason. HA!)

 

We'll be celebrating 7 years on the 14th, and I seriously couldn't have asked for a better guy to spend my time with. He's my sweetie!

 

And yes, the older I get, the more I realize that sometimes, boring IS good. It's stable, it's comforting, it's low-key, and we know where we stand with each other.

 

Of course, he could throw a doozy at me out of left field someday and I'll end up on the Infidelity board. (NOO!) But I trust him, fully, with everything I have and everything I am, so there ya go. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Technically I'm a newlywed, so perhaps I don't really count?

 

But I have been living with my husband and raising children (our own baby and his child from a previous gf) for four years now...in many ways our courtship period, though intense, was brief, and we have to many intents and purposes been living as a married couple all this time.

 

We have our ups and downs, of course, and the past year has been stressful, but I am so grateful to have him by my side as we navigate our way. All our strengths and weaknesses complement each other perfectly. He's my best friend, he's a good father, and the sex is great. I love the way he looks at and touches me, and he can almost always make me laugh. We are actively building our future together and actually looking forward to growing old together. I had never felt so loved before I met him, or been in a relationship that was so strengthening to both parties. I think we have learned a lot from one another and hope we will continue to make each other better people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Technically I'm a newlywed, so perhaps I don't really count?

you count you count!!! :bunny::D

 

thanks for all the ball and chain debunking! It's awesome! :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been married 5 years and what I've discovered about marriage in that short time is the only difference between a good marriage and a bad marriage is your attitude. Attitude is everything in a marriage and a good one goes a looooooong way.

 

Somewhere along the line, I decided that I would just have a good attitude in the situations and circumstances that we went through and look at them as building blocks in our life together. Whatever happens, it's not the end of the world and it certainly won't be the end of our marriage.

 

When I changed my attitude, everything in my marriage changed. My husband has become the man I always dreamed he would be. Our family life is happier. I have become a more patient and understanding wife instead of the controlling shrew I used to be. :p We are happy and we show each other love in little ways every day.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is indeed a pleasant shock for a thread Robin!

 

I'm happily married too! In about a month it'll be 4 years for us. I seriously couldn't have dreamed a better guy/marriage.

 

I came to this site to try and help a patient who was abused and her H kept cheating on her and the other woman would taunt her. I wanted a better understanding of that dynamic and I was shocked to say the least of how much pain is out there on the OW forum.

 

So I stayed and tried to help b/c even though I've never been one I understand crappy r'ships and I learned you have to be happy/healthy yourself 1st to attract the same. When I'd try to post in this section about keeping passion in a marriage, stuff that works for us, it was more or less a response of "good for you, won't work for us" ...it seemed this side was more of a misery loves company, so I stayed away from this section but would check in on the other side to see how some are faring.

 

My husband is my rock. I'm 45 and he's 53 and it's our 2nd marriage for both. It's funny b/c on the OW forum I'd get labeled as a BW and since I've been out for 16 years, I hardly classify myself as that:) Besides I didn't have the thoughts that seem to be common surrounding these things, I'm astounded how much thinking goes on about this on either side. I never did.

 

Anyway after some major catalysts in my life, I decided to go back to school for nursing as a 2nd career! And I was able to do it full time and quit my job thanks to the awesome support of my husband. He and DS did everything around the house. I graduated in June, and got my RN license in September!

 

Communication is huge with us. I'm amazed how many people will ask the q "what is he/she thinking or really mean?"....I don't get it, if you can't talk...anyway seems strange to me.

 

I recently ran into a misunderstanding on the OW forum b/c I stated there is zero risk in my marriage. We take huge comfort in knowing that we are there for each other in good and bad and our love and bond goes even deeper! I said I feel sorry for folks that feel that maybe their marriage won't make it. I have a calm and a peace knowing that we have is solid, we don't take each other for granted and we don't need/want validation from outside people. I definitely would not have remarried if I thought that person would be a risk.

 

Anyway I could write pages (and have:o) on how wonderful what we have, and I really wish that everyone would find that peace and joy in their lives.

 

I start my new job (finally it took forever) on the 11th. So I'm looking forward to starting that chapter and continue to build our life together:love:

 

Great thread, too bad there isn't more like this!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I came back tonight just to peek in right before bed and look at all this encouragement! wow! Ya'll are awesome and I so appreciate the posts. :bunny:

 

I hope this thread encourages many people who will know there are good solid lasting marriages out there and they themselves won't settle for less either.:love:

 

Keep'em coming! Next?:D

Link to post
Share on other sites

We have been together 21 years - married for 20.

 

And I totally agree that commitment makes it work. Communication is great and we do communicate very well. I also see lots of situations where the people communicate just fine - and one of them is happy and doesn't seem concerned that their spouse isn't happy.

 

I admit to being lucky though - I married someone who really loves me - and who I really love.

 

Tonight I could tell my wife was tired from work - so I gave her a very long leg and butt massage - my fingers are still tingly....

 

She was lying in bed watching Deadliest Catch with me - while I massaged her. As she is slowly starting to fall asleep with me still caressing her legs she asks whether I want to make love. Since making love to a sleeping person isn't exactly my style I decided to send her off to dreamland with a smile. So I replied - what do you think we have been doing for the last half hour?

 

 

yayyy!!!! how long have ya'll been married? I think it is awesome a man responded to this post. Are we the only two on this entire site?

 

Marriage is wonderful with the right person who is as committed as you are to the life and vitality of the relationship. :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO
She was lying in bed watching Deadliest Catch with me - while I massaged her. As she is slowly starting to fall asleep with me still caressing her legs she asks whether I want to make love. Since making love to a sleeping person isn't exactly my style I decided to send her off to dreamland with a smile. So I replied - what do you think we have been doing for the last half hour?

:love: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tonight I could tell my wife was tired from work - so I gave her a very long leg and butt massage - my fingers are still tingly....

 

Aren't massages the best? It's definately one of the best way to not only keep the spark, but bonding as well. My H cracks me up though, b/c he works doing restoration and he'll take some ribbing from the guys b/c he'll wear gloves for things they don't. And my H replied "my wife doesn't like it if I touch her bare arse with rough hands" :laugh: Gotta say I never even prompted that, he keeps them nice b/c he wants to for me, I was a little embarrassed though.

 

I have a funny one too where I was exhausted from school and took my shower and headed up, he gave me a wonderful massage and wanted to use oil, I just wanted him to be careful b/c I had a class picture the next day and wouldn't have time to re-wash my hair. So I piled my hair on top and he proceeded. The next day I awoke and my hair was a greasy mess! I freaked b/c I didn't have time padded in my schedule for a full shower, so I grabbed the hand held and proceeded to wet down the whole bathroom in my hurry to get it done.

 

He watched a bit with amusement, then calmly grabbed the shower head and said "here, let me help you" :laugh: ...He's my rock I tell you.

 

MEM...I agree some people think they are talking as long as "their" needs are being met, but do you really think that's true "communication" which needs trust and from which trust is built? I just think for us communication means telling each other anything and everything.

 

There's nothing he doesn't know about me and vice versa. Not afraid to ask anything or discuss the tough subjects. To talk about fantasies and explore things deeper. I couldn't do that personally if I thought that person was a risk to marry. We are able to become totally vulnerable and free with the security of that commitment.

 

I do love that the D word is not part of our vocabulary. But that doesn't mean it's all "ball and chain"...quite the opposite. Because we have that strong commitment we want it to be equarlly rewarding, and bonding and fun for each other. I do suppose it takes 2 with that mindset though and that seems to be the problem with many...that they're not on the same page.

 

Anyway, that's my experience, of course all marriages are as unique as the 2 that are in them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

S2,

The story of the shower before your class picture is classic.

 

Sometimes the best communication hurts. This past summer wife had a inflammation thing going on which reduced our sex life. So during that time I went out of my way to be extra nice since I didn't want to be the typical guy who is not as nice when his sex life gets disrupted.

 

One night during this period, I am sitting next to my wife in bed giving her this long loving look - and she says to me: you are fawning - stop it I don't like that.

 

And she meant that. She wasn't being a bitchh, she wasn't angry. She just feels emotionally crowded/anxious if I do that. And she is a warm loving person. Very affectionate, likes sex. Just doesn't like getting a long loving look.

 

She has always been good about communicating stuff like that. I believe a key to people staying attracted to each other is feeling comfortable enough telling each other what attracts/repels them even when doing so may hurt their partners feelings.

 

 

Aren't massages the best? It's definately one of the best way to not only keep the spark, but bonding as well. My H cracks me up though, b/c he works doing restoration and he'll take some ribbing from the guys b/c he'll wear gloves for things they don't. And my H replied "my wife doesn't like it if I touch her bare arse with rough hands" :laugh: Gotta say I never even prompted that, he keeps them nice b/c he wants to for me, I was a little embarrassed though.

 

I have a funny one too where I was exhausted from school and took my shower and headed up, he gave me a wonderful massage and wanted to use oil, I just wanted him to be careful b/c I had a class picture the next day and wouldn't have time to re-wash my hair. So I piled my hair on top and he proceeded. The next day I awoke and my hair was a greasy mess! I freaked b/c I didn't have time padded in my schedule for a full shower, so I grabbed the hand held and proceeded to wet down the whole bathroom in my hurry to get it done.

 

He watched a bit with amusement, then calmly grabbed the shower head and said "here, let me help you" :laugh: ...He's my rock I tell you.

 

MEM...I agree some people think they are talking as long as "their" needs are being met, but do you really think that's true "communication" which needs trust and from which trust is built? I just think for us communication means telling each other anything and everything.

 

There's nothing he doesn't know about me and vice versa. Not afraid to ask anything or discuss the tough subjects. To talk about fantasies and explore things deeper. I couldn't do that personally if I thought that person was a risk to marry. We are able to become totally vulnerable and free with the security of that commitment.

 

I do love that the D word is not part of our vocabulary. But that doesn't mean it's all "ball and chain"...quite the opposite. Because we have that strong commitment we want it to be equarlly rewarding, and bonding and fun for each other. I do suppose it takes 2 with that mindset though and that seems to be the problem with many...that they're not on the same page.

 

Anyway, that's my experience, of course all marriages are as unique as the 2 that are in them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
foreverinlove

We're married for 43 years now and still very much in love. We hold hands, kiss, hug, and talk on a daily basis, and the sex is now better than ever. My husband is the most wonderful, caring and loving man on earth. There is nothing more I could ask in a man. He tells me I'm the one of his dreams and he couldn't imagine to ever be with somebody else. I feel the same way. I just hope we have many more years together

Link to post
Share on other sites

MEM, Yeah it's that sort of tough stuff that's really good to be open about.

 

We found one of best communication tools is the "repeat back what you think I said/meant".

 

This has been invaluable when we are ready to discuss something after things start to heat up in an argument and we know we have to say we'll shelve it 'til we can discuss things calmly. Or just in general when we're talking about something really important or on a deeper level.

 

Learning to shelve things until we were calmer AND not staying ticked in the meantime, was one of my biggest learning curves in the beginning.

 

I was used to an arguement getting swept under the rug, so I'd think if we were to resolve something it needed to be discussed.to.DEATH! immediately. If it would wait then it would get forgotten. That wasn't the case with us, we would re-discuss hours later or even the next day. One of them, *I* even offered to say I'd rather we discuss this in a few days when we can really have the time to devote.

 

That's kind of a cool part of being a grown up and realizing that you can solve things rationally and not like a hot head. :laugh:

 

Basically that life is short and time so precious to waste that time on grudges or silent treatment or bickering especially when you know you really love one another it just seems foolish to do that to someone you love. When all it takes is refocusing on finding your center as a couple again and remember what's really important;)

 

But as I can see from the thread titles in this section, many aren't seeing it and that's sad to me. And why I'm so happy I start my job is one week! Won't have much idle time.

 

Well this is a great thread while it lasted. I never doubted people like us exist. I'm surrounded by them in real life. You just don't see it much here.

Link to post
Share on other sites
We're married for 43 years now and still very much in love. We hold hands, kiss, hug, and talk on a daily basis, and the sex is now better than ever. My husband is the most wonderful, caring and loving man on earth. There is nothing more I could ask in a man. He tells me I'm the one of his dreams and he couldn't imagine to ever be with somebody else. I feel the same way. I just hope we have many more years together

 

foreverinlove, you and your husband are the luckiest people on earth! Thank you for your story.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...